i should have saved this for the "weird things about me" meme

hi! let's talk about calves!

ever since highschool, i have had an inappropriate obsession with calf muscles. i think well-defined calf muscles on women are really hot. i, um, don't know why / when / how i focused on this particular body part, but i used to talk about people's "calf divot" all the time. the calf divot, as defined by me, is that awesome definition you get when you have a sweet calf muscle:

dear lady on flickr whose legs these are: sorry for stealing! but woo! nice legs!

i wanted a divot SO EFFING BADLY. when i was in highschool, i weighed roughly 105 lbs, and was all active and crap. my highschool required that every kid play a sport every single semester, so i was running around a lot playing sports in between climbing trees and wrestling my friends. basically, my point is that if anyone should have had a stupid calf divot, it should have been me, since i was in possession of muscles and was NOT in possession of any fat to cover them up with. however, my calves have always looked a lot more like this:

also not my legs.

see? all smooth? with NO MUSCLE DEFINITION? despite my best efforts? THE INJUSTICE. i even did calf research, and learned, much to my dismay, that calf definition is GENETIC, and if you're born a smooth-calfer, you're stuck being a smooth-calfer. WHAT THE EFF. NOT OK.

so anyway. i eventually stop being so actively obsessed with my calves, since CLEARLY they're not going to change, and just secretly lust over other hot lady-calves every once in a while.

and apparently, the whole trick to getting calf muscles is to.. ignore them. or something. because this came up last weekend for the first time in forEVER, about how i was sad not to half calf divots, and the friend i was complaining to noted that he had no idea what i was talking about, since HEY LOOK I HAVE THEM.

I! HAVE CALF DIVOTS! IN MY LEGS!

i am ECSTATIC, obviously, and also flummoxed. a) wtf? i thought this was genetic? am i MUTATING? b) what the hell am i doing differently these days that i spontaneously generated a calf divot?

the only newly-introduced activities into my life recently have been yoga and soccer. and I KNOW, soccer must be it, because soccer players! with their legs! except HA HA when i say i play soccer, i should say i "play" "soccer," because really i "run around like a moron" while other people play soccer, because i've never PLAYED soccer and it turns out you need these weird "skills" like "footwork" and "ability to run around like mad and not puke" and i seem to be a little short on both counts. so, i'm pretty sure my spazzy running around a soccer field hasn't been the difference, since i essentially do exactly the same thing when i play ultimate frisbee.

so, i'm forced to conclude that it's the yoga. which: SERIOUSLY? this yoga deal is the best thing i've ever done. have i waxed poetic yet about my abs? how i have ACTUAL STOMACH MUSCLES that i can FEEL? with my HANDS? it's... novel.

i just reread this post, and i'm pretty sure it's the creepiest thing i've ever written. who the hell writes so much about calves?! i'm totally going to get swamped by weird fetish google searches now. i have this one picture on flickr from my bridesmaid dress party last year, where you can see the bottoms of my GROSSLY FILTHY feet because i was walking around barefoot on the metro, and that picture has had over a thousand views (and some icky comments), whereas my normal photos have like... 5 views.

oh my god, i need to stop. /post. happy weekend!