road rage

i used to get teased a lot for being all naive and rosy-cheeked and pollyana-ish. i came to college, wide-eyed and chipper, with very little worldly experience - i'd never imbibed alcohol (it was ILLEGAL!! gasp!) and I'd only kissed my very first boy that summer. (i was a bit of a late bloomer. to put it kindly.) 4 years, a lot of kissing, and a whole lot of alcohol later, i arrived in dc.... still fresh-faced and cheerful, and eager to start a new job in a new city with new friends.

now? i am jaded. and cynical. and no longer naive.* possibly even ornery. and i blame it all on dc-area traffic.

when i was at william and mary, where approximately 130% of the student body hails from northern virginia, my friends used to explain how this area has straight up too many people, too many roads, too many strip malls, and above all, too many cars. i laughed at them. I was from NEW JERSEY. PLEASE. i think i know a little something about CROWDED STATES, yes? with too many people? and bad drivers? i cut my driving teeth on the garden state parkway... don't tell ME it's a pain to drive in virginia. amateurs.

boy, was i wrong.

whereas i used to like people, and assume everyone was a decent and trustworthy individual until proven otherwise, and see the good in people instead of the bad... i now detest everyone who owns, rents, or borrows a car in the dc metro region. all of them should be drawn and quartered, while i look on appraisingly. or at the very least, have their cars impounded. and licenses revoked. i have actual hatred for other people on the road. while not yet at the level where i experience or condone true road rage, i actually understand it. i've even cut down on the frequency with which i give people the finger while driving, because i assume there are people angrier than me who may very well shoot me if i express anger at them cutting me off while doing 95 on the beltway.

that was the first sign, really. the finger. i had never once given someone the finger while driving in nj, yet all of a sudden, down here, i felt the need to. drivers here are just evil. so i started venting my frustration at nearly being involved in fatal car crashes caused by their need to be one car further up a busy highway by flipping them the bird. then, it got to the point where i wouldn't really feel better unless i KNEW the other person actually SAW me give them the finger, so i'd try to actually catch their eye in the rearview mirror before slowly and deliberately letting them know what i think. or actually pull up next to them, and give them the bird while passing by.

now, i'm kind of hesitant to do it, because i don't want to get shot.

i also honk. and curse in my car. and lawdy help you if you "miss your exit" and try to sneak into the front of a line of 40 cars that have been (im)patiently merging because i WILL NOT let you in. no way in hell.

i realized that this was, perhaps, not the nicest or most normal way of behaving behind the wheel when i was driving home from a family visit in NJ this past weekend. i stopped in a small town in southern nj to grab some snacks for the ride, and ended up leaving the parking lot of the store, intending to make a right turn on a road that had a traffic light a few hundred feet up. the cars were backed up at the red light, with the last car pulling up right in front of my car right before i got there. i didn't think anything of it.. when the light turned green, the cars would all pull up, and i'd turn. no big deal. except the car that had just arrived, the one perpendicular to my car as i sat waiting to make the turn onto the road? it saw me waiting to get out of the parking lot, and backed up.

i sat there, confused. i literally didn't realize what he did that for until he motioned for me to pull out in front of him so i wasn't trapped in the parking lot.

my complete confusion at - and sincere inability to recognize - a nice, generous gesture by another driver made me sort of sad. and made me realize what an ornery old hag i am behind the wheel. i got all warm and fuzzy, and thoughts of turning over new leaves and performing random acts of kindness danced in my head.

then i got back to dc. and had to drive to work on monday morning. tell you what, people... you are STILL not getting in front of me. merge when you're supposed to, jackass. and don't cut me off. i have to get to work, same as you. i still hate you. i hope your car gets impounded.


*there are some who would still dispute the categorical nature of this statement. i'm a lot LESS naive, though! i think we can all agree there?