October 14, 2010

my sister: she wins at life

you guys, i wish you could all meet & hang out with my sister. if you looked through my entire birthday photo set, you saw several of me like this:

THIS IS AWESOME

My sister, she is funny.

...and it was entirely due to my sister's birthday present to me, which started with this:

Waldorf training at work

as you'll recall, i had a somewhat.. um.. "fraught" past few months wherein i injured myself sort of constantly. which my sister has actually DRAWN INTO MY NAME here: the ribs are for getting them stuck out of alignment; the tailbone, of course, for the months of suffering it caused (plus the varying attempted fixes); a starbucks cup for the accidental back-scalding; an umbrella for playing a starring role in both the ribs AND the scalding incidents; and finally bedbugs from that horrifying foray into the wrong way for a body to react to vermin.

so naturally, her gift to me was a survival kit.

Sums me up pretty nicely..

can you see the small print? it says "For use in case of rare / mysterious / patently ridiculous injury."

img 131

(you should probably click on most of these for bigger / detailed views, by the way.)

so what would i need, in addition to sterile gloves, fake blood, several bandages of varying sizes, and "happy pills"?

helpful field guides to help diagnose and treat my maladies, naturally:

Afflicted Torso flowchart

(seriously, click on this to see it big. worth it.)

Proper Umbrella Use Guide

(can you tell she's also a scientist?)

obviously these were a HUGE hit (especially with me) and she is a VERY FUNNY LADY.

'Handy

and there was still more!

She knows me well.

Thank you, Elizabeth!

so HOPEFULLY my 30th year will be a little less clumsy than my 29th so that i can watch dexter at my leisure (can you believe i've never seen a single episode?) but it's nice to know my sister has me covered for the much more likely scenario of... well... anything else.

(BOOB MRSA. MRSA. ON MY BOOB. STILL INCREDULOUS.)

19 comments:

Jess said...

This gift is BRILLIANT. The way your name is drawn with your various maladies? ALSO BRILLIANT. CANNOT GET OVER THE BRILLIANCE.

Kristabella said...

Your sister wins the WHOLE WORLD! That is the best thing I've ever seen!!

Nicole said...

I was just telling my friend today that I suck at life because in all my years of being alive, I have yet to master how to get in and out of a car with an umbrella without getting wet.

Your sister is awesome. What thoughtful and hilarious gifts. You should rent her out to us lonely only children. *pouty sad face*

missris said...

Wow that present is absolutely ridiculously amazing. So much time and thought went into that! Also, damn she is a good artist! I'm so impressed.

d e v a n said...

Oh my gosh - that is awesome!

Shelly Overlook said...

Your sister is amazing!!!!

KT said...

Wow that must have taken her hours. How thoughtful!!

Marie said...

That's it, she's coming to my birthday next year!!

I think that's by far one of THE best gifts I've seen.

Pickles and Dimes said...

That is the best gift HANDS DOWN.

I laughed myself silly at the umbrella usage guide: "Practice with a miniature cocktail umbrella until comfortable." HAHAHHHA

Sizzle said...

That? IS AWESOME!

Raven said...

BRILLIANT!

kcinnova said...

Bwahahaha! "Practice with cocktail umbrella" Your sister rocks!
From now on, umbrellas and cars will be connected to you guys. (Hopefully in a safe way!)

Word Verification= heliersh
which is sort of like hellish, which pretty much describes your year of health quandries

kilax said...

Your sister is so clever! I wish I was clever like that! :)

Toddy said...

Watch Dexter immediately, Its AMAZING!!! Worth paying one month of showtime for which is like 29 bucks or something which is like only 3 movies and you wont need to go to the movies for a month. Second, you and your sister are OBVS brilliant and wordsmiths and I kinda wish I was in your family. Glad you had a good birthday! Heats to a healthier decade and cheers, T.

Suburban Sweetheart said...

This. Is. Incredible. Your sister is basically a superhero.

Lindsey said...

LOL. Your sister is AWESOME! And happy belated birthday. 30 is a good year...I promise.

LiLu said...

Best present ever. For serious. I think that even trumps the RC plane I got Ben.

Lassie said...

I dont understand what you are saying here

Siera said...

Your siser souns great! I hope 30 is more or less bump free.