August 03, 2009


the last metro on saturday nights is always interesting. sometimes because you get puked on, sometimes because the drunks are yelling at each other, sometimes because people are having pull-up competitions on the metro bars, and sometimes just because 22 year olds are.. well... 22 and drunk.

on the metro home from an impromtu dance session with dcprincess at sign of the whale on saturday night, i pulled out my current book (shadow of the wind, by carlos ruiz zafon, recommended by both jess and wanderlusting!) and nestled down in my seat to read. a stop later, the bench behind me was noisily taken by a young couple, while their friend slipped in next to me. they had clearly just had a fun night out, and were good-naturedly drunk.

i tuned them out almost immediately and went back to my book. that arrangement continued for about 10 stops, until the guy next to me apparently got bored, leaned into me and asked, completely deadpan:

"so... is that a book you're reading there?"

i looked at him incredulously, then finally answered "no," just because. i mean, what else do you say to a drunk 22 year old asking if the book you're reading is a book?

the girl behind him positively CROWED with laughter at this response, chucking me on the shoulder and declaring "girrrrrrl!! good answer!!" while dissolving into hysterics. my seatmate continued trying to engage me in conversation, but i was more interested in reading, so he eventually gave up and i was left to my book once again.

...until the girl behind me peered over my shoulder and demanded, "you don't believe the first line in chapter 25, do you?!"

me: ....i'm sorry?
girl: the first line in chapter 25! you can't really believe that!!
me: ...uh..? what do you mean, believe it...?
girl: the first line! it's ridiculous! you can't tell me you actually BELIEVE it!
me: um... this is a work of fiction.

(the line, by the way? "We went into Father Fernando's office, where the priest summoned up his memories, adopting the tone of a sermon.")

i've learned over the past few years that my increasingly angry hangovers are just reeealllly not worth getting too drunk any more (uh, except by accident *coughpassingoutonlilu'scouchcough*) and i'm good with that. but as silly as these kids were, it did make me a bit nostalgic for my own (dumb and drunken) early 20s. not enough to regret that i'm older and not quite as stupid, but still. i tend to dismiss that time in my life a bit, since i WAS awfully young, and stupid, and usually drunk. but you know? it was also pretty fun., not that i need to replay those years though. i mean, i didn't earn the nickname "the kissing bandit" by NOT drunkenly making out with, uh, anyone available. i like to think my current potential kissing buddies appreciate the results, though. i'm a damn good kisser.


  1. 1) You are brave. I never take public transportation in Chicago after like 10 PM because of the drunks and the bums and the scary people.

    2) I don't regret my drunkenly ways of being in my early 20s either. I just wish I would stop trying to recreate them in my early 30s!

  2. "The Kissing Bandit" is way gentler nickname than most of the nicknames given to girls who tend to lower their makeout standards when drunk. Really. You got a good one.

  3. The vomiting is the worst. I was going back home late one Saturday night and a girl on there threw up. Thankfully the people with her had a trash bag and she dumped the contents of her insides in it. Ew.

    And how is it 22 year olds are getting smashed drunk while I'm a 30 year old who is denied a drink at a bar in the middle of the day??!! So not fair.

  4. Ah, to be young, stupid and drunk. Those were the days.

    I'd like a post entirely on The Kissing Bandit, if you don't mind.

  5. I was never really much for drinking, even when I was in college. They say I missed out but I have no regrets, at least not yet.

    Still, I hope you're enjoying the book!

  6. Late night Metro is great for people watching and terrible for people avoiding. At least they didn't throw up on you. Win!

  7. I usually have the worst Nurse Ratched look on my face when those kids get on the train that they steer clear of me. At least you can chalk it up to having an approachable aura about you. =)

  8. Honestly, that was really the couch's fault. It gets quite handsy at parties. I'll give it a stern talking to next time you're over.

  9. I have learned to be smarter by now, too... MOST of the time. Saturday I went a bit overboard, and I paid for it all day yesterday. Ugh. The bounceback was definitely quicker when I was younger.

    Also, my word verification is "dilido." Seriously. I can NOT be the only one who, out of the corner of my eye, read that wrong, right??

  10. Aw I miss being drunk on the Metro- hasn't happened since two weeks ago.

  11. I am *so* past those days! Now I prefer to be pleasantly buzzed for hours at a time. But then, I am old.
    Sounds like you had a great time at Blogher! It reminds me of going to my high school reunion (25th... I told you I was old!): You can go and have a great time with people you enjoy, or you can go and concentrate on the shallowness. I think you made the better choice. :)

  12. Kissing Bandit ... heee! I love it.

  13. I don't miss my 20's at all my 30'sV. U bet

  14. i thought for a while that i had left the really heavy drunkenness behind. but, no. i'm beginning to think my liver is just lulling me into a false sense of sobriety and that one night i'm going to order roughly the same number of drinks i always do and then suddenly be outrageously intoxicated for no reason other than my liver's spite.

  15. Even drunk, you're one of the most hip girls I know! To be 22 and drunk... hmm, not sure I'd want to go back, but it sure was fun.

  16. Oh, I'm so still that girl.

  17. I have avoided spews of vomit more times than I care to recall while late night metro riding.

  18. Ahh, my great drunken Metro memories. I seem to recall one DC episode where we forgot to get off on our stop, and woke up, somewhere at the end of the Blue Line, jumped off the train, someone peed in the parking lot, we traded beers with a bum (we had PBR, he had High Life) and by the time we went back up to retrace our stops, the trains had gone out of service for the night...

    I think we must be connected somehow. Minus the awesome public transportation, I, too, was a kissing bandit (I once got entered into a kissing contest in college... OMG), and I give smart-ass answers to moron drunk kids, though usually in bars.