July 29, 2009

it's probably only TMI because i mention The Sex

as anyone who's ever gchatted me knows, i'm a pretty crappy gchatter. i tend to wander away mid-convo more often than not. but occasionally, i'll stick around long enough to finish at least a small conversation:

me: umm... so... likelihood that i want to spend a SECOND DATE with someone while in a BATHING SUIT....????
Gertrude: oy vey
Gertrude: where?

me: for saturday date w/the [good date], i asked if he had any plans in mind, and said it would be fun to do something outside if it was going to be nice out
me: "Hmm. outside... If it's hot, we could do a lazy pool bums afternoon. That's my suggestion, your turn"
Gertrude: I mean I'm sure you will look fantabulous...but that's something you have to work up to - I mean he hasn't even seen you naked yet - LOL
me: um, RIGHT?!?
me: he hasn't even felt my boobs, i don't think it's time to see my inner thighs yet

Gertrude: and how twisted is that btw...I'd rather have a guy see me naked first than in a bathing suit
me: ME TOO
Gertrude: hahahhahahaha
me: i mean, at least they're distracted by sex during that!

(so my little sister lives in san francisco, home of the infamous bay to breakers run. some people run it, and other people.. enjoy it. this was in the middle of a convo about her having been there, dressed as rainbow brite.)

me: ...but didn't they come to BtoB?
Sister: yeah
Sister: and i see you've caught onto the local slang
me: ha, is that what it's actually called? I was just being lazy
Sister: ha! yeah, that's what we call it
me: i am so in tune with the youth of today!
me: or... the gays of today!

Sister: hahaha!
Sister: to be honest, there were a whole lot of older gay gentlemen lining the streets.
Sister: naked.
me: oh... my
Sister: so, yes, you're in tune with older, naked gay men
me: that doesn't sound nearly as appealing
Sister: hahaha. i suppose i forgot to mention that part?
Sister: no, no, it's totally fun
Sister: and it's like half way through the parade when they start showing up
Sister: so you're already drunk enough that it just seems like good fun
me: no, i just mean as my personal tagline. "Alice: in tune with the older, naked gay men."
Sister: i see my new status update coming on...


  1. We had this discussion last night.

    Sex first. You have to earn the right to the bikini.

  2. But it's true. They ARE distracted by the sex. And there's nobody nearby for them to compare you to. It's a much better thing!

  3. What is it about being in a swimsuit that makes us women want to hide? I'll never understand it.

  4. It's true - though I would take neither. But at least with sex you aren't just lying there for him to stare at (I hope). Bathing suits...it's more like a parade.

    Also when in a bathing suit you are normally under merciless bright sunshine, not soft mood lighting!!!

  5. Totally sex first! I'm fairly certain I was already engaged to Shawn before he saw me in a bikini.

  6. Bikini's are EVIL and not in a good way.

  7. Would you ladies believe this is true from the male perspective as well. Everything you've said works both ways.

  8. Not only are they distracted by the sex, but it's dark ... or at least there's some mood lighting. But in a bikini, one would assume you're in the sun - nothing to hide there!

  9. I think you should go, but show up in a onesie with a tutu and a shawl.

  10. I do find it amusing that sex before bikini. Why is that?

  11. Really? Sex first? Brand new to me. But I get the feeling paraded thing. That makes sense.

  12. Forget what LiLu said, show up in one of those old timey one-pieces, like with the bonnet and stuff.

  13. OMG, bathing suits, NO! Naked is usually in the dark and not in the BRIGHT SUNSHINE!

  14. Oh, seriously. I am so with you. The sex distracts from figure flaws. Bathing suit bear no distracts. The only plan I have found worthwhile is giving them lots of beer so they don't notice the way your tummy does "that thing" when you lay on the lounge chair.

  15. I think you need to make a T-shirt.

  16. This is why I enjoy the early dating stages in the winter time. ;)

    Then again, CB and I met at the end of April and dated through the Summer. And then we were idiots. But got back together that January and made it work.

  17. First of all, go Sister! I love Rainbow Brite!

    Second, there's lots of time before Saturday... just make a pre-date date, and have sex!

    (Just kidding!)

    (...unless you've thought of this option already.)

  18. You could do what your BFF Old Naked Men do and go naked. OR, you could go as Rainbow Brite.

  19. I think I look better naked than in a swimsuit...so I guess that makes sense.

  20. Swimsuits like dissect you to point out your flaws.

  21. This made me laugh, out loud, early in the morning. That's no mean feat.

    'In touch with the older naked gay man' is the AWESOMEST tag line I've ever seen.