October 08, 2008

hangover wednesday

i was hoping to provide you with a nice blog post today, but... i appear to be too hungover.

yes. yes. i realize it's wednesday. and that last night was a tuesday night. and that i'm nearly 28 and should not be hungover at noon on a wednesday. and yet.


it's fitting that stories of people's worst hangovers ever are making the rounds today, i suppose.

you know what, i may as well play along. ben, at no ordinary rollercoaster, is spearheading this particular effort. i can't remember if i've told this story on the blog before. if i have, it was probably a while ago, so you probably didn't read it. or.. whatever. i'm in no state to do research.

when i lived in france, i was friends with a bunch of brits. one thing i learned about brits that year: they drink A LOT. like, seriously a lot. WAY MORE than you think. we used to pregame at one of their flats before going out, usually with a bottle of wine per person. then we'd hit the bars and start downing liquor. it's a mystery how i gained 30 pounds that year, honestly.

anyway. this one particular night, i get a call from the girls, asking why i'm not there yet, because they've been drinking for the past 2 hours already. i tell them i'll be right over, and figure i should catch up... by drinking a bowl of whiskey & coke. no joke, it was one of those oversized "coffee mugs" that could fit basically an entire can of soup. i chugged one of those, heavy on the whiskey, instead of eating dinner. then i walked over to the flat, filled up a second mug/bowl of whiskey & coke, and joined in the drinking games.

this is about where i stop remembering the evening.

the next morning, i woke up in my building, but in the apartment of my guy friends who lived on the ground floor. this was not uncommon, since i was good friends with those guys, and my apartment was up about four flights of a spiral stone staircase... not always the most appealing route when i stumbled home drunk, so i sometimes crashed at their house, where there were fewer stairs. i just didn't remember, you know, GETTING there this particular evening.

my buddy who lived there shows up at about this time, and before i even ask about how i got home, i burst out laughing and point at his neck, which is COVERED in enormous, purple hickeys (hickies?) and demand to know how he got them.

buddy: uh huh. ha, ha. hi-LAR-ious.
me: um, YEAH IT IS. but seriously! what happened?
buddy: right. you're sooooooo funny.
me: huh? what?
buddy: oh sure, like you have nooooo idea.
me: .....
buddy: ok wait, you HONESTLY don't remember?
me: ...
me: ...
me: ...um. you're not seriously implying i had something to do with this.
buddy: haha, ok this IS kind of funny now. you really don't remember?

according to my friend, we'd been at the girls' flat playing "never have i ever" (which.. i don't even remember playing this game) and my buddy drank for someone saying "i have never received a hickey." i think. anyway, at this point i supposedly LUNGED ACROSS THE TABLE and latched onto his neck. and then all the other girls thought it was hilarious, and they all gave him a hickey as well. resulting in like 9 seriously huge purple welts all over his neck.

i refused to believe him for quite some time. i'd never blacked out before, and while i couldn't exactly remember getting home per se, i was still sure i hadn't done THAT. except, of course, there's a picture. an actual picture of me lunging across the table, clearly aiming for his neck. the next picture is of me passed out cold, slumped down in my chair.

did i mention this was right before halloween, so all us girls were dressed as "sexy vampires"? yeah.

i think i still have the passed out picture, actually. if i'm feeling particularly masochistic maybe i'll scan it tonight.

don't be a Jonze, kids.*

*sadly, i can't even open up this page to see wtf it is i'm linking to. darn work computer.


  1. I am SO glad you got on board :)

    Thanks for sharing haha I feel your pain.

  2. I had every intention of being too drunk to stand last night, but alas t'was not to be.

    Is it possible to have hangover envy?

  3. Bwahahahaha! I love it!
    Oooohhh you have to scan the photo! Come on - I posted mine!!!

  4. haha! So fitting you were dressed as vampires. heh

  5. HAHAHAHA!!!! Post the picture! Post the picture! Good story! I'm still racking my brain for one.

  6. Compared to this, I've never even HAD a hangover. WOW.

  7. Oh. My. That is one of the best drunk amnesia stories I've heard.

    Also, there is nothing wrong with being 28 and hungover at noon on a Wednesday. I say this as a 34 year old who has been hungover at noon on a Wednesday before. Not the norm, of course, but it happens.

  8. Wow I thought that story was going to end much worse than you just giving him a hickey!!

  9. hahaha drunken hickeys...


  10. hahahaha.

    sucky sucky for a bucky!

  11. Yes have to admit that I was afraid something bad would have happened to you. Something like, "And when I woke up I wasn't wearing any panties and I don't remember how that happened."

  12. Yeah, I have never been drunk. I can't believe I am writing this in a public space.

  13. My worst drunk experience involved dry heaving so hard and so much that I broke all the blood vessels in my eyes. That's no exaggeration. It was a bad scene. There was much beer and a bottle of Fire and Ice involved. And male strippers, of course. That hangover lasted about 3 days.

  14. How brilliant is that? Amnesia hickeys! That should be a band name!

    I already told my worst drunk story. Seriously.

    The only other one is where I had ONE SHOT of a surfer on acid (it has jaeger in it) and ended up puking in a cup. Didn't spill a drop! I was also apparently speaking solely in jibberish. I am allergic to jaeger.

  15. That is one funny story, thanks to the hickeys. *snort*
    My own story? The night I did what you did, starting out to get wasted and catch up with everyone...I had a rough week at work, joined in a party on my way back to the dorm, slammed TWO large 151-n-cokes, then scarfed a plate of dorm mess-hall spaghetti (a bad idea ANY night), then consumed a mish-mash of drinks for the next few hours. I nearly begged someone sober to take me to get my stomach pumped. I puked all night, had a 3-day hangover that couldn't be controlled by aspirin, and never again drank to get drunk.
    Now, I always stop at a pleasant buzz.

  16. Blackout hickies for the win! At least you weren't the one to wake up to find nine purple hickeys on your neck! Hahaha, awesome story!