September 12, 2005

sleep? who needs sleep?

my head's kind of a mess. i usually like to think it's a good mess ("creative!" "quirky!" etc..) but today it's quirkily annoying. i had some weird dreams last night, anxiety dreams, that kind of sort of made sense... but whatever the Main Extra Anxiety Dream was about eludes me, just leaving me today with a palpable distrust of slides.

i recently started teaching piano with some regularity. i have 4 students: one girl my age, a middle-aged woman, and 2 kids. i've played piano since i was four, and i took private lessons until i graduated college, but technically i'm not a trained instructor or anything. however, the lessons have all gone well, and i realized i didn't have much to worry about, i'm a pretty decent teacher, hopefully they don't secretly hate me, etc etc.

but last night i had all these bizarre dreams about teaching, mostly to little kids, and i was running around frantically, overbooked, missing lessons and getting people mad at me, and unable to correct these really egregious errors all my students had, and then there was something really dire involving a slide, but i don't remember that part.

i guess it makes sense. sort of. i'm waiting to hear back from the doctor's office about some tests that may have scary results, and i suppose that's what i'm anxious about and why i can't sleep and why i'm having anxiety dreams. it's odd that they're taking the form of little kids who insist on playing piano with their hands curled into fists despite my best efforts to correct them. or the form of playground slides steeped in anxiety. i really wish i could remember what the hell happened with that slide.

so! that was fun for everyone. feel free to reminisce about how i used to write interesting posts about dreams here.

12 comments:

  1. I think the piano is a beautiful instrument. At least I thought it was until I had to move one.

    Seriously, I think dreams in general are an extension of your inner apprehensions.

    I'm sure the test results will be fine but are the source of most of the anxiety.

    Your dream has a lot to do with control. Things that are almost uncontrollable, time, life, over scheduling. A curled fist is a sign of frustration. Maybe the lack of control over the tests is causing some form of frustration.

    I believe God can talk to us through dreams, although it's not too popular for people to say stuff like that.

    At least you weren't dreaming of your parents having sex with the GYN.

    ~Jef

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  2. Ah, yes. I'm all to familiar with anxiety related dreams.

    Sorry I haven't visited in a while! I've missed reading your stories. I just read the one about you walking in on your parents having sex. LOL! Ugh..I have one of those types of memories too. (shudder)

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  3. I'm with you on the sleep-interrupting anxiety. It sucks. And not in a quirky OR creative sort of way. Hope things get better soon...

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  4. There must be something in the air b/c I was having bizarre anxiety filled dreams all last night as well. *sigh*

    Good luck on your test results though...you're right, that's probably what's at the root of the problem dreams.

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  5. #1, that post was pretty interesting, so don't get down on yourself.
    #2, I think the answer to your problem lies in the dream itself! Don't you see?? To get rid of this pent up anxiety, you just need to let go of your teaching instinct and go bang on a piano with your fists!!

    Really, that's perhaps the epitome of stress relief: embodying the freedom of a small child pounding the heck out of a piano with its fists with no regard for harmony or screaming teachers. If only we could all be so free and so hilarious....

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  6. I never dream about jobs... I walk out the door and forget I was ever there. Had that knack since I was a teenager making french fries. Now THAT'S a nightmare. lol

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  7. Your post reminds me of a not-so-old Everly Brothers number, "Asleep" ...

    Asleep
    please oh please let me fall asleep
    it's like heaven when I sleep
    until morning I forget her

    I lie awake in my lonely bed
    in a room without a light
    Trying hard to find a dream
    that gets me through the night

    But
    sleep won't come
    it's never there
    since you're no longer mine
    and sleep is such a precious thing
    with your memory on my mind

    Asleep
    oh please let me fall asleep
    it's so peaceful when I sleep
    until morning nothing matters

    Asleep
    if I could only fall asleep
    it's like heaven when I sleep
    until morning I forget her

    I hate to see the sun go down
    and face another night
    I watch the shadows climb the wall
    as they try to catch the light

    Asleep
    oh please let me fall asleep...


    Asleep
    if I could only fall asleep
    it's like heaven when I sleep
    untill morning I forget her

    Asleep
    oh please let me fall asleep...

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  8. hey-- I'm sure it is related to the tests--- hope everything turns out OK-- I"m sure it will...

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  9. I think you are entirely under too much stress. That is type of dream I have when I am stressed.....

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  10. I hated counting the beats and just played to whatever tempo i wished...this just about drove one of my teachers nuts and she tapped along with her pen on the piano so incessantly that the thing was dented and chipped in that spot...unreal.

    As for the test results--don't sweat it..I know it sounds cliché but stressing only makes things worse. You've done all you can and supposed to, so take comfort in the fact that you've already done more than most people would!

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  11. Nice blog. Stressors, burn out, worry, anxiety, all that stuff is all too often just a sign of our times. For some free relief, try the free subliminal MP3 at www.mindmint.com. It really works for me!

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  12. There is too much stress in the world today. For some free help, get the MP3 at www.innertalk.com/mp3.html#free

    ReplyDelete