September 09, 2005

uncomfortable moments, part deux

you all are very right: knowing i was conceived during new year's eve sex is not nearly as bad as walking in on your parents ACTUALLY HAVING SEX.

which i've also done.

i woke up one night, and thought my mom was having a bad dream. she was moaning and gasping and possibly thrashing, so i thought it must be a pretty terrible dream. i got up, went to my parents' doorway, and stood there for a minute, trying to decide if i should go in and shake her awake, and also wondering why there was a part of me trying to scream that this was a VERY BAD IDEA. i was a very naive kid growing up, but apparently there was some part deep down that must have figured it out. eventually, i settled on tentatively calling out "mom...?" from the doorway.

all noises and motion stopped, very suddenly. there was a long pause. then my mom said, in a constricted voice, "alice, go back to bed, ok?"


i'll concede this is NOWHERE near as bad as walter's story. although she did want to "talk about it" several times in the following days, which i definitely did NOT want to do, once i put 2 and 2 together.

also on my list of weird and uncomfortable moments: a comment from my gyno one time. my doctor is about 118 yrs old, although very competant, but i figure the oldness kind of negates the "aiie there's a strange man prying my vagina apart" thing. so anyway. he's doing the annual breast exam (which for all you men out there who may not know, basically entails the doc massaging your boobs for a couple minutes making sure there are no lumps). in the middle of this, my doctor goes "you've been on the pill for a while, right?" and i replied "yeah, about 7 years now, i guess." to which my elderly male doctor, with a hearing aid in each ear, replies: "wow, for someone on the pill that long, your breasts feel GREAT!"


  1. My daughter walked in on us having sex several years back. Later she said: " I thought you two were said you going go have nap? "

    Now I when I want her to shut up, I say to my wife:
    "Hon, wanna go take a nap?"

    It freaks her out and she leaves the area....

    lol lol lol

  2. That whole gyn thing has got to be at least uncomfortable. It goes against all forms of modesty and everything we try to condition our daughters for. "Don't take your clothes off for men, don't let men touch your privates, don't let men look at you naked," ... etc.

    There is not close male equivelant except the proctologist or urologist. I find my proctologists based on their finger size. I would prefer a proct with long skinny fingers. They seem to all have tree trunks for digits. "Mooooooon River!!!!"

    An no Dr. EVER treats your privates like grandma's china. To them the privates deserve as much respect as a fumble on the 1 yard line of the Super Bowl. No orifice is sacred.


  3. parents having sex...thats nasty. fortunately that hasn't happend to me yet. very fortunate.

  4. Is there a problem that we should be aware of? Feel great?

  5. mad - yeah, apparently, women on the pill often suffer "lumpy boobs." i had no idea. apparently i'm one of the lucky non-suffers-of-the-lump :-)

  6. interesting fact. You learn something new every day.

    I walked in on my parents when I was a kid.....GROSS!

    I also found out at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary that I was conceived on my grandparents barge, which was announced to EVERYONE at the party.

  7. That THAT is why I have a female gyno. Because I don't care how old a guy is or how long he's been a doctor, it's never going to be a comfortable situation. Ew and ew.

    Oh, and besides the fact that my parents' room was over mine, sometimes they wouldn't even try to be stealth. If their bedroom door was closed, well, that was a good sign. Again I say ew.

  8. Okay as for weird opps cant use that word - strange Gyno experiences....My Gyno has a poster of Chip and Dales on the freaking ceiling....Why the F-word would I want to look at men in thongs when someone that looks like my Grandmother is blah blah blah????

  9. I think your breasts feel great, too.

  10. our kids get freaked everytime we even allude to our "conjugal" relations. We are actually enjoying teasing them with it. It is sooooooo much fun watching them get red and say "Mommmmmm, To much information"

    Men should be getting breast exams too. The male side of our clan has had some cancer also and it is apparently not too unocommon

  11. BTW,, I was a post vasectomy baby. My parents thankfully waited until I was 20 before sharing that with me

  12. The whole parental sex thing is just....ick.

    My gyno is a very nice lady, and she does a great job down there (what a weird thing to say) but she's a Seinfeld character - the close talker. When she first comes into the exam room she has to get right up next to me. It's very uncomfortable. As odd as it may sound, it's more uncomfortable than having her down below the equator!

  13. OMG!!!!! You got hit on by the old man doctor while he was copping a feel!!! ickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    just so you know, when I was growing up, my bedroom was directly next door to my parents room. the head of my bed was backed up to the head of their bed, with only a thin wall in between. I'm just saying.

  14. If your OB-GYN is seeing every part of you, and gets to make comments on how great your headlights are, then does he bother to leave the room when you're dressing or undressing?

  15. I'm confused as to why these parents can't figure out how to lock their door. I wouldn't like my (hypothetical) children walking in on my and my (hypothetical) wife any more than they would.

    And that's what locks are for. Parents, take note. It's a win-win propostion.

  16. I KNEW I should have gone to med school...