non sequitors

for the majority of my commute to work, i take a pretty busy county road that has two lanes in either direction, separated by a wide grass median. the speed limit on this road is 55, although it can feel like a slightly "slower" road since there are regular traffic lights, occasional residential lots directly fronting the road, and a few schools / churches / etc.

HOWEVER. the speed limit IS STILL 55 MPH. if you feel like 55 is too fast, i will be very annoyed while driving behind you, and will probably tailgate you because i'm an aggressive a-hole when i'm driving to work behind someone who is going 20 GODDAMN MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT when i have places to be.

another solution, if you're a pansy-ass slowpoke more cautious driver, would be to use the right lane. you know, the slow lane? the one that isn't the passing lane, or the fast lane? except apparently NO ONE IN VIRGINIA is aware of this concept. i assumed everyone with a license was aware that if you're on a highway with more than one lane, the left lane is for passing and speeding. NO ONE DOES THIS HERE. at least once a week, i get stuck behind two yahoos who are both doing 45 mph, side by side, in either lane. FOR MILES ON END. just poking along, during rush hour, while cars pile up behind them in both lanes desperately trying to find an opening to pass one car or the other. it makes me far more infuriated than is healthy.

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on sunday night, after a delicious dinner at Mad Fox Brewing Company with some lovely friends, i headed to chris's house to watch a movie. he was munching on some tasty vietnamese sandwiches while we lounged, and due to my complete lack of willpower i found myself absently reaching for a bite before long. i took a wee nibble from the edge of one sandwich, aiming to get mainly bread, when chris turned to me suddenly and goes "oh, um, you should be careful - there are hot peppers on this one."

this statement occurred concurrently with a sudden PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! message from my brain, and before i knew what was happening some sort of base instinct took over and i opened my mouth and literally dribbled out the chunk of pepper that i'd just started chewing, exactly like a toddler who realizes halfway through a bite of broccoli that things are Not Cool.

i am BAD with spicy food. it's not that i don't like it; it's that i have practically no natural tolerance for hot spice and it causes highly stereotypical white-person reactions like turning red, sweating, and, you know, HURTINESS IN MY MOUTH. and that's when i have, like, hot wings. not when i bite directly into a raw hot pepper.

the pain on my tongue, where the pepper had been sitting for those few seconds, was instant and violent. i ran to the kitchen, making some sort of "EHH! EHH! EHH!" noise, probably while flapping my arms about ineffectively. i threw open the fridge door and couldn't find milk, and since the pain was reaching OMG SERIOUS PROBLEM level, i grabbed some watermelon and started shoving it madly in my mouth to try and stop the burning. chris came over and found some milk for me, which he helpfully poured out and handed to me as i stood paralyzed, whimpering slightly.

for the next 10 minutes i had to sip slowly on milk so that my tongue wouldn't go more than 2 seconds without the milk-balm, or the burn ramped back up immediately into paralyzing levels.

chris, on the other hand, went back to the sandwich, where he proceeded to eat SEVERAL of these peppers, with no apparent reaction.

SOMEONE here is experiencing these peppers incorrectly, i just don't know who.