November 11, 2009

paintings of the pole: volume 2

who's ready for the next installment of "i'm supposed to be able to do WHAT NOW in pole class!?" complete with crappy ms paint drawings? well, aren't you in luck!

as you may recall from last time, i was freaking out over the prospect of holding myself upside down without the benefit of oh, say, my hands. now that we're supposedly pros at that (heh, no pun intended) we've moved on to doing MORE things while holding on with just our legs.

i'd like to take a quick moment to remind everyone how insane that statment is. HOLDING ON. TO A POLE. using just your thighs and the searing, indian-burn-like sensation your skin experiences while supporting your entire body weight via friction against metal.

ok then! moving on, we have the newest insanity we learned in class this week. it starts out with you doing a handstand to the pole.

this part isn't actually too ridiculous, honestly. i'm still a little skittish about doing it without someone behind the pole to spot me, since, you know, you can't see your feet to make sure they're aiming at the pole when you're throwing them over your head to get into the handstand, but as long as there's someone there to grab your feet and make sure they connect with the pole, it's pretty non-alarming.

the next part, which is alarming, is that you clamp your legs and feet around the pole, sit up, and grab it with your hands.
please to excuse the clearly innacurate physiology here, because this part is so ridiculous i couldn't actually figure out how to draw the body to make it happen even in THEORY. the sitting up part? not too hard. the sitting up part WHILE HOLDING ONTO THE POLE WITH YOUR THIGHS SO YOU DON'T FALL OFF and/or SLIDE DOWN IT? insane.

this is maybe a little tmi (um, as opposed to the pole dancing part..?) but the insides of my thighs, my knees, and the tops of my feet are covered in bruises from me clamping on for dear life while my poor little sensitive inner thigh skin cries pitifully in pain. it's hot, believe you me.

as i've told the man friend, he'd better hope nothing sinister happens to me anytime soon, because HOOBOY are things going to look suspicious for him.

26 comments:

  1. I've only taken one pole dancing class in my life but I can't even imagine having the strength to do those moves. I could hardly even climb up it.

    (PS - I love your illustrations.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha! I love your drawings! Also, OUCH. I have a new found respect for pole dancers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you've just explained why exotic dancers are more susceptible to domestic violence.

    Wait, that was crude. And so wrong. I'm going to punish myself now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hehehe! That last picture made me realize how hard that would actually be. Not gonna happen for me! Good luck with that!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ever since you started mentioning this, I have been DYING to do it! Except for that skin screech thing. That sounds horrifying.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Um, I love your drawings! You're so good at Paint!

    I'm scared. Katie and I signed up for a Groupon at one of those pole places and we HAVE to use it since we BOUGHT it already and well, yeah. OUCH.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, all i can think is that if humans were supposed to be able to do that there wouldn't be a little thing called, oh I don't know...gravity. Kudos for making the effort to beat physics!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dude, this is amazing! Okay, I may have doubted before (or, more likely, just not thought about it before), but pole dancing is seriously athletic!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I do not have enough muscles in my entire body, let alone my legs, to do that kind of move. You are much braver than I am to even attempt it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. two things:
    1 - I am very impressed with your paint skills
    2 - I am fairly certain that you could break me with all of your muscles

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not only would my legs not be able to support my body weight but my arms would buckle while attempting the handstand. I should drink more milk or something. Or maybe beer? Definitely more beer.

    ReplyDelete
  12. All I can imagine is me trying to to a handstand, then tipping over and the pole getting caught, and then my arms collapse and the pole is there and oh my that would hurt.

    Wouldn't even matter what was SUPPOSED to happen next.

    You are a brave, brave woman!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You have to own the pole BE the pole...that's what he said!! You know how hard it is to resist pole jokes? By the way, that is some amazing MS paint skills you have! I am impressed!

    ReplyDelete
  14. OMG OMG OMG. Just LOOKING at those drawings hurts. You are BUFF.

    ReplyDelete
  15. i think you may have just proved, scientifically, that pole dancing is more athletic than cheerleading.

    (i have no idea why i just took a shot at cheerleaders. it just felt right.)

    ReplyDelete
  16. You must be building some killer muscles! I love that you are doing this. I love how adventurous you are!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes, I realize I say the same thing every time you talk about the pole dancing.

    Owwwww...

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are my hero.
    That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  19. OMW! Shit that looks awesome. Damn NOW I really want to try pole dancing. Fuck imagine being able to do that. It's impressive.

    ReplyDelete
  20. As always, I am mad impressed with your pole dancing finesse AND paint skills. Wow. Is there anything you can't do?

    ReplyDelete
  21. oh my goodness... that's like doing 100 situps. Going all the way up? Your poor abs, as well!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I totally ♥ your drawings.
    1) I can do the standing up part, although the figure is too skinny to be me.
    2) I keep thinking that if a person goes up for the headstand and misses, it would be very. bad. indeed. Worse than a boy & a bike accident kind of bad.
    3) Ever since my surgery 9 years ago, I can't do a regular sit-up.

    Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT tell my husband about this class. He would totally aspire to have me sign up for it. And it ain't gonna happen.

    And did I mention that you amaze me?

    ReplyDelete
  23. OMG, you are my hero. That looks and sounds so effing painful. It reminds me when I took trapeze dancing classes, I lasted 2 sessions since I got my hands and feet destroyed, it sounds like this is not any better...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Love your drawings! Keep up the good work! :) Poledance <3

    ReplyDelete