February 04, 2009

one week down, one to go

i've successfully made it through one week of glasses, now. well, if by "successfully" you mean "never caved and put in contacts," as opposed to "did so without complaining and whining every 45 seconds. oh, or SEEING." because, uh, then it wasn't so much a success at all.

one more week. one more week. one more week.

Annoying Things About Wearing Glasses (I Mean, In Addition To The Actual Wearing Part):

1) the inability to wear sunglasses. this is seriously an issue for me, especially while driving. i have upped my crows feet by like 800% this week.

2) apparently the glasses make me look OLD. i am typically carded when i buy or order alcohol about 95% of the time. since the glasses? i've had THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE not card me. in a week! you're supposed to card anyone who looks under 35 around here. i look like i'm in my LATE THIRTIES all of a sudden!? wtf!

3) the part of my ears where my glasses rest: SO SORE. possibly because my glasses are 238764 inches thick, due to the utter blindness thing. and also the fact that i haven't worn glasses for more than 10 minutes at a time since 1995.

3) this one is the dumbest, but omg, such a freaking problem, and one i never in a million years would have thought about. and dude, you ladies who wear glasses regularly (but are uber-blind without them, like me) need to give me some advice here, because i am STRUGGLING: putting on mascara is such a freaking sad slash hilarious exercise in futility. i mean obviously i can't put mascara on when my glasses are on, because, you know, the glasses are in the way. but i CANNOT SEE when the glasses are off. like, cannot see details of anything more than 2 inches away from my face, and even then i can only see LARGE details. so i end up leaning waaaaaay over my bathroom counter, with my face literally pressed up against the mirror, with one eye squinted shut (because when you're that close to something, you have to use one eye only, otherwise you go crosseyed. or else you see double because you're not far enough away for your brain to be able to compile the two images). so then:

a) it's hard to get enough room to move the mascara wand around, because let's not forget, your nose is literally smushed up against the mirror in an effort to see your own eye clearly enough to know where to stick the mascara wand, and

b) once one eye is done ("done" being a bit of a loose term here, because this is a highly annoying thing to try to do, and super frustrating that even that close, you still can't really see what you're doing) you have to wait until the one eye is completely and utterly dry before moving on to Eye 2, because otherwise when you squish Eye 1 shut to fend off the aforementioned crosseyed / double vision problem, your mascara will smear onto your skin. and, HA HA HA, the kicker is you WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE if it does or not because YOU ARE BLIND.


uh, if by "you" i mean "me."

hopefully my date tonight won't mind minimal, smudged eye make up. because that's definitely all he can hope for.

20 comments:

  1. Haha! Sorry, but that image of you up against the mirror trying to put mascara on just made me laugh!

    How about you can get one of those magnifying mirrors? This way you don't have to lean up against the mirror so much and they show stuff on your face bigger. You can get one at CVS for not much at all.

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  2. Clearly I need coffee. I meant to say "How about one of those magnifying mirrors?"

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  3. Ok. I have the same mascara issue, but I have it nearly every day because I am WAY TOO LAZY to put my contacts in 6 out the 7 days of the week.

    I end up getting mascara on the MIRROR all the time because I am so damn close to it.

    SUCKS.

    I have no advice. Sorry!

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  4. HAHAHA! I usually always wear contacts, but am wearing my glasses today because my eyes were tired.

    So I am blind. Perhaps as blind as you. And I TOTALLY have the mascara issue - I'm literally half an inch from the mirror and my eyes are super sensitive so if I try and take my time with the mascara and leave my eyes open too long, they, like, force themselves shut, thus smearing black tar-like substance all over my face. And then I have to start over. YAY GLASSES.

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  5. I'm lucky enough to still be able to see just enough w/out my glasses on. And honestly? I haaate contacts. So I'm all about glasses.

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  7. And that is why I never wear mascara. The end. :)

    (Actually, it's because my contacts can sense the merest hint of eye makeup and then try to relocate to the farthest corners of my eyes to spread grittiness.)

    My glasses are too long (er, the part that hangs over my ears is too long, so I can't lie on the couch while watching TV because my glasses get pushed forward.) My life is SO HARD.

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  8. i think the magnifying mirror is a great idea!! i used to use one back in the day, and i think they are good. i can recommend the revlon brand that is burgandy :) hope that helps!!

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  9. I sit in the sink putting on mascara or use a hand held mirror.

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  10. I smoosh my face right up to the mirror. I also poke myself in the eye with the mascara wand approximately 80% of the time. It's not pretty

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  11. Personally, I'd give up on the damn mascara. But I'm lazy.

    Also, you don't look OLD, you look MATURE.

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  12. I'm with Jess. It'd be a two week hiatus from mascara for me. But I'm lazy and kind of hate mascara anyway.

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  13. It will be SO WORTH it when you're done with the surgery. It also may confuse you a lot to be able to see so well in situations where it just wasn't a possibility before

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  14. Hmm, I wonder if the mascara wearers get used to doing it without looking in a mirror! You'd have to be freakishly talented! :)

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  15. I was with you until you got all "late 30s is OLD" on me, and then I had to go cry for a while. I'm extra sensitive...I've got birthday #36 coming up. I'll officially be in my late 30s!

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  16. haha, it's not that late 30s are old, it's just that i'm only 28, so if people think i look over 35... that's not a very good sign :-)

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  17. I hear you on the sore ears...erm...but not the mascara part. I have no idea about that. Really.

    One thing that I hate about glasses is when you're trying to see something and you move your eyes but not your head and you're no longer looking through your glasses but instead can only see blurry blobs of things.

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  18. Wow; you ARE blind! (Sorry.) I have terrible vision myself (and am a glasses girl), but being able to see well enough to put on mascara isn't a problem. Whew. I've got THAT, at least, anyway.

    P.S. My word verification is "antship." That amuses me.

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  19. Hilarious! I am totally thankful now for my 20/20 vision. Plus I had to put contacts in for halloween and I swear those things messed up my eyes for days.

    Could be because I passed out in them though,...

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  20. I'll be joining you soon as it turns out I am losing my sight and the part I am losing is my ability to see things that are close to me.

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