October 05, 2009

stink, stank, stunk

most of you have probably read amalah's account of her stinkbug infestation, right? so, i live in the same basic region as amy, and have been dealing with a similar, uh, situation of my own. e.g., the "how many stinkbugs will i find in my house TODAY?" situation.

(answer: typically anywhere between 2 and 10.)

reading amy's post provided a VERY HELPFUL tidbit of information, though: that squishing those big, ugly, armored weirdo bugs not only smells terrible, but TELLS OTHER STINKBUGS TO COME ON OVER. what the eff, stinkbugs? that is a seriously terrible evolutionary flaw you've developed. "hey! smells like johnny just got offed - let's all go to the exact spot where it just happened and hang out!"

ANYWAY. as a result of this thrilling information, i've been vaccuuming up the fuckers instead of squishing them, because i already have PLENTY crawling around without sending out a freaking stink bug bat signal to attract more. one hiccup with this plan, though, is that i own cats. and cats are notoriously bad at a) doing what you want them to do, and b) using vaccuum cleaners. so this means that when the cats find a stink bug before i do, they.. well... they play with it. half the time this results in a dead (stinky) stink bug, and half the time this ends up with a terrorized (and still stinky) stink bug hiding out in a place the cats can't find it.

so the other night, i'm in bed reading. i decide i'm nice and sleepy, so i put down the book, turn off the light, and snuggle into my covers, snaking one arm under my pillow like always. and my fingers touch something... crunchy. my first thought is that it's a tag from the throw pillow. my second thought is that i think i remember the cats chasing a stink bug behind my bed earlier in the day. my third thought is that i'm awfully tired, and stink bugs don't really DO anything anyway, and it's probably the pillow tag anyway, so do i really care? it's probably not a stink bug.

my fourth thought: OMG WHAT IF I WAKE UP WITH A STINK BUG CRAWLING ALL OVER MY FACE? I CARE! GAH, I CARE!

so i turned on my light and lift up my pillow... and yup. a fucking stink bug, waving its creepy feelers and wandering around under my head. GRAAAARRGGH. i grabbed a tissue and tossed him in the toilet and went back to bed.

...and noticed that my hand REEKED of stink bug stank. apparently the fuckers are like skunks, and can DOUSE you with stink when startled. or, uh, poked. i don't know exactly, but i can tell you that it doesn't wash off. my hand AND my BED smelled like stink bug, and unless i wanted to get up at 1am to do a load of laundry, there didn't appear to be anything i could do about it.

i cannot wait for it to get cold enough to kill these guys.

16 comments:

  1. I wondered what all those little bitches were! I have had a ton of them in my house also. They suck, I feel your pain.

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  2. Okay, that's it: I'm doing a stinkbug post this week!
    We GENTLY grab those little mofos with a square of toilet tissue and drop them in the toilet.
    My cat seems to leave them alone (she might be useless?) but I did NOT know that the scent brings others running to the crime scene. That is a serious evolutionary flaw! Or maybe not? Because after a while we just give up and run hiding with our faces in our pillows... oh wait, can't do that either. Gah!!!!!

    (Believe me, I check my sleep mask thoroughly before putting it on each night.)

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  3. Must be a middle Atlantic thing, because I don't recall stink bugs in North Carolina and definitely not in Boston. Either way, eiwwwwww. So gross.

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  4. I second Hillary except more emphatically. EW!EW!EW!EW!EW!!!! *does anti-stinkbug totally creeped out dance*

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  5. Bleh. Sleep on the couch?

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  6. omg - EWWWW! In the bed I could NOT deal with. yik.

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  7. ew. Please tell me it will wash off before I see you next weekend!

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  8. Grah. Stinkbugs are the Glade air fresheners of the bug world. (Jason claims the scented oil remains on your hands for DAYS.)

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  9. Guh, guh, guh. I don't know how to go on living

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  10. Oh, UGH.

    I hate finding things like that in your bed. Reminds me of my parents' house in the woods... where I found a scorpion in my bed. AFTER it had already stung me. EW. EW. EW!

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  11. Bugs that smell? Why would evolution make one already horrible thing even worse?

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  12. or even worse, what if you found one IN your mouth.

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  13. Thanks for a great case of the mid-afternoon heebie jeebies.


    shiver.

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  14. I just flushed one of those bastards down the toilet today. HATE THEM!

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  15. I went to Baylor and every year in waco there was an enormous cricket infestation from august to October. It made you want to die. Or at least never leave the house.

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