January 12, 2009

cats make everything better, right? RIGHT?

first of all, i DO NOT want to talk about the giants. i am not above deleting comments from eagles fans, just so you know. this is a very sore subject and it would be like making fun of my dead cat, which - i say this for the benefit of eagles fans, who are known not to have normal human emotions - would be MEAN and you SHOULD NOT DO it.

the afternoon could not have been worse. i mean, the game itself: a complete and utter disaster, like stabbing myself in the eyes repeatedly. we totally imploded, it was horrible, and i know that. but even WORSE. oh my god, even worse was that i inadvertently ended up watching the game AT AN EAGLES BAR. where i was literally one of about 6 people, out of maybe 500, wearing a giants jersey. and, AND, i was supposed to have watched it at a GIANTS bar, surrounded by other giants fans. except i was supposed to do this with Stretch, and he got stuck in baltimore overnight, and blah blah blah ended up meeting another friend and OOPSIE hey it's an eagles bar.

i hate eagles fans under the best of circumstances. when they're in freaking packs like this, though, and drunk, and have just routed the giants? OH MY GOD. i was pushed, taunted, tripped, and had beer "spilled" on me. one guy stationed himself right next to me so that he could yell "F*CK THE GIANTS" into my ear over and over and over and over again, until after about a minute i finally turned around and said that i knew eagles fans weren't known for their intelligence, but really, hadn't he got anything better? he continued mouthing off, but at least stopped the chanting directly into ear.

another guy was yelling again and again at my back about how pathetic the giants were, and what a stupid b*tch i was for coming to that bar, so i finally turned around and addressed him:

me: would you mind hitting me? because i *really* want to punch you right now and would love the excuse to do so.
him: i'm a gentleman! i would never hit a woman. ....although, i wouldn't have any problem pouring this beer on you.
me: you know what? go ahead, because i would still punch you in the f*cking face if you did that.

alas, he did not hit me OR pour his beer on me, but he did walk away. i am never going to that bar ever again, for any reason, regardless of whether it's even football season. HATE.

so, shall we talk about cats instead, which are fuzzy and loveable and NOT EAGLES FANS? yes. let's.

oliver is obsessed with this one roll of sparkly red string i have from wrapping christmas presents, and has managed to extricate it from anywhere i stash it to keep it out of his hands paws: from out of the box with christmas wrapping stuff; from out of a drawer; from out of a cabinet. i keep my xmas stuff in my storage room down the hall, and hadn't gotten around to putting it away yet, so the box of crap has been sitting in my dining room. and oliver has been sitting on the box like 14 hours a day.

last night, i put the sparkly red string in there for good, and taped up the top of the box so that oliver couldn't get into it any more. then i went to bed, making the rookie mistake of thinking oliver would realize he couldn't get the box open any more due to the tape, and go on his merry way.

HA. cut to 6:45am, when i am awakened by the sound of what is very clearly oliver RIPPING THROUGH the box in his frenzy to get at the red string. i decided to ignore it. it got worse. i finally got up and went into the dining room, expecting to see... well, i don't know what, but it wasn't this:

this cat needs a hobby.

bella, begging for attention. she's a bit of an attention whore and was bothered by the fact that i was taking pictures and not including her.

29 comments:

  1. This is HORRIFYING! I really wish he would have poured his beer on you (um, THEORETICALLY), because I'm guessing he wouldn't have walked out of there. Oh boy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oliver scares me a little.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Um. WTF? People seriously act like that? SERIOUSLY?

    I would've gotten myself in some serious shit had I been in that situation, because my mouth would not have been able to deal.

    ReplyDelete
  4. And *this* is exactly why you're supposed to live in Chicago and come to my house to watch NFL football while I serve homemade lasagna and chili. Down with the haters!

    ReplyDelete
  5. That is why I only watch football at home.

    That cat. is. funny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I thought of you during the game. Stupid Giants!

    I would've been mouthing off to Eagles fans too. Total jerkoffs.

    (Kinda related, during a Twins game a few years ago, we were losing BIG TIME to the Brewers and a very drunk Brewers fan was saying all kinds of crap to our section. The Twins ended up winning in extra innings and virtually everyone started hassling the guy. He bolted for the exit with his tail between his legs. It was awesome.)

    ReplyDelete
  7. P.S. I love Oliver and his devotion to destruction.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dude! That cat will not be denied his red scrunchy string and don't you go thinking you won't go unpunished for trying to box it up.

    So sorry for the Eagle Assholes you had to contend with. People like that take the joy out of football for me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ha! Oliver really loves that string!

    As for the bar, well. I have one friend who is an Eagle's fan and even HE says that most E fans are a-holes.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oliver already has a hobby: It's a red sparkly string. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Go you. I feel the same way about OU fans.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha! Oliver has this look on his face: "What?!" A cat wants what a cat wants.

    I'm sorry you didn't get to punch that guy in the gonads because it's what he deserved. Ick.

    ReplyDelete
  13. When I was a kid, I had a cat that looked a lot like Oliver.

    He was a Colts fan.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I still can't believe that asshole called himself a gentleman. Let's call a spade a spade, you know? He's a douchebag and everyone knows it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. it was a sad day in our household too yesterday. Stupid McNabb and his big stupid head.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oliver's expression is freaking PRICELESS

    ReplyDelete
  17. Your kitties are so adorable!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I swear, Philly has some of the worst sports fans. I don't get it. It's not our fault your city is like 1/3 rotting. Sheesh. And I went to school there, so I feel like I can say that.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oliver's obsession with that red string is AWESOME. AWESOME.

    PETS ARE AWESOME.

    Sorry about your Giant. My Vikings fell to those Philly jerks last week.

    *sniff*

    ReplyDelete
  20. i want to love cats (especially yours) but i can't i just can't like them.

    don't hate me!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ugh, Alice, that is AWFUL. I hate it when fans get like that. I agree with Nilsa; you'll just have to come here and watch football with us. We are nice and normal.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yeah, that pretty much sums up Philadelphia fans. Miserable and whiny in defeat, classless in victory.

    Did anyone remind any of the fans there that they weren't the ones actually playing in the game?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wow, I really can't believe the behavior in the bar. What douchebags.

    Hell hath no fury like a cat denied.

    (also - my six year old acts just like Bella. Heaven forbid I take pictures of her brother.)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Frickin sports fans...they sound just like Maple Leaf fans! JERKS!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I *heart* your kitties. Oliver with his string is like Cleopatra with her catnip from grandma. Sheesh!

    Football is meant to be watched with friends. After the Seahawks were beaten by the REFS in their SuperBowl bid against the Steelers, I cannot talk football or watch football with a Steelers fan.
    I suppose this puts Stretch out of the running, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  27. My favorite is Oliver's look of pure satisfaction that the damage has been done. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oliver is so smart! Hee hee. He needs to go to red-string rehab though :)

    I am ready for a whole post of Oliver and Bella photos! :)

    ReplyDelete