March 21, 2008

life goes on

i'm not really sure where to go with this post. i don't want this blog to turn into a maudlin cryfest, that's not fun for anyone. but man, these past few days have been rough, and they're not looking up much yet.

karl informed that he read my post yesterday, and is hurt by the "raw hatred" i now have for him. and that i shouldn't worry, he won't be coming back to read any more. if he doesn't understand that turning to anger is one of the only coping mechanisms i have right now so that i don't cry all day, every day? whatever. i know he thinks he's doing "the right thing" by breaking up with me, so it's not like i'm going to change his opinion there. but still, a small part of me is upset that after all the injustice that already went on, he gets to feel hurt by my anger.

one of the things i hate the most right now is how much of a cliche i am. i mean, omg, guys, did you know that love hurts? like, it totally does! is that a fucking revelation or what!? i've NEVER been that girl who sits around and thinks moodily about her ex. my basic stance is that if he doesn't want me, then i know enough to know he's not worth it. the last time a boyfriend broke up with me, i cried, then shook it off. if he didn't love me enough? well shit, i don't want to be with someone who only half-asses it. i deserve better.

but this time, jesus. i didn't know i could be like this. i'm not eating. how fucking cliche and teen-drama is that?? also, do you know the last time i didn't want to eat? it typically takes food poisoning to keep me from cramming food into my maw. and music. i'm being affected by shitty lyrics from top-40 songs. that is EMBARRASSING, people. john mayer should not be able to make me cry.

i'm excited for the scavenger hunt, though. we've started knocking off a few items here and there (i have a picture of my manager flipping me off, for example!) and we're meeting tonight for dinner (we need a picture of the whole team eating sushi with chopsticks) and to barrel through as many of the other items as we can in one night. one of the big ticket items is to create cardboard armor and take a video of two team members fighting to the death, and i am DEVASTATED that we might not have time to get that one in. those kinds are my favorite ones to do. we also need a photo of someone over 80 holding up their ID. i don't suppose i have any hip older readers who can help me out with that? :-)


  1. Hey, cliches become cliches for a reason. Because love really does hurt and you're completely normal for feeling like some poor lost soul on "Dawson's Creek!" We've all been there.

    And I've also been there with a guy who can completely rip your heart out and then have the absolute balls to turn around and say that ANY response you have to said heart-ripping, whether it be an obscenity-laced attack or a crying jag, is "hurtful" or "mean" or "childish." Feel however you want to feel and say whatever you want to say. And fuck him if he can't take it.

  2. I think I'd feel the same way about being pissed that he was hurt by your blog. He deserves so much more than hurt. UGH.

    On a happy note, your scavenger hunt sounds like SO MUCH FUN. I would love to get involved in something like that! That trophy is YOURS, girl!

  3. Boofuckinghoo to the lame ass who has the gall to be hurt by you showing completely valid emotions in a forum among friends. I dated a guy like that once. He was 22 - what's Karl's excuse?

    In other news, keep on having your totally cliched feelings. However, if you start listening to 80s pop sensations Wilson Phillips, then I might get worried.

    Hugs, buddy!

  4. what a dope he was to read your blog in the first place ... what was he expecting to find here? Oh, Karl left me but it's OK because he blew sunshine up my ass before he left?

    The scavenger hunt sounds like a great idea to get your mind off things! And not to make you crazy or anything but ... where are you going to live now?

  5. also ... forgot to tell you, but I LOVE the new site redesign!

  6. I went back to read yesterday's post, because I didn't remember any hatred. I still don't see any. I see hurt and grief, and I see wounded.

    I guess I don't care if any of it hurts Karl's feelings. From what you told us about him, he really is a great guy. But his behavior in this situation SUCKED, and I don't think anyone is in the mood to comfort him right now. He chose to end this relationship; what is it he wants to complain about?

  7. I love the new look. Now that I have said that, I will add--of course you are angry! That is a completely natural emotion to feel. i don't know karl but this plus breaking up with you after moving in together makes him seem kind of selfish.

    I'm glad you have a distraction like the hunt. And you let this blog be whatever you need it to be.

  8. I picked the worst time to get behind on blog reading. . . so sorry :(

    I read your previous post and then read this, and I'm just so pissed off at your situation and so incredulous at Karl's reaction to your post that I find it hard to articulate anything besides four letter words--and I'm not normally a cusser. He's just wrong on so many levels, I don't know where to begin! How can he seriously think he has the right to feel hurt by your anger? Just what does he think an appropriate response would be to finding out a week after you move in with your S.O. that your S.O. never got over his ex from college??? If the tables were turned, I really don't fucking think he'd be all rainbows and sunshine about it.

    You have every right to be angry, and not just as a coping mechanism. Waiting until a week after you'd moved in together to spring this shit on you was so WRONG, so shitty of him! So if his stupid little feelings are hurt right now because of your very appropriate reaction to his shitty actions, he can go fuck himself.

    Please don't be so hard on yourself about how you're feeling right now. You wouldn't be human if you weren't depressed about what was clearly more than just a casual relationship. And the fact that you're participating in the scavenger hunt and making an effort to get back in the swing of things totally disqualifies you from the "teen drama" category.


  9. Who cares if your issue is a cliche? Most of us on this planet live cliche lives. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

    Just remember to eat, okay?

  10. You're definitely allowed to be angry. Don't keep it in - let it out in whatever legal way you know how. But, I'm also glad you're not letting this person's bad choices stop you from living the rest of your life. You deserve to still have fun. Keep at it and life will work out in your favor, girl.

  11. Shit sweetie. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and Karl. And you really do deserve someone who will give you their whole heart.

  12. That's what love does. It wrecks you when it's taken away by no choice of your own. Though this will be no consolation whatsoever, I do believe things happen for a reason, and this is just paving the way for something better someday (yeah, I know, I should just shut up).

    And he's hurt by your bad feelings about this toward him? Gee, that's rough. Get over it, guy.

  13. Oh, if ONLY I had read this before Easter. We went to my in-laws and my father-in-law is 81? 82? Well, something like that. Definitely over 80, 'cause I remember his 80th birthday. I could've gotten a picture for you.

  14. dearest alice!

    phooey on boys! i am sorry to hear about karl--what a jerk! i hope that things work out soon and that you find a fabulous, wonderful roomate soon. if you ever need a chat, i'm frequently online....

    big hug!