July 19, 2005

women: learn to pee godammit

you know what's not hard? PEEING. i know this has been addressed, like, eleventy thousand times before, but clearly there are scores of women out there who still need to hear it. attention, prissy women whose dainty sensibilities are bruised by the mere act of entering a bathroom: STOP PEEING ON THE %#!*%@!& SEAT.

i work in a professional, corporate office. you need a badge from our company just so the elevator will allow you to push any of the buttons that open on our floors. in other words, we don't have random homeless or diseased people lurching through our halls who might accidentally stumble into our bathrooms and wipe oozing body parts on the toilets. we have large, clean, bright bathrooms with tons of stalls. we even have those tissue paper seat covers that are supposed to mollify the people who get skeeved out anyway by the vile properties of toilets. all of which would lead most people to believe that there's very little chance of catching ebola through your ass skin when you plop it down on the throne.

and yet. every day, there is at least one stall whose toilet seat is splattered in someone else's pee. look, people. your ass skin? much like the skin covering the rest of your body? it's there specifically to keep germs and diseases out of your body. no matter what is on the toilet seat, your ass skin will protect you from it. i could even sit on the pee that you have so thoughtfully left all over the seat (as a warning perhaps? to ensure that others don't make the mistake of touching their precious butt to the festering slab of porcelain that is the toilet?) and my ass would still be fine. however, it would also be wet, and that causes a problem when i pull my pants back up. seeing as i do a bang-up job of not peeing my own pants, it would be super if i didn't have to worry about YOUR pee too. i know, i know, you're neurotically obsessed with how gross toilet seats are and what you can catch from them. that's what those handy little toilet covers are for. they, like your skin, were specifically designed to create an additional barrier between your perfectly-capable skin and whatever it is you imagine will kill/maim/disease you on the seat. there is NOTHING TO FEAR from a toilet seat, unless you have large open sores on your ass, in which case ew, go get that checked out.

to sum up: peeing on the seat is freaking disgusting, ladies. please learn to be potty trained like the rest of the adults.

15 comments:

  1. haha that is freaking hilarious!!! one time they little boy opened the door while i was going pee at wal-mart. I was utterly embarrsed, because not only did the whole girls bathroom get to "see" me but the bathroom door was open as well... plus there was pee on the seat so i was squatting... haha my life is great!

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  2. You should see guys bathrooms. Heck half of the males of the species can't evidently hit the broadside of a barn with their pee stream. I get sick and tired of seeing pee running down the walls in the bathrooms I go to. That's just plain laziness if you ask me.

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  3. OMG i hate that too!
    ps, when i pee, i never get pee on the seat
    and i squat..
    it must be b/c i am southern and we were learned how to pee at cotillion- along with great ballroom dancing

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  4. Wow. Disgusting and hilarious! An amazing combination.

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  5. Hi Alice, thanks for dropping by my blog. Going to a 'public' toilet and seeing pee on the seat pretty much makes my pelvic floor pull up into itself. I mean, if they dribble onto the seat, the least they could do is wipe it off don't you think.

    I'm starting to feel ill just thinking about it. Thank god I'm at home now if I want to pee lol

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  6. And I thought only guys indulged in the "how to ruin everybody else's day by turning the bathroom into a sewer room" game.
    I love women, but might have to remove them from their pedestal for dusting after this little revelation. But only for a day or so.

    Wombat

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  7. Too funny. Have you considered posting this manifesto in the stalls? :)

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  8. I've heard that women are alot worse then men when it comes to bathroom etiquette. Great post btw. I ALWAYS use the paper on the seat unless someone has already peed on the seat.

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  9. Sad, yet funny and true! I *hate* to walk in a stall and see remnants of piss all over the seat. (shudder)

    I love your blog! Thanks for visiting and commenting on my site. :)

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  10. i have accidentally peed on a toilet seat, i admit it!!! but i grabbed a huge wad of toilet paper and wiped it off, for pete's sake. i squat and i shave my pubes so it goes in every direction,LOL.this can not be helped. but i do clean up after myself,atleast.

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  11. Interesting. I always believed that the women's restroom was always cleaner than the men's restroom but apparently not. I thought sprinkled toilet seats was a nasty trait found only in the men's restroom since we generally stand up, but I've been educated that some ladies don't like their bottoms touching public seats and thereby miss. Not is this post amusing but it's informative.

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  12. OMG I know exactly what you are saying it disgusts me that I have to even use a public restroom and I swear there is only one toilet in the whole bathroom that has no pee on the seat. What the hell, are women that lazy they can't take an extra piece of toilet paper and wipe it off. Ugh

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  13. Ok...today was the last straw, people. I simply cannot stand women who "hover" over public toilet seats and then leave their "droppings" for someone else to clean up. Would you use a bathroom that had no toilet paper and no water? Of course not --- therefore, take some of the toilet paper, walk to the sink, put some water on the toilet paper, wipe off the seat, take some MORE toilet paper, lay it on the sides of the seat, and then SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND PEEEEE!!!
    I am one of those people who must use public bathrooms if I have to go. I have a weak bladder and a spastic colon. If there are none of those paper seat covers available (I use 2 if I am really paranoid) then I just use the toilet paper that should be in there to put on the seat!!! Doesn't that make more sense then trying to hold your balance while you aim, hold your panties out of the way, and then make a big NASTY mess for the next person? Let's not even talk about men who can't aim straight...that's another issue all together. I am talking about all those stupid, paranoid bitches who think they are going to get some deadly disease on the back of their thighs (because that's the only part of your body that's going to be touching the seat when you sit down) in even in the cleanest of public toilets. I am tired of having to clean up behind you while I hold my pee (or whatever I have do in there) and clean up your mess. I am 50 years old, have been using public bathrooms my entire life and I haven't caught anything yet. Use the damned toilet paper...that's what it's there for!!

    THNKING FASHION?....THINK http://WWW.COSMICCREATIONSFIRST.COM
    BY MS. CARLA J.

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  14. I am looking for a poem or some sort about Ladies bathroom Etiquette for our bathroom at work. I am tired of seeing PEE ON THE TOILET SEAT! That is soooo disgusting. Not to mention they leave yucky toilete paper on the floor next to the toilet.. do they miss the toilet??!!

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