August 10, 2005

PENIS!

ahh... dewey beach. how i love thee. it's a little like going to new orleans.. you go with the expectation of throwing decorum to the wind and acting like a complete senseless lush. very freeing :-) (uh, is that not how normal people approach new orleans? tangent: i used to work for an airline, and my airline friends and i would take weekend trips, since the flights were free and all. so any time i've ever been to new orleans - or MSY, which is its city code, yes, hello, i'm a huge dork and know the city code for every city in america, these things happen when you work for an airline, people - er, every time i've gone to msy, we've left on friday evening after work, stayed up all night partying on bourbon street, and flown back on the first flight saturday morning. no hotel or anything. you kind of need to approach the night with a no-holds-barred sort of enthusiasm, or you'll tap out at about 4am, and then those next three hours before you get on the flight home are just painful. whereas if you go a little nuts, the whole experience is delightful and makes for excellent stories...)

sooo anyway. dewey. decorum-less enthusiasm. good times. :-) we got there thursday night, and decided to start with a gentle night out to scope out the place.

here we are, for example, on our gentle fourth beer :-)



there are a lot of interesting people at dewey. like this guy:

the next night was a little crazier, because
a) it was friday night, and holy cow did the bars pick up;
b) we had spent all day on the beach, where it was approximately 187 degrees in the sun, and we probably all had mild heatstroke, which really decreases the amount of time it takes to get drunk; and
c) we started the evening at a bar where we asked for plastic shot glasses along with our beers so we could do a power hour. the result of which was we were really, really, happy about 18.4 seconds into our night.

here we are doing beer shots for the power hour


boy, we look sunburned! but we were just hot. and possibly heat-stroked. heat-struck?

so, during the power hour, we see this group of guys come into the bar. they're all young, look pretty cool.. look kind of like a bunch of frat guys, actually. and they're all wearing the same red tshirt, with individual nicknames on the backs. the fronts? said "3rd Annual Crunch the Numbers Festival." here they are:


so we're sitting there, tipsy,* wondering what "crunch the numbers" means. and i'm that girl who will go up to strangers and ask them things while my friends stare and giggle. so up i march, to the guy in the cowboy hat, and as brightly as i could, said,

"hi! are you guys mathletes??"

..which, it turns out, they weren't, but it amused my friends and i to no end anyway :-)

shortly thereafter, we left that bar. and by "left" i mean "i fell down the stairs in front of about 800 people." i have a cute little bruise on my ass as a souvenir. i'm not likely to forget it happened anyway, since immediately after my incident we went to a bar directly facing that one, and the bouncers made me go up the wheelchair ramp into the bar instead of up the 3 stairs, since they had clearly seen what had just happened. oops. and then, of course, my friends offered me the handicapped stall in the bathroom all night long. :-)

the next day, we did NOT eat here for breakfast:

..but did go straight back out that night. see, here we are not sunburned, i told you:

and matching! we're so dorky. we totally did it on purpose. without the heatstroke, we were finding it more difficult to get drunk in under 5 minutes, so we went through a few beers:...danced with this guy because it was his 21st birthday:

..and pretty much had another great time making fools of ourselves. (examples: me screaming frantically when "living on a prayer" came on [i'm a nj girl! i can't help it!] and singing at full volume to a circle of boys who looked like they were about 16; this quote, which i swear was not mine: "i'm willing to take one for the team. 'team' being 'my breasts and cooch.'" ; and this quote, which is mine: "i love how many hot guys without shirts are here! it's like christmas!!")

so remember i said i had a picture of a penis? i wasn't lying. this guy, (who my friends and i referred to as "the whore" all weekend) stuck my camera down his pants and took a picture. seriously. since there were requests, here's it is, but teeeny tiny so in case your boss is walking by there's not a ginormous fleshy penis picture on your desktop. sort of like there was on mine just now. if anyone knows how to make it so my pics are thumbnails so when you click on them they get big, and has an overwhelming desire to see this penis larger, let me know :-)

anyway. the weekend was great. i maybe won't drink for a while now. (yeah right, who are we kidding?) and i didn't even get sunburned! well, except for on my underbutt. you know that area at the top of your thighs where your butt starts? the underbutt? i burned mine a bit.

so. delightful weekend. i wish i could make this post more amusing, but you know.. what happens in dewey, stays in dewey. sorry ;-)




*tipsy here means, of course, off our faces drunk.

15 comments:

  1. did you get burned very bad?

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  2. That...was...AWESOME!

    I was cracking up about you "leaving" the bar on your ass down the stairs. And asking if the guys were mathletes. Hilarious

    And thanks for the gratuitous yet necessary shot down that boy's pants. I guess. Does he know that his bare package is out in the blogosphere for all to see? Even if he didn't, I doubt he'd care if he lets strangers stick a camera down his pants and take a picture.

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  3. I have SO got to get one of those "Mr. Smooth" T-shirts.

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  4. I don't know how you COULD make this post even more entertaining. I loved every word! And the dude has a VERY HAIRY BUSH! If you have his number, I'll forward him my "To Trim, Or Not To Trim" post to help him out!

    If I ever go back east, I'm calling YOU to party with ;-)

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  5. That is how you do New Orleans! YOu should sale this as a freelance article. My fraternity always had our Fall formal in New Orleans and this is who you do it. Fun times!

    Blake

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  6. Great post, great pics.

    Erm...except for the penis one, I mean. I'm a man so I can see one any time I want....

    Perhaps I should just shut up now.

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  7. mojoala - no, not bad at all! esp. considering the level to which i'm capable of getting burned :-)

    amber/april - i definitely DO NOT have his contact info! HECK no :-) and april - how awesome would that be? i think you should schedule a trip!!

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  8. GREAT post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?? and to get to see a fleshy penis unexpectedly! icing on the cake!!!

    and, I love new orleans too-- I had some good times there "back in the day"... haha. went down for the jazz festival several times..

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  9. I felt like I was partying it up with you girls. What a great time and I loved how you described the chain of events with illustrations and all. That guy is TOTALLY hairy...yes, indeed. I'm glad you had fun!

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  10. I totally enjoyed this post! The pictures were fun to look at and you look like you got a decent tan.

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  11. HAHA sounds like you had a Hell of a time.

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  12. Remember the "She Walks" drunk-down-the-stairs-butt-bruise? You are like blood (or is that bruise) sisters now!

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  13. I'm so proud to see the Miller Lite bottles in your pictures.

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  14. Hey,
    Your blog is different than the rest of them. I found it on the blogger home page. I have a site on Shot Glasses maybe we could trade links?

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  15. Hi,
    I found your blog and think you did a great job. What did we do before blogging?

    Cheers,

    Knight Shot Glass

    ReplyDelete