June 21, 2010

don't read this post if contact lens talk makes you squicky

yesterday morning, after recovering from a full day of beer olympics (more on that later!) i stumbled into the bathroom to wash my face and throw my contacts in.

now, i've mention on more than one occasion just how blind i am. suffice to say, i cannot function without vision correction, to the point where i can't see the ground clearly enough not to step on a cat unless i have contacts in or glasses on. so i toddle over to the sink, take my right contact out of its case, squirt some saline into it, and pop it into my eye.

there's a pretty distinct feeling when a contact goes in, a sort of little "pop" sensation as it suctions on. i feel the "yup, it's on there!" sensation, and move on to the left contact. except.. hey. wait. i still can't see anything. that's weird; i was so sure i had gotten that contact in just fine.

i rub my eye, see if the contact needs to "settle," and blink a few times... nope. i can't see a thing. i smush my face right up next to the mirror to look at my eyeball - when your vision is bad enough, they tint the contacts a light blue color, so they're easier to locate against a sink or countertop, but it also means i can see the outline of the contact against the white of my eye if i get up super close - but i can't see anything there. i put my glasses back on and look around the countertop, the sink, the floor... there is no contact. weird.

i grab my box of new contacts and start taking out a fresh right one. i wander back into my room while i'm fumbling with box and start telling chris the story - how it's so weird, i thought i put a contact in, but i still couldn't see anything, so i guess i lost it? except i only get to the part about how i was still blind, when he interrupts me:

"hah! and you'd put my contacts in instead?"

i stopped mid-contact-box-opening, mouth agape.

"oh. i.... oh. hold on."

back in the bathroom, i put my fingers to my eye as if i were going to remove a contact.... and what do you know, out pops one.

turns out my vision is SO bad, the correction from chris's prescription didn't even make enough of a dent for me to notice i was wearing contacts.

if anyone needs me, i'll be shopping for a walking cane.

26 comments:

Jess said...

Ooh, good thing your boyfriend is smart! Would it have been bad when you tried to put your own contact in on top of the one that was already in there?

cfoxes33 said...

That is kinda funny!

Kristabella said...

Note to self, don't date someone who wears contacts. Since my eyesight is probably worse than yours!

Sarah said...

I also have terrible eyesight. Probably just about as bad as yours.

There have been times when I've fallen asleep with my contacts in (because maybe I had a little too much to drink) and then when I wake up the next morning, I think I can see again and it's a miracle.

No, I'm just an idiot.

Kristen said...

Squicky is my new favorite word.

missris said...

My boyfriend did this once, except he put in MY contact and I'm MUCH MUCH more blind than he was. I heard a yelp from the bathroom and then a "this is so weird! you're so blind! I can see sooooo far with these in!" Um yeah, thanks.

Hillary said...

Ack! At least you didn't try to put another one in (I'm guessing 2 contacts in 1 eye would not be fun.)

artemisia said...

HA HA HA! Oh, that is funny. I would have died if you put TWO contacts in...

Ellen said...

Yiiiikes. This is why I am so thankful I got LASIK!

www.firednfabulous.com

Nicole said...

For the longest while, I wanted bad vision so I could wear glasses. Wearing glasses strictly for fashion purposes just seemed wrong like using a wheelchair if I could walk. So I wanted to genuinely have bad vision.

Then one time I took motion sickness medication which made my vision blurry and I quickly realized that wanting bad vision so I could wear glasses is easily one of the dumbest things I've ever come up with. And I do a lot of dumb things.

kcinnova said...

It's only squicky if I watch it happen. And now I am convinced that you really ARE blind as a bat!

Mike129 said...

Hahaha!

Seriously, do the LASIK thing if the doc thinks it will work for you. It's wonderful!

Hilary said...

Except for the boyfriend part, this brought back so many contact memories. I've lost them in my eyes / on the counter / on the floor so many times. I got Lasik about 5 years ago, and almost forgot all the contact drama. Thanks for reminding me!

Carrie said...

Oh, I laughed so hard. I think this may be one of my favorite Alice stories ever. And I'm about as blind as you are, so I can totally relate! xoxoxo

LiLu said...

Better eyes than ears. They're easier to fix. Or at least less dorky. ;-)

Sizzle said...

I've been considering getting contacts but...I'm worried about such things happening to me. Am I tough enough to stick a contact into my eyeball? Still on the fence.

Raven said...

Haha! This is exactly how it would go down if I ever got Willy's in my eyes instead, I am she of the super blind and he is of the why bother with contacts if the number is that low?

Tonight though he was complaining about his contact and how it had been bothering him for 3 days so I made him take it out so I could find the tear, he looked first and saw nothing, he handed it to me and I found it in less than a second. Even blind, I can still catch that glint of light from a tear, I've done it so many times.

Marie said...

*snarf!*

Yeah that's all I got. Let me know if you need help shopping for a walking cane. We can get you a sparkly one!

Pickles and Dimes said...

HAHAHHHAHA. I can't believe his contacts didn't even make a dent in your blindness. You and I can be blind buddies!

Vittoria said...

i love it. that's how blind i am - i put on other people's glasses and i'm like, wow, that didn't even make me see a centimeter farther.

and i didn't realize it was just us blindies who had the blue tinted contacts! i feel so... vision impaired.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Wait, you have overnights with Chris? You've been holding out on us - when did this start happening??? *snicker*

This is hilarious, Alice. Really, thanks for sharing!

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

that's amazing, and SO something i would do, as i'm beyond blind as well. so classic.

FoggyDew said...

Made me laugh.

No concept of this. Out of my whole family I'm the only one who doesn't wear glasses. Although that day may be coming soon. Had my eyes checked last month and they've gone from 20/17 to 20/20.

How many contacts can you stack in one eye? Just wondering.

Wanderlusting said...

HA. Wow.

I have 20/20 vision so I definitely don't get you on the blind thing, however I will probably need a cane at some point, so I'll be joining you there! I'll lead you around...

Shelly said...

Wow. That's really bad!

Lacey Bean said...

Sounds like me! I am so blind, when I had pink eye once, I had to have my dad come pick me up to take me to the hospital because I could barely make it downstairs without assistance!!