ready for a rant? i am!!
so i belong to a wine club from a small napa vineyard, called ceja. four times a year, they mail me a lovely selection of 3 of their wines. since it's alcohol, someone 21+ has to sign for the package when it's delivered. for the last year (and for the year before that, when i belonged to a virginia wine club) fedex comes by during business hours, during which i'm naturally not at home, leaves a door tag, and then comes back the next day - but often later in the day, like 6 or 7, which is very nice of them, because i'm home to sign for the wine by then.
i've considered changing the mailing address to my office, but a) so far - over 2 years! - they've always very nicely returned at a time when i'd be home, and b) it didn't seem very professional to have alcohol repeatedly delivered to my place of business.
anyway! in september, i came home to a door tag saying they'd tried to deliver my wine. alas. i knew i'd be home in time for dinner the next night, so i wasn't worried.
the next day, i come home to another door tag (this time made out to "juliette," inexplicably).
day 3: another door tag. three strikes and i'm out; i'll have to go pick up the package from them. no big deal; i figure i'll do it over the weekend.
the weekend arrives, and i plug the tracking number into their website to see where this place is. the only information it provides is "alexandria, va." so i look up where the alexandria, va locations are on fedex's website... and there are more than one. so how am i supposed to know where to pick up my package? the places seem to be closed for pickups on the weekends, anyway. hrmph.
i decide i'll bail on my monday class specifically to make it to alexandria after work in time to pick up my package. on monday afternoon i call fedex to ask them which place to go to. after 30 minutes on the phone with them, they admit that their systems are down and they haven't been able to track my package since they have no computers. can i call back later?
two hours later, i leave work and call fedex again from my car. their computers are back up, so they can look up my package! ...oh, but it's not actually being held at a regular fedex location, it's being held at a SPECIAL holding facility that they have to call and talk to FOR me so they can work it out that i can go pick it up. oh, and they're only open from 8:30am - 4:30pm. in springfield.
springfield is REALLY not close to where i work. probably a good 45 minutes away, assuming i hit no traffic. and this is the dc metro region: you can never count on not hitting traffic.
and anyway, since this other place is only open until 4:30 each day, fedex explains that i'll need to call back the next day, so that THEY can call the special holding place again when they're actually open. good thing i've cancelled my plans for the night so i could drive down to alexandria, right?
the next day, i call fedex yet again. i ask them first to move my wine to one of these "special holding facilities" that is anywhere near my office or my home. there are no other ones, they tell me. can they hold on to it at ANY OTHER fedex location? no. sorry. my only option is to go to springfield. oh! but! they're also open on saturdays, so i should be fine. right, because my saturdays have been so free and open recently.
i tell them i'll pick it up over the weekend, hopefully, and make them call the secret fedex location to confirm they won't mail my wine back. fedex says they called alternate-fedex and they'll hold on to my package.
saturday rolls around, and it's just not happening. after a night out at the legwarmers, i barely have time to recover before i need to clean my house up from the evening's preparty before shannon arrives to visit. no road trips to springfield possible. but it's ok, right? fedex called alternate fedex and told them to hold on to the package for me.
so today, friday, i work from home. it's nice and slow today since we just closed the quarter on wednesday night, and everyone's taking a bit of a breather. so, perfect time for me to finally go to alexandria, right?
except, haha! turns out they sent my package back today. to california.
to recap: fedex did come to my house 3 separate times, but i was not home during any of them. so they sent my package to a remote location that i could not speak to directly, which is only open until 4:30 each day, that is nowhere close to my home or my office, and couldn't bring the package to ANY OTHER fedex in the state that would have been accessible to me during business hours. i was unable to pick it up on the 1 saturday that has transpired since then, so they sent my package back to california.
motherfucker. you owe me 3 very nice bottles of wine, fedex.