September 06, 2005

things you maybe shouldn't bring up at your boyfriend's parents' dinner table:

that time in statistics class in highschool where the teacher mentioned that a lot more babies are born in certain months, like 9 months after a holiday or a bad snowstorm and stuff, and you realized with some certainty and no small amount of dread and disgust that your parents conceived you on new year's eve.

in my defense, this followed a recounting of how my boyfriend's sister had inadvertantly called their mom slutty. i'm still not sure that validates the fact that i told them, out loud, that i'd figured out when my parents were having celebratory sex. EW EW EW EW remind me never to write that phrase again, ok??

15 comments:

  1. I didn't figure out until I was in my mid-20's that my mom wasn't having nightmares and moaning. I miss my naivety.

    ~Jef

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  2. Ugh! I don't even want to think of it!!!! At least it's not as bad as walking in on them! That is still burned into my mind.

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  3. Oh yeah? Try this on for size: You're 14, you just got home from school, you're a latch key kid and no one answers when you yell out "IS ANYONE HOME?" You then get something to eat outta the kitchen and realise you left your unfinished comic book in the master bathroom this morning when you were taking a dump to get ready for school, so you grab the door to your parents room and push it open, and there's dad doing mom doggy style and worse yet, he doesn't stop and yells at you to close the door, but you can't cause you see your mom's eyes rolled up in the back of her head and it freezes you in horror, but your dad yells at you a second time to get out and close the door which you finally are able to do.

    This is why I had 3 years of therapy.

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  4. speechless. I was all set to write a witty comment, and I am speechless by Walter's comment. I am going to go scrub my brain out with a wire bristle brush now. eeeeeek.

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  5. Oh my gosh, I think I need three years of therapy after reading what Walter wrote!

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  6. My room was right under my parents' room. There were times I wish that they were either less celebratory or that I had a broom to hit the ceiling with -- "hello? I'M DOWN HERE!!!"

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  7. Erm...

    *awkward silence*

    :-)

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  8. Some lines were meant to be broken. Thank you for taking the bullett on this one for all of us. Parents. Celebration. Sex. Holy Shit Balls!

    Blake

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  9. Better to nail under the parents room than to hear them nail. LMAO

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  10. Gross... now I'm doing the math to find out when my parents did it.

    Because, of course, it was just that one time.

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  11. Ugh, I did the math too and it was around Valentine's Day . . . but it's okay, I still maintain I was immaculately conceived (and so were my 2 sisters) and that my parents are totally ignorant of sex.

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  12. things you maybe shouldn't bring up at your boyfriend's parents' dinner table: There was talk, at my boyfriend's parents' table, about Viagra. I remarked that Our Insurance Company would only pay for 6 pills a month... basically 1.5 orgasms a week. And then my boyfriend's uncle preceeded to demonstrate what half an orgasm was like. Not a pretty sight.

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  13. Never witnessed parental sex, thank God. They locked the doors.

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