well! we've certainly had an interesting weekend around these parts!
saturday morning, after a night of no sleep, i finally decided i need to see the letter. karl told me that this whole debacle stemmed from a letter he got from his ex, that just "changed everything" and made him very "confused" about his feelings, blah blah blah. so i broke down and looked in his email for it.
MY OH MY did i find more than i was expecting. like cheery emails between him and the ex dating back to january. the news that she moved down here a few weeks ago. that karl was helping get her a job at his office. that he was communicating with her, talking to her, meeting up with her in person. i didn't actually find the letter, because it turns out she'd given it to him IN PERSON when they met for lunch one day. funny how he failed to mention any of this when he was "nothing but honest" with me, eh? oh! and i nearly forgot. he told me he was going to boston this weekend to stay with friends, but ha ha, i guess what he MEANT to say was he was taking a little weekend getaway with the ex to atlantic city. i can see how those two can be easily confused.
i've decided to stay in the apartment, because i really do love it, and the thought of moving again makes me want to puke. karl told me last week he would get out. so, i talked to our landlord, explained that karl had left me for an ex, apologized profusely for having something like this happen, and said that ideally i'd like to stay and get a new roommate, but obviously the decision was entirely in his hands since i knew that any option would technically be breaking the lease. and i let him know that this came as a complete surprise to me, that i would never, ever have signed a lease if i thought there was a chance we would not legally follow through. he wrote back immediately and said we could amend to lease to take karl off and allow me to have a roommate.
so, next i called karl (who didn't deign to pick up) and left him a message saying the lease would be in my name as of April 1; he didn't have to worry about April rent. (this had been a point of contention before - there's no way i could find a new place / get a roommate / work out alternatives for april within the next week. it's quarter end at work, which means potential for 15 hour work days from here until the end of the month. so i told him i was not going to be responsible for all of april rent, when this was his doing. he said he was not going to pay for a place he wasn't living in. so, i thought he'd be pleased to know i no longer wanted him to pay.) he wrote me an email in response saying he'd be coming by monday night - tonight - to pick up some stuff and spend the night. i told him i could see why he needed to come by, but not why he needed or wanted to spend the night, and perhaps he should go stay with the ex, who is now the current, after all.
boy oh boy did things escalate from there. so far i've been threatened with "legal action" for a) taking his name off the lease without his consent; b) daring to suggest he shouldn't be there until the end of march, because he paid for this month, by gum!; c) "violating his personal correspondance" by looking at his email. he might even have a point on that last one... if he hadn't personally given me his email password. oopsie.
my parents want me to change the locks on the door. they feel that if he could change this much without any of us suspecting he was capable of it, then who knows what else he's capable of? i'm tempted, except that he's clearly intent on making this as venomous and difficult as possible - threatening to sue me when i request he not stay with me anymore? after leaving me for another woman...? i almost hope he does take me to court on that one, it would be fairly hilarious - and i'd rather just get this over with at this point. i just have to get through one more week that he's allowed access to me and my life, then he can go live a happy life of deceit and repeated breakups with his ex/current girlfriend.
oh, and if you haven't checked out my wife's blog recently? that may be another reason he's so angry :-)
This might be the first time someone ever tried to sue someone for not letting them spend the night after breaking up with them.
ReplyDeleteHe's really something. I hate to say it, but I don't think you're missing much by not being with him anymore. She can have him.
God, what a jerk.
ReplyDeleteAt least he's making it *really abundantly clear* that he is a total jerkface and you dodged a bullet. Still sucks, but maybe there's less "aw, he's such a great guy, I wish I were still with him" kind of nostalgic breakup feelings when he's, you know, threatening to sue you.
This is fucking unbelievable. What a royal prick. I totally agree with pseudostoops that at least this horrible, nasty behavior will help you to get over him. Although it's also incredibly, horribly, painfully sad.
ReplyDeleteAfter he comes by tonight for his stuff, change the locks. And lock the door to your bedroom if he spends the night. With anything you care about inside there with you. Not that I think he'd do anything terrible, but given that I never ever in a million years would have thought he'd be capable of doing what he's done so far... I'm on your parents' side on this one.
De-lurking to say that I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! It is so heart-breaking when someone you love shows their "true colors" and they are not at all what you thought. I'd have all his stuff in a box by the door for him when he shows up tonight. Keep your chin up - I'm sending good thoughts your way! ~LA
ReplyDeleteWow. What a complete turnaround. I love how he's angry with you for HIM leaving.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you this: I left my first husband, and I felt so bad about it that I went OUT OF MY WAY to make things as easy as possible for him. I moved out of the house, but continued to split the mortgage until it was sold (about 14 months); I continued to pay half the bills even though I wasn't living there because I knew he couldn't afford it, and I even continued to pay for half of his car payment until the house was sold and he found his own place. That meant I had to stay with relatives and a friend in the meantime, but I would've felt awful leaving him with all the bills.
There was times he was angry, understandably so, obviously, but I never got mad at him for being mad at me. The fact that Karl's doing that just goes to show his true character.
As far as him suing you? What the hell. He left you; the landlord agreed to take him off the lease. I'd probably pay him back the week left of March and tell him, "You have 2 hours to get your shit. And you're not staying overnight, for God's sake."
If possible, maybe have a friend or relative stay over if he argues that he's staying over. I don't trust him anymore.
Wow. I'm sorry this is getting so messy :( It's ridiculous that he's threatening legal action. He's the one who effed up. Why would he even want to stay in the apartment with you? That's just stupid. I wish you much strength during this whole ordeal. I hope he moves out and leaves you alone to heal and move on. You deserve so much better (even though I don't know you).
ReplyDelete{{{{Hugs}}}} I am so sorry to hear about all these issues!! I am shocked that he would be acting this way knowing that he is the one to blame for everything. It is very immature and you are so far above this. Good luck, and know that we are all thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteOh Alice. What a terrible predicament you clearly do not deserve. I say, invite the wife over tonight and beat the crap out of him when he arrives. Or, at a minimum, kick him in the ass as he leaves. Because, dammit, he will leave. And if not? The two of you should verbally torment him until he can't stand it anymore. Because guys like him? They're cowards and eventually he'll give in.
ReplyDeleteHi, just came across your blog from another... I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. It's amazing isn't it? How quickly people change in a break up situation. I highly doubt he can get away with anything in court. And I doubt it would be worth the expense to him either... best of luck!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all COPIES COPIES COPIES! I understand that it's painful to read the emails again, but make copies of everything. Expand the email headers so the full paths are shown, and copy them to a disk and/or print them all out. ALL emails between him and the Ex. And of course keep copies of anything you have in writing that he's said to you about leaving. If he does try to go through with any legal action you'll need that. As for suing you re: his personal files, if he gave you his password that's probably not a valid issue. All the more reason to get those copied ASAP (even if you can do it from work) before he changes that password. Take off from work early if you can only do it at home and get that done before he comes over. It's *that* important if he decides to try to make trouble for you later.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I agree with what everyone else has said above. I like the suggestion of paying him back for the rest of this month's rent. If possible have him sign something that says he's accepting that payment and that he's is officially moved out as of "whatever date." Then change the locks after that date. It's really easy and inexpensive to do. You just need to change the cylinder (the little circle part the key goes into) not the whole contraption. -The hardware store can explain if that makes no sense to you.
Have the wife with you if it helps but don't beat him up. That won't help. Maybe do that after he's gone or if he ever comes back!
Too bad you and the wife can't live together. How fun would that be? :)
Wow, he's got some serious balls to not only be mad at you for him leaving you but to expect to stay the night when he comes over to pick up his stuff. And he's been cheating on you for months! Apparently, he was never worth your time. Hold your head up, Alice, you'll find a guy worthy of you. Be glad you're away from this dirtbag.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I've just seen these posts.. What an ass! I can't believe he did that.. and then got all angry that you wanted him out of the apartment.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. i can't believe the level he has taken this to! He's the one who decided to break up with you and leave you in the lurch and he thinks he gets to stay a night in the apartment. What a smug little...grrrr!
ReplyDeleteDude, change the locks.
ReplyDeleteAlso, hurl a TV at him if he attempts to try continuing to stay in the apartment until April.
Dear Alice,
ReplyDeleteMy heart dropped when I read your post. It is horrible what this man has done.
I had something like this happen (moved in with a girl) and she left me for her ex. We had just moved into an apartment and she promised to pay half the rent till the lease was done. She never paid and I had to go to small claims court to get money from her. I finally contacted her parents and they coughed up the money. They were incredibly gracious and disgusted by what their daughter had done to me).
My advice is to keep him on the lease and make him pay 1/2 months rent till you find a room mate. If he isn't man enough to pay, then go ask his parents for the money.
No reason why you should be responsible for this dead beat's half.
Funny ending to the story with my ex. She ended up living with a couple of guys, came back to me 3 years later and asked me to take her back. I told her "hell no". She ended up marrying a poor marine who got sent to Iraq. She had a baby two years ago and freaked out and left her hubby and the baby.
Bottom line is that I am better off without her (she would have ruined my life). I am now on my second blissful marriage and so lucky to have my sweet angel wife.
Alice - be strong. This is better that it happened now.
-Sam Haines
Your strength and dignity during this difficult time in inspiring. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe all this happened so fast. One second Karl is there, the next second he is gone. He pulled a real Houdini on you....
ReplyDeleteOh man. I'm fairly new to your blog, so forgive me if I type out of turn, but Karl? Is an assjerk, from where I am sitting.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending vibes and good thoughts your way, Alice.
Cxx
Girlfriend,
ReplyDeleteYou should have seen this coming back in January. That dumb ass man of yours was a cheater a friggin CHEATER (all in caps).
A vasectomy is too soft for him. I think that castration and a colombian necktie would be more appropriate.
girls need to stand strong and be strong.
I am also sending good vibes girl.
Sheena
Change the locks. Seriously. Provide your landlord with the new keys of course but as you have already made an arrangement with the landlord you are in your rights to not have him stay the night (AS IF! WTF?).
ReplyDeleteHis douchebaggy colors are coming out.
this is searing heartache, certainly. as you know, love doesn't always clean up the messes it makes - but that probably goes for him and his ex/current/whatever.
ReplyDeleteall i'm saying, and surely the team will throttle me for it, is i'm sure this is not a decision one comes to lightly. if he had any doubts about loving you, he would not have decided to move in with you to begin with. and lunches with exes do not definitely signify cheating - they signify, in many cases, friendship and open questions. dangerous, sure. but evil? malicious? doubtful.
from a woman who's been on many sinking love boats, in my experience the initial desire to bash only feels good to a point. it's when you start realizing that the person really was who you thought they were, but they chose someone (or something) over you, that hurts the most. but you won't get over that feeling until you can be honest about it.
if he was really a piece of shit, how could you have been so in love with him? (do you really think he would break into your house? seriously. think outside your emotions on this one.)
all said, take care, and feel better. failure is par with love. good luck.
dear anonymous,
ReplyDeletei would have written you back personally, had you included an email address.
my point is that if he were able to toss away the "love" he had for me in favor of what he's clearly felt for his ex this whole time - i read his emails, remember? i saw what he wrote to her, about how she is "all he ever wanted" and "he always knew they were meant to end up together" - then he should never have considered moving in with me in the first place.
you also have not seen the cruel emails he sent chastizing me for being angry and hurt in this situation, nor the legal threats, or the vague personal threats he sent to my wife.
so yes.. i do think poorly of him. i now know his love was worthless, given its fragility. and yeah, i did fall in love with him, but he's showed me very clearly in the past few days and weeks why that was a silly, silly thing to have done.
you might do well to be honest about your friend as well, and wonder what kind of a guy moves in with a woman he professes to love, when all he needed was the "please take me back" from his ex to ditch all the promises he had just made.
Dear Anon.,
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else find it hilarious that Karl had to mass-email his friends the link to Alice's blog? And that even THEN, the best they can come up with is "lying and sneaking around with and your exgirlfriend is kind of sort of not really OK IT TOTALLY IS CHEATING"?
Vanessa, pumpkin, hope Boston is treating you charmingly. When you're ready to deal with honesty, I'll explain to you why your friend is a horrible excuse of a human being.
Love,
Jacquelyn.
This is just awful. Alice, things will get better! Trust me.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great group of friends and they will help you through the ordeal.
I saw pics of your ex-Beau, and he is one goofy looking fellow. You are too pretty and too smart to let a man like that bring you down.
My heart goes to you during these hard times.
Deena R.
Agh!!!!! You're kidding me! He's a jackass. What is wrong with this guy? Why can't he just fall of the face of the earth?
ReplyDeleteWow, this guy is some piece of work. Never fear, what goes around does indeed come around. Perhaps his ex/current will take a trip to Boston with "some of her friends" and bring him some nice herpes as a souvenir.
ReplyDeleteGet over yourselves. Shit happens. People break up. Your ability to deal with the lemons you've been dealt is quite pathetic and honestly, it makes you look bad, not Karl.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I'd have to disagree with every single point you just made. (Except maybe "Shit happens. People break up." -That's true.)
ReplyDeleteHa. Her ability to deal? As in, the fact that she graciously moved out for a week to allow Karl time to pack up his shit and move it into the Karl/Becky Den of Love And Deceit?
ReplyDeleteThe fact that she allowed Karl to break up with her OVER EMAIL instead of meeting her face to face to end an almost-year-long relationship? Because KARL was uncomfortable with the face-to-face confrontation?
The fact that she looked the other way when he started sending her crazy, creepy rants with bizarre threats of legal action?
Alice is dealing with PERFECTLY. As an adult. Who takes responsibility for her actions. Who is honest to the important people in her life. Who is careful to consider other peoples' feelings as a consequence of her actions.
I can't say any of that about Karl.
You said it, Wife. Besides the fact that we already know what a whiny ass "I'm the victim" game Karl is playing with Alice, it's even funnier that he's sending his friends to her blog to stick up for him - anonymously, which is even better - and they're actually doing it. First of all, this is Alice's place to say what she feels among friends, so whatever she's feeling and wants to express is her business. And second, I would love to see how maturely anonymous would handle herself in the same situation.
ReplyDeletePlus, no matter how angry Alice is, Karl isn't ever going to come out of this looking like anything more than a complete ass.
*thought process*
ReplyDeleteI know! I'll leave an ANONYMOUS comment, and that way no one will know that I'm one of Karl's buddies, attempting to make his actions seem like those of a normal, feeling human being! I'm so smart!
I can't hold it in any more.... enough is enough.
ReplyDeleteWah, wah, wah
People break up and that is the way the cookie crumbles. Do you think that Spitzer's wife saw this coming? No... and I bet you she is a mess. She was married and has kids with the guy.
Alice- you are a dumb ass for moving in with a guy like Karl. Guess you should pick a more reliable boyfriend next time - bad choice and you failed.
Karl was a ass for leaving you for his ex. He should have though carefully about moving in with you, so he also fails.
Jacquie - you are the best. I love you!
RE: anonymous comments: when you see the way karl's name (first/last) has been libeled on these blogs, why would i give you mine? doesn't mean i'm devoid of insight. names/reputations matter, and some of you are pretty careless with that concept.
ReplyDeletealso, seems there are a few anonymouses - and i don't know who the fuck vanessa is - and karl hasn't mass e-mailed anything...
just clearing things up.
HAAA. right, i'm sure you've all been reading my blog quietly since way before this happened. silly me. that must be it!
ReplyDeleteWOW.
ReplyDeleteJust came over here to give you some blog love 'cause Nilsa told me too ;)
Hang in there!
Gah these comments are ridiculous. My advice is ignore the trolls. Even when you could say something that would easily rip their "arguement" to shred, if you respond, they'll just flame up. Ignore those comments. Leave them up or else the annonymous people will spam you, but stop replying and they'll stop being assholes. Don't mention them in future posts, nothing. They'll leave.
ReplyDelete