April 20, 2009

solo

i'm always surprised when people say they're impressed that i'm taking a vacation alone, or that they wish they were that brave, or they wish they could do something like that. it doesn't feel very brave, or very momentous when i do it. it just sort of... is.

ever since i was very small - young enough for me to hear someone refer to something as "their personal version of hell" - i've known exactly what mine would be. it would be to spend eternity by myself. not without a boyfriend; just with literally no one else to interact with. forever. i envision a desolate, post-apocalyptic landscape stretching out in all directions, with no signs of life anywhere, and it gives me the heebie jeebies.

when i'm upset or sad or depressed, i don't want time to myself. time to myself in those moods is the worst thing for me. i need to be with friends, go out, interact, to snap myself out of bad moods. i've never needed "me time" or "alone time" to function. "me time" ends up morphing into "me feeling sorry for myself that i'm not hanging out with other people time," more often than not.

and yet, i've been single for a LOT of my life. and the older i get, the fewer girlfriends i have who remain single on a regular basis. it's not something i'm particularly bitter about; it's just a fact. which means that if i'm only willing to do something with a buddy, there's an increasing number of things i just won't be doing. which doesn't really work for me.

i mean: i love to travel. LOVE it. the exhilaration of exploring a new place is just about my favorite thing in the world. and despite my unease at spending large quantities of time alone, i refuse to take that into consideration if it will adversely affect my plans for the things that make me the happiest.

don't get me wrong. a vacation in the caribbean is definitely a little better when taken with someone who will take pictures with you while smooching in front of a sunset. but it's certainly not UN-fun without that person, and i don't feel like i'm being very brave because i'm going by myself. more selfish, if anything. like, i'm so intent on doing things i enjoy, i'll go even if i can't coerce someone into coming with me. even if it's more expensive to go solo. because i wanna - *foot stomp* - so i'm GONNA.

plus, you get to spend your time however you want when you're traveling alone. there's always an element of compromise when traveling with others - they want to go to the impressionist museum, when you would rather spend the afternoon looking at picassos; i want to take 10 minutes to photograph a fountain until i get the shot i want; you want to just get some FOOD ALREADY OMG - whereas if i'm by myself, i get to eat wherever and whenever i want. i don't have to feel bad about going 20 minutes out of the way to get a better picture for my album. basically, i'm a fairly selfish person, and travelling alone lets me revel in my hedonism without having to feel at all bad about it.

there's always a bit of me that acknowledges that the trip would probably be more fun with "the right person." but seeing as that person is still waiting in the wings, there's no reason for me not to revel in my selfish solo time for now.

23 comments:

  1. I've travelled by myself and with my significant other. I enjoy both, for the reasons you mentioned. Sometimes it's great to have someone to share the holiday with and sometimes it's great to not have to compromise anything.

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  2. I think this is the perfect attitude to have. Being married or dating often boils down to meeting the right person at the right time, so if that hasn't happened yet, why should you deny yourself other fun things?

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  3. I'm sure it might've been more fun with the "right" person but I'm glad you'll set off on adventures on your own. I'd be sad if you were just shuffling around doing nothing, waiting for a relationship.

    I'm glad you had a nice time. Try not to scab yourself up so soon before the next one. :) Or, you know, ever.

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  4. I think there are a lot of people out there who wish they could be like you, but have issues with the being alone part. If ever I had the chance, I think I would've learned so much about myself by traveling alone. It just so happens I always had friends who were willing to travel with me.

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  5. I would love, love, LOVE to travel by myself. LOVE IT. Now, off to figure out how to broach THAT subject with the husband. :)

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  6. I totally am the same way, although I've never really traveled by myself other than for work. It totally bugs when I can't get the pics I want because the group all wants to move along. I just keep hoping to find the right traveling companions. I would so love to do a group trip someday.

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  7. Good for you, not just for travelling alone but for living life until that "someone" makes his appearance. I really enjoyed my trip to Ireland by myself. Sure it got a little lonely, but it had its perks, and now I can say I've seen Ireland, not I could have seen Ireland.

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  8. I love your philosophy. I have never minded traveling by myself either. Doing things your way is FUN.

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  9. I've traveled by myself quite a bit, and I really enjoy it. Sometimes it's nice to have someone there to share the memories with, but being able to do whatever you want with no compromises? It can be a lot of fun.

    Plus, I find that I meet more new people as a solo traveler, more than if I was with someone else

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  10. I used to go to all my conferences alone, and liked much of what that brought. Room service instead of treking out to find restaurants, coming/going at my leisure. Now, Mr. P travels with, and we are pretty good about taking solo side trips.

    I LOVE to eat lunch alone, and I nearly insist on it everyday. My co-workers think I am weird. Funny thing, Mr. P eats his lunch alone everyday too. Not quite the same as the Caribean, but still.

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  11. i would LOVE to go on a trip alone. seriously i think it would be one of the most relaxing amazing times ever.

    i would never have to be "on" - which is sometimes the worst thing of all. exhausting.

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  12. I heart you.

    Funnily enough, I spend too much time alone...and I love it. Maybe a bit too much.

    Tell you what, next vacay we'll go together and ignore each other until it's time to eat.

    I don't like eating alone for some reason.

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  13. I am SO with you on nearly every part of that. Well, except the not liking or needing alone time part. I pretty much require as much or more hermit time as social time. Strangely, I've taken only one vacation all by myself, but I loved it for the same reasons you mentioned.

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  14. The absolute best thing about traveling with your husband is that you can make him do all of that stuff you talked about.

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  15. You couldn't have said this better. Love this post.

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  16. you are one mentally healthy woman. I am still getting used to doing things on my own and I have a lot of fear.

    I want to drive to San Diego this weekend with my kid. it's only 2 hours and yet I'm scared. Of what? I don't know. I've one it once already but;...

    I really do envy you

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  17. Oh man I could not have explained this better. I'm had women tell me I'm brave for travelling alone ... the fear of getting raped stops most women. But I have waited for people to join me and I'm just tired of waiting. I've wanted to travel for so long.

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  18. My mom travels on her own quite a bit and she loves it. Oh, she'd probably like to have a friend along, but she chats with folks she meets and has a good time. I think she is amazing to travel solo because it usually means she is doing the Rick Steves thing, with just a big backpack and a camera bag.

    I drive my dh crazy with stopping to take pictures all the time. I'd enjoy hiking/traveling/whatever with a friend who actually like photography!
    I went to Hawaii before I met my husband. I hung out some of the time with a friend who was also there. One night we were enjoying mai-tais on the beach, which was lit with torches and looking oh-so-romantic, and we looked at each other and said, "What are we doing here TOGETHER?!?" But neither of us had a man to hang out with at the time. And we still enjoyed Hawaii. :)

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  19. I was more jealous than impressed! Well, okay, both. <3

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  20. I agree that revelling in hedonism is fun sometimes. If I had money I'd take vacations alone. (One more year until I graduate!)
    But its sort of like when people invite me to the gym, or shopping, or etc... I kind of like to spend a lot of time (public and private) alone!

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  21. We're on the same page - I love traveling alone and feel sorry for those that don't. It's the most exhilirating thing ever and the happiest moments of my life and happiest memories are of me, alone, traveling. Is that sad? Who knows - but it makes me very, very happy.

    It's harder now having a boyfriend cuz you don't want to be apart for two long but that hasn't stopped me at all! Just work has, lol.

    Hope your vacation is fabulous!

    PS I just wrote an article the other day on Women Traveling Alone on my travel blog. check it out!

    www.wander-lusting.blogspot.com

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  22. I've travel solo before but usually to visit friends in other towns. I've never done the complete travel to a location by myself. I don't think it's because I'm single but more about the way I like to travel- I like to center my travel around activities- say I want to travel to Kansas City, maybe I'll schedule it around a Red Sox/Royals game or a DMB concert.

    Travel can still be fun when you are by yourself and you have an agenda- think of parts of Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona.

    When I travel alone on business I am usually eating at sit-down restaurants by myself and doing all sorts of couply things alone. I don't mind it.

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