August 23, 2005

hootie mcboobs

i ended up in a conversation yesterday with SheBroughtMeCookies about the necessity of bras that make one a little more... boobalicious. neither of us wear the darn things to actually enhance our assets, but rather to over our.. um.. overzealous headlights, shall we say? i never thought much about my nipples for the first several years they sprouted off my ribcage - i mean come on, everyone knew i had them, what was the big deal? - until i started working in a bar in college.

one night, this guy came into the bar and ordered a pitcher of beer. as i was pouring it, he stared at me. as he paid, he kept staring at me. as i got him cups, he kept staring at me. finally, he goes, "can i ask you a sort of personal question?"

note: it's probably always better to say "no" at this point. and yet i never do.


me: um, ok.

dude: are both your nipples pierced?

me: WHAT!? no!!? ......uh, why?

dude: well, i'd heard that when girls get their nipples pierced, sometimes it makes their nipples hard, like, for life, and i figured that's what happened to you.

me: OH MY GOD, I NEED NEW BRAS.

35 comments:

  1. Yes that is hilarious! I never have that problem.....unless it's REALLY cold out. Bras are a pain in the rear!

    ReplyDelete
  2. again, times like this i'm glad to be a man.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ok, i swear im not a sick basterd and in my male opinion i think that not whereing, can be as, if not more enhanceing of your assets, and some times you just cant beat the hotness of .... well wereing one.... i sound like a freek

    ReplyDelete
  5. hey nice blog. I'm actually just starting my blog yesterday. check it out sometime. thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ha HA spammers!! i have a verification word now! TAKE THAT!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey! where'd my comment go? I'm not a spammer!

    ReplyDelete
  9. oops? i didn't delete yours, i promise! unless you commented anonymously about how you liked my news clips? or directv? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh my gosh..that's so funny! I'm going to be super paranoid about that now.

    ReplyDelete
  11. For the record, I have puffy nipples.

    Blake

    ReplyDelete
  12. That's so funny! I have that problem as well. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  13. I take it you don't want to borrow my t-shirt!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Just a side note on the 'enhancement' bras. When we (guys) get you out of it and there isn't half what it looked like, we are going to be disappointed. If we knew from the get go we wern't finding C's, then it's a lot better mentally. Just thought I'd share that with the ladies.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Eww, not sure I like the extra effort to leave a comment. Because of spammers, lazy bloggers like myself can't comment as easily.

    Anyways, I wasted all my energy typing the above, so now that'll have to do.

    lol, no just kidding. But as a older and wiser girl, I beg you to listen (well read actually) this advice. And pretty much follow your instincts....when a guy asks a question like "can I ask you any kinda question"....proceed with care.

    ReplyDelete
  16. anon e mouse24/8/05 10:08 AM

    Yeah, complain about your headlights. Big deal. Pop a woody during your confirmation, then come complain to me about your nipples.

    ReplyDelete
  17. ROFLMAO! Yes you might indeed need some new bras!

    That last line was too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well, after you stole my assistants by allowing them to oggle your boobies, I think new bras are a must...

    -N

    ReplyDelete
  19. Alice, you're a HOOT! Or a hootie. I would agree about never answering a guy's question when it begins with "can I ask you a personal question?" The last time I answered that was when a guy who "winked" at me on the dating website wanted me to send him my hip measurements because he doesn't like girls with big hips. I'm sure I've mentioned him before. Ass.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Are those the kinds of lines guys in bars are using now? No wonder I am constantly failing miserably.

    ReplyDelete
  21. so your milkshake DOES bring all the boys to the yard!! this was truly an outstanding post. I think we all have the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd string bras. Varsity and jr. varsity. Depending on if we want the bright lights on, or not. haha!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Why is it Men can't get past a woman's tits. Ugh Hubby revels in it when he knows I'm cold.

    ReplyDelete
  23. That is hilarious! Have you learned to say no since that time?

    ReplyDelete
  24. dakota - hello, you ever play with or suck on them? Ever seen a woman's eyes roll back into her head when you get the play just right? *shakes head* sorry...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Have you ever had a short in the electrical wiring, where only one headlight was "on" and the other wasn't?

    ReplyDelete
  26. http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/994/593/400/marbles.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  27. walter - HA! i saw that on postsecret the other day :-) and yes, they TOTALLY go on one at a time sometimes!

    everyone - yes, i know, NEVER say yes when people ask questions like that! ...but i get so curious about what they were going to ask, i always relent and let them just to satisfy my own curiousity :-)

    ReplyDelete
  28. There were LOTS of reasons why Alice captured me, N...

    And those were only two of them. :p

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hey dont feel bad girlie, as an Asian girl, i have femme-bot type nipples and i hated hated wearing any sort of slinky top until i saw that one episode of sex and the city when samantha had those fake nipples that she stuck on herself since nipples were "in". That and my boyfriend (ex boyfriend now)always assured me it was a cool thing and when i think about it, i remember seeing mannequins in store windows wearing shirts with enhanced nipples. Sometimes, bras dont do it for a gal like me...i can never go bra-less in the summer! Kisses from Paris (well i am actually back in NJ now!)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Too funny, Alice. I;m with Carl on this one. It's stories like this that remind me how happy I am to be a man.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Don't let 1 guy ruin it for everyone else. There is no reason to wear a bra to cover up hard nipples. They are part of you ... part of what makes you beautiful.

    Don't let 1 adolescent ruin it for everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  32. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete