How to ask your bridesmaids to be in your wedding and freak people out in one easy step

Once I found myself affianced, the next logical step was figuring out who to ask to be in my bridal party.

(Incidentally, back when Chris and I first started dating, I informed him we actually COULDN'T get married. I'd come to the conclusion it was too hard to choose bridesmaids amongst friends, so I planned to only have my sister in my wedding since that was the easy way out... but Chris has 2 brothers plus several best friends. Therefore we were obviously incompatible.)

Once I had narrowed the bridesmaid pool down a bit, the NEXT logical step was figuring out how to ask them to be in my bridal party. For help with this, I turned to my good friend Pinterest. Most of my bridesmaid candidates are not particularly local, so my first inclination (show up on their doorsteps with a bottle of booze + a note requesting their participation) was mostly foiled. Pinterest, however, had loads of ideas for me.  Loads of thoughtful, touching, cutesy ideas.  

I am... none of those things. 

I just could not see myself putting together a memory chest with swatches of fabric in my wedding colors (I.. don't have wedding colors yet?) and little items that reflected my theme (I don't have a theme?) and a touching, calligraphied note... much less mailing these boxes across the country (or across an ocean, in one case!). I disliked the idea of "proposing" to my own bridesmaids. I didn't really get the appeal of writing the request on a puzzle and sending over the pieces. I didn't love the "I've got a man, now I need my girls!" or the "be my bitch!" style requests.

So I decided to come up with something more... me.  And what I am, apparently, is cheesy. I decided to embrace the cheese, embrace my legacy of high-quality artistic skillz, and make my own bridesmaid-requesting cards.

Here are some handy step-by-step instructions should you, too, want to make your own:

Step 1: google an image of a bride & a bridesmaid. If you're me, find the most amazingly dressed bride & bridesmaid you can. 

Step 2: find an adequately ridiculous photo of yourself with your face turned to roughly the same angle as the googled bride.

Step 3: find a (slightly) more flattering photo of your potential bridesmaid, also with their face tilted to roughly the same angle as the googled bridesmaid.

Step 4: photoshop! The poorer the quality, the more they'll know you care. 

Step 5: print, back with fancy paper, and mail to unsuspecting friends.

I showed Chris the proofs after printing them at the Target photo department, and he asked if he was sure my friends would still want to be friends with me after receiving these. 

(I'm also having 2 maids of honor, because I couldn't NOT have my sister and I equally couldn't not have my bff, so... there's two of them. Not particularly sorry or bothered about it.)

To all my friends' (and sister's) credit, every single one of them thought the cards were hilarious... albeit terrifying / insane / creepy. Which is cool! It's not like I was laboring under the delusion that these were adorable and twee or something. 

Apparently at my sister's house, it went down something like this:

Her bf, on the phone: it looks like you got something important from your sister.
My sister: oh really? I can't leave the lab tonight; can you just open it and let me know what it is?
Her bf: [opens it] 
Her bf: [prolonged silence]
Her bf: I.. really can't. You just need to come home. 

NAILED IT.