match.com update #1: FAIL

never one to drag my feet when there's an opportunity to go out in flames, i've already received my first FAIL from match.com :-)

i emailed a guy whose profile seemed ok, and who was kind of nerdy cute, and he replied back with a short email and suggested we talk then meet. so! today we gchatted. it was good at first, the get-to-know-you sort of things... then he asked how recently i've been single.

so i told him i'd just gotten out of a 6-month-ish relationship, and he asked if i still talked to him. i answered yes, because i do. The Boy and i were friends before we ended up dating, so we're seeing if we can go back to friends without any adverse effects.

now.. i know how that sounds to guys. they don't really like the thought of their girl talking to any boys at all, much less an ex. but on the other hand: i've never once cheated. i've never even been tempted to cheat. if i tell you a guy is a platonic friend, you can believe me. and if you refuse to believe me, that's a problem.

match.com guy - we'll call him Mr. Suspicious - told me that he'd have a huge issue with me talking to an ex, period. i was a little surprised and asked him, a little facetiously, if he stopped having any interactions with all females in his life when he's dating someone. and he said yes, and sent me a link on "how to avoid emotional infidelity." when i told him i thought it was possible to avoid emotional infidelity by, say, NOT BEING EMOTIONALLY UNFAITHFUL as opposed to cutting out all members of the opposite sex from your life, he told me i was being naive. oh, and also defensive, because i wasn't "willing to understand" that it's impossible to be fully committed to your partner while still having friends of the opposite sex.

look, it's not like i think spending 3 nights a week watching romantic movies with a bottle of wine with your "platonic male friend" when you're dating someone else is ok. but i also think that meeting someone you've been friends with for years for lunch while you're dating someone else? not a sign of a guaranteed impending affair.

Mr. Suspicious got all hot and bothered that i wouldn't just admit that i was teetering on the brink of infidelity during every relationship i've ever had, and cancelled the date we'd made for thursday. ALAS.

i know that most likely, most guys - and a lot of the girls - who read this are going to agree with mr. suspicious: talking to exes is bad! and dangerous! that may be. for me, though? i DO commit myself fully to relationships, which means that engaging in inappropriate emotional infidelity with friends is not an option, because it literally does not occur to me. if i'm dating you, i'm dating YOU. and i want him to feel the same way - i don't want to have to ban him from talking to women to ensure his fidelity; he should want to be faithful to me because he WANTS to, not because he has removed all temptations from his life.

naive? perhaps. i mean, let's not forget that my ex actually DID leave me for his exgf who he'd been secretly talking to. but i don't care. i'd rather be with someone who can stay with me because they love me than someone who is only with me because none of their exes have called them that week.