March 20, 2006

breaking news! bedpan update

i'll get this out of the way first, since you crazy kids are inordinately interested in (gruesomely obsessed with? mockingly stuck on?) it: NO, thank all that is holy, no bedpan was required during any stage of surgery or recovery thereof [therefrom?]. i was released from the surgery place on crutches, rather iffy on the coherence and nicely drugged, yes, but have been able to one-foot it since the very beginning.

however, worry not, there was certainly no shortage of ways i was able to /was forced to humiliate myself. as i had an enormous bandage contraption doohickey on my foot for the first week, i was clearly unable to shower in the traditional sense. i mean, aside from the fact that i couldn't stand without crutches. or that standing for longer than 45 seconds made the room spin and i had to hurl myself face down onto the nearest couch/bed/floor to avoid passing out where i stood. [uh, yay vicodin?] but even if i HAD been able to stand up, i couldn't get the bandages all wet. so instead, i sat down in the bathtub with my feet hanging out, and showered the rest of me with our handy detachable shower head. then, matt had to help me out of that wonderfully compromising position, since i couldn't really get up from there with just one foot. this is after he spent the entirety of the time sitting in the bathroom giggling over how i needed supervised showers.

of course, that was nothing compared to the indignity of the meds i had to take to combat the nausea brought on by the vicodin. let's just say that there's exactly ONE place to absorb medicine if your stomach isn't allowing you to keep anything down.

i have a very good boyfriend.

HOWEVER! moving on!! this will be the absolute last discussion of bedpans / peeing, because these are the NEW search phrases leading to my blog:

-women going pee
-pee
-funny toilet seats
-women love to pee

..and it's starting to alarm me that all pee-related searches now lead here. (i did appreciate one other search that led to me, though: "nosireebob definition." hee.)

i leave you with this photo i took recently in dc, because i thought it was funny. :-)


9 comments:

  1. Wow, sounds like our surgery has been...um...fun. You're lucky to have someone take care of you like that. He gets brownie points.

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  2. Yes, seriously lucky you have some there to take care of you. I'm very curious about the person typing "women love to pee" into google. Was it a man? Was it a woman who loves to pee and thinks it might be weird? Was it someone looking for pictures of women loving to pee? It raises too many questions.

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  3. Wow. He really is a good boyfriend. Although I would be there with the laughing as wel, as I am not very sympathetic without laughing. Can't help it.

    I'm glad you're feeling better though. I missed you!

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  4. You're boyfriend sounds really great...I'm so jealous.

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  5. girl, I"m starting to sound redundant. we need photographic evidence of your invalidism. is that a word? sure it is...

    glad to hear you are better!!!

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  6. Yep, definately keeping my bunions.

    *shudders*

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  7. First, Matt rocks (but we already knew that).

    Second, do you suppose that the quiet please portion of the notice is because they don't want to be awakened from their naps?

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  8. At the risk of being very boring and redundant here, Matt is wonderful. It's nice to have someone there for you at times like this!! Especially someone who you can be comfortably naked around... makes the whole showering thing (although still embarrassing) a little easier, right?

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  9. Well, that's certainly a new level of intimacy... I think I'm back... just a little rusty. Be gentle with me.

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