paintings of the pole: volume 3

so you all know how i had my pole graduation back in january, and that i sort of technically fell on my head, but it was still mostly ok. and how since i was pretty alarmed over how short my shorts were going to be for that performance, and how spandexy my shirt was going to be, i gave up alcohol and soda for a month to try and de-bloat ever so slightly before the spandex extravanganza.*

and then! graduation! it was lovely. and also meant i could drink again.

and then i didn't go to pole class for basically 2 entire months due to a scheduling snafu where our group got bumped out of our normal time slot. which means, in short, that i spent 2 straight months eating and drinking my face off, and doing absolutely bullcrap in terms of working out.

fast forward to last monday, when our new session started up. pole masters. which is what you take when you've gone through all 6 normal levels, and want to continue learning new ways to inflict bruises on your most intimate ladyparts by hanging off of poles in alarming fashions.

AND! because i'm a moron, and because our class got moved to 8 freaking 45 at night, i decided i'd drop into a level 3 class each week beforehand, because i needed something to do while i waited for 8:45 to come around. in other words, after 2 months of eating and drinking everything in sight - and not exercising - i subjected myself to 2.5 straight hours of intense pole workout. GREAT IDEA.

(by which i mean i can't move my shoulders omfg does anyone know a masseuse? i am not even kidding.)

(also i didn't realize how many calluses i'd developed over the past year. and then promptly lost in 2 months. except HA HA yes i do because of all the BLISTERS and SKIN LOSS and i'm very sorry if that's gross but seriously. literally hurts to type.)

anyway! so i'm at class monday night, where we learn this week's new trick, which as usual is pretty much insane and should not be tried by anyone in their right mind. it's called a pole handstand.

as people who saw my routine know, inverting is not actually a big deal. it consists of standing next to the pole, then throwing your legs up over your head and grabbing on with your ankles:

so with the pole handstand, you then maneuver yourself so you're fully upside down, then rearrange your legs, and...uh.. somehow finagle yourself into this:
my first reaction: riiiight. i guess i didn't try to hide my severe skepticism, since after she demonstrated the move our instructor did a real life point and laugh at me. except! here's the crazy thing! i actually DID this on monday night. usually it takes me 2 (..or 3 ...or 15) weeks before i learn whatever new wackadoodle trick they teach us. i'm pretty excited. which i guess means that this one is totally not as hard as it looks.

(also! the studio where i take classes is opening a new location in falls church - that's inside the beltway, kids! - this weekend. come check out some intro classes. you'll be hooked.)

*my gosh, how fun is "spandex extravaganza" to say!? i just keep saying it in a big boomy voice in my head. SPANDEX EXXXXXTRAAVAGAAAAANZA!!! or! SPANDEXTRAVAGANZAAA!!!