haaaaa. we have a confirmed case of swine flu IN MY OFFICE. how awesome is that?
in other "awesome" news, i find out in the next two-ish weeks whether or not i still have a job, due to some divestiture stuff here blah blah corporatecakes. i'm fairly zen about it overall, because honestly... either i get laid off, or i don't. no amount of freaking out will impact the outcome.
BUT. this means it's possible for my company to give me both the swine flu and a pink slip AT THE SAME TIME. which would be so morbidly hysterical i can totally see it happening.
dear universe: to clarify, this would actually not be funny. it would be awful. please do not do that. thank you.
Well, it's a good thing you went on vacation not too long ago or else the hilarity of this (potentially) effed up situation might've driven you over the edge.
ReplyDeleteAlso, recall the tenacious hang-over from this morning and resist all urges to revisit the cause of said hang-over in the face of this new awesome news.
Ummmm, what? Swine flu in your office and may get the pink slip? Does the universe think this is funny?
ReplyDeleteStay far away from said person and their workspace. Also hope you DO NOT get said pink slip!
Let's just hope the universe does not think that would be funny!
ReplyDeleteUgh. You are a better person than I am. I'd be tearing out my hair right about now. From behind my mask.
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it is your company's loss would be another company's gain. And while I'd hate for you to lose your job, I think another company would be so very lucky to have you!
ReplyDeletekeeping my fingers crossed that you don't get either one!
ReplyDeleteis it wrong that this post made me laugh really hard? only because of the writing, not the content, i promise!
ReplyDelete(also? my spam word is sties...as in "those pigs should have stayed in the sties and never given us the flu" ok i'm done now)
I love your attitude.
ReplyDeleteI'm better at freaking out than staying cool.
I know your feeling all too well!
ReplyDeleteUhm.
ReplyDeleteHOLY SHIT.
Ugh! I hope you avoid both! I'll be thinking good thoughts for you :)
ReplyDeleteO!M!G! That is a whole lot that could go wrong. Fingers crossed for you.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to think that since you've considered the possibility, that isn't the way it will happen. Still, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! (The universe, she is capricious at times.)
ReplyDeleteWait.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have a job, where will your drinking money come from???
I always ask the important questions.
oh you are being WAY more calm about this than i would be.
ReplyDeleteClearly I should not be giving advice about freaking out (as evidenced by my last post). So I will ask a simple question. Corporatecakes? I have never heard of such a dessert. Where does one get such a pastry? What do they taste like? I think it would have grey-pinstriped frosting. Am I correct?
ReplyDeleteI swear real life is way better than fiction sometimes. Crazier, that is for sure
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for you hon. I wish I could not freak out, even when I know I shouldn't. I just do.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should get ahead of the situation by proposing a compromise to the Universe... maybe it should go something like this....
ReplyDeleteDear Universe,
In regards to my current FUBAR situation, I propose a compromise to your vastness. Please allow me to keep wonderful job that allows me great vacation time and the money to enjoy it. In return, I will willfully expose myself to swine flu (as long as you promise that it will not kill me). In the meantime, send me a hot male nurse to nourish me back to health.
Your servant,
Alice
I'd rather have swine flu - you get to miss work for a very good reason! If you still have a job, that is.
ReplyDeleteVery good zen approach - work harder than normal right now and if it happens, it was meant to be. Time to find an even better job! Easier said than done, but I always seize the opportunities (after I am done freaking out).
Good luck! You'll be swell either way!
you should definitely go ahead and catch swine flu. They can't fire you if you're on paid sick leave.
ReplyDeleteGood for you NOT freaking out. I would be. I kind of am.
ReplyDeleteOh no! That WOULD be a crappy combination of events. Also, I just read somewhere about a guy who got laid off while ON HIS HONEYMOON. So um, yeah. I think they CAN fire you on sick leave. But let's hope you don't have to find out.
ReplyDeleteThat said, "blah blah corporatecakes" cracked me up.
"blah, blah corporatecakes" is officially my new favorite phrase!
ReplyDeleteoh dear! I hope that you do not receive either!
ReplyDelete