hangover wednesday

i was hoping to provide you with a nice blog post today, but... i appear to be too hungover.

yes. yes. i realize it's wednesday. and that last night was a tuesday night. and that i'm nearly 28 and should not be hungover at noon on a wednesday. and yet.

ow.

it's fitting that stories of people's worst hangovers ever are making the rounds today, i suppose.

you know what, i may as well play along. ben, at no ordinary rollercoaster, is spearheading this particular effort. i can't remember if i've told this story on the blog before. if i have, it was probably a while ago, so you probably didn't read it. or.. whatever. i'm in no state to do research.

when i lived in france, i was friends with a bunch of brits. one thing i learned about brits that year: they drink A LOT. like, seriously a lot. WAY MORE than you think. we used to pregame at one of their flats before going out, usually with a bottle of wine per person. then we'd hit the bars and start downing liquor. it's a mystery how i gained 30 pounds that year, honestly.

anyway. this one particular night, i get a call from the girls, asking why i'm not there yet, because they've been drinking for the past 2 hours already. i tell them i'll be right over, and figure i should catch up... by drinking a bowl of whiskey & coke. no joke, it was one of those oversized "coffee mugs" that could fit basically an entire can of soup. i chugged one of those, heavy on the whiskey, instead of eating dinner. then i walked over to the flat, filled up a second mug/bowl of whiskey & coke, and joined in the drinking games.

this is about where i stop remembering the evening.

the next morning, i woke up in my building, but in the apartment of my guy friends who lived on the ground floor. this was not uncommon, since i was good friends with those guys, and my apartment was up about four flights of a spiral stone staircase... not always the most appealing route when i stumbled home drunk, so i sometimes crashed at their house, where there were fewer stairs. i just didn't remember, you know, GETTING there this particular evening.

my buddy who lived there shows up at about this time, and before i even ask about how i got home, i burst out laughing and point at his neck, which is COVERED in enormous, purple hickeys (hickies?) and demand to know how he got them.

buddy: uh huh. ha, ha. hi-LAR-ious.
me: um, YEAH IT IS. but seriously! what happened?
buddy: right. you're sooooooo funny.
me: huh? what?
buddy: oh sure, like you have nooooo idea.
me: .....
buddy: ok wait, you HONESTLY don't remember?
me: ...
me: ...
me: ...um. you're not seriously implying i had something to do with this.
buddy: haha, ok this IS kind of funny now. you really don't remember?

according to my friend, we'd been at the girls' flat playing "never have i ever" (which.. i don't even remember playing this game) and my buddy drank for someone saying "i have never received a hickey." i think. anyway, at this point i supposedly LUNGED ACROSS THE TABLE and latched onto his neck. and then all the other girls thought it was hilarious, and they all gave him a hickey as well. resulting in like 9 seriously huge purple welts all over his neck.

i refused to believe him for quite some time. i'd never blacked out before, and while i couldn't exactly remember getting home per se, i was still sure i hadn't done THAT. except, of course, there's a picture. an actual picture of me lunging across the table, clearly aiming for his neck. the next picture is of me passed out cold, slumped down in my chair.

did i mention this was right before halloween, so all us girls were dressed as "sexy vampires"? yeah.

i think i still have the passed out picture, actually. if i'm feeling particularly masochistic maybe i'll scan it tonight.

don't be a Jonze, kids.*

*sadly, i can't even open up this page to see wtf it is i'm linking to. darn work computer.