August 11, 2015

With great power comes the great opportunity to scare the crap out of people

This past weekend, Chris and I went to Toronto for his grandmother's 80th birthday. It was a very sweet event that brought four generations of her offspring together - four of her five children; all eleven grandchildren; and all 6 great-grandchildren (plus a ton of us significant others!) all together in one room.

The one downside is that we got back quite late on Sunday night, and I had to get up early on Monday to take the metro to work, since I'd left my car there on my way to the airport the previous week. Which is how I ended up blearily stumbling out of my parking lot on foot, only half awake, through my quiet and nearly deserted neighborhood.

A sudden movement from behind a tree caught my eye, and I turned a tired glance to the left to see what it was.


To be clear, this is a LIFE SIZED SPIDERMAN, CROUCHED BEHIND A TREE, LOOKING AT ME. And twitching slightly. At 8am, in my residential suburban neighborhood.

Obviously, my first thought was that I was going to die, because what sort of sick fuck puts on a SPIDERMAN OUTFIT and creeps around the suburbs in it? WEIRDO FETISH MURDERERS, that's who.

(...I, uh, watch a lot of crime dramas.)

However, after a few highly panicked and startled seconds, I realized it was probably a balloon. A life-sized, lurking, Spiderman balloon that must have lost most of its helium, that for some reason was on the sidewalk in front of my house.

It must have been slightly caught on something in the grass though, because the gusts of wind would just make it twitch or duck its head (IN A VERY DISCONCERTINGLY HUMAN MANNER) rather than move the entire balloon. I rapidly went back and forth about 5 times in my head trying to decide if it actually was a balloon, or if it really was a person in a costume. Every time I'd decide on balloon, it would move in a way that seemed distinctly purposeful and human-like, as if crouching in that position for so long was getting uncomfortable.

It was at about this time that I also started wondering if I were on some sort of hidden camera show. And if I were, whether it was more likely that they'd plant a life-sized balloon to startle people, or a person who would lull you into thinking it was a balloon and then jump out at you when you passed to scare you even more.

So. I'm pretty sure it was just a balloon that somehow escaped some child's birthday party and was stuck there. I didn't get any closer than this though just in case.


  1. Ha ha ha that would totally scare the crap out of me as well!

  2. The hell?! There isn't enough coffee in the world to even handle something like that in the morning. Nope.

  3. It seriously looks real. I would not get any closer either!

  4. OMFG my heart rate would never come back down. That is terrible/hilarious/mostly just terrible.

  5. Bahahahahahaha. I'm dying laughing and also legit dying...I would die. My heart would stop and I would die.


  6. I saw this on your facebook post, but didn't know the exhaustion from a busy weekend was behind it as well. Definitely material for a heart attack or panic! But what I really want to know now is, did any of your neighbors see your response?