July 24, 2008

more cat stories! up next: i sign up for AARP benefits

so last week when i got home from chicago, i was sort of..... exhausted, i guess would be the word for it. so i took care of a few errands, unpacked, and then settled down on my couch for some dozing until muffin came over for dinner.

partway through my doze, i thought i heard my roommate coming in the front door, so i partially woke up - but when no one actually walked into the room, i dozed right back off again.

fast forward a bit, to when i have bella walking insistantly all over my face while i was trying to nap. it suddenly occurred to me that she was paying ME a lot of attention, especially because when i'm unresponsive, she usually goes and bothers oliver instead, since he'll attack back.

i sat up suddenly, looking around my living room for oliver. who was not there. and the front door was cracked open, the tongue of the lock resting on the door frame. fuck.

i didn't even bother looking around my house first, just stumbled out into the hallway, half asleep, to look for the stupid cat. he loves trying to run out into the hall when anyone opens the front door - but then just stands outside my door, looking a little overwhelmed, as if he had not made any plans for what he'd do once he actually MADE it into the hall. so i usually just go scoop him up and dump him back in my house.

this time, he was definitely not in the hall. i hurried down to the main lobby.. where he also was not. i was starting to panic a bit now, because oliver doesn't have a collar at the moment. i mean, he HAS one, i bought one for him, but cats are supposed to get those break-away collars that will snap off if they catch themselves on something, so they don't strangle themselves. except oliver figured out a way to twist his head around enough to grab the collar with his jaws, and rips it off within an hour of me putting it on him every time.

so now he was probably outside, without a collar, who knows where. FUCK. as i ran (still half-asleep, with awesome bedhead) out the front door, i noticed muffin getting out of his car where he had just parked in front of my house... but he was looking at a side exit area of the building, not the front door. and lo, sitting serenely on the side stoop, paws crossed regally in front of him, was a cat. my cat.

i ran over to oliver - while he calmly got up, streched, and meowed bored-ly - and scooped him up with no struggle from the usually very squirmy cat, and marched him inside. he meowed again placidly and went to find bella.

turns out my front door lock is a little loose right now, so even when the door is completely shut, you sometimes have to push it a little harder to make the tongue fully depress into the socket. so moron cat here sat inside my door, apparently PULLED IT OPEN with his paw (see previous example of this behavior for anyone skeptical) and then trotted outside. and once outside, did not actually GO anywhere, but sat happily in the sun until i came to retrieve him. muffin: "it's like he's the smartest AND the stupidest cat i've ever met."


  1. Ha ha - "the smartest and stupidest cat" - awesome.

    Glad you found him right away. And yeah, I think cats plot and plot how to get outside and when they finally DO, they have no idea what to do then.

  2. It's kind of like how for 86 years, Red Sox fans focused only on winning the World Series. And then we did. And then we were all like, Now what?

  3. Ha - my bedroom door is like that. Whenever Stella wants into my bedroom she throws herself against the door. If it's not latched properly, the door opens and she is victorious. If it is latched properly, she bounces off the door and I laugh my ass off. Pets are such a source of entertainment (and stress!)

  4. Uhm. I love your cat.

  5. my cats could open doors that way too, so I totally believe you when you described what happened. I'm glad he's back safe and sound.

    stupid freakin' cats.

    and oh! ADORE the title of this post, by the by. HIGH-larious!

  6. Wow. Dang. That's one smart cat. I guess he wanted to lay out in the sun a little? I can't blame him. I would like to do the same.

  7. LOL! Great story. And I love Jess' comparison. Yeah - now what?

  8. Ha! This story really did make me laugh out loud. What a welcome back.

  9. What a sneaky cat! So cute, so so so cute :)

  10. That is so something our cat would do!


  11. I agree with Muffin, he has a lot of brain but very little inclination to use it perhaps?

  12. Yay! You found him! :)

    I think it is so funny how they get outside and don't know what to do. Ha ha.