i have like 192378615 things to blog about right now, but this needed to be shared:
i was on the phone with my mom this morning after my MRI (um, one of the aforementioned things i need to blog about) and she asked if i had watched this week's episode of Top Chef Masters to see the bride featured in that challenge. specifically, my mom needed me to reassure her that i under NO CIRCUMSTANCES would consider wearing a gown like that, ever, cross my heart and hope to die, at my own (hypothetical) wedding. she apparently had also tasked my sister, Elizabeth, with watching the episode and making the same promise.
i hadn't seen the show, but i googled for pictures of the dress once i got to work. then i emailed over these two pictures, asking "is this the dress?"
my sister - my PhD candidate at Stanford sister - wrote back:
I guess it's a good thing I don't have a lot of cleavage because otherwise that would totally be my wedding dress. What says "I'm a classy bride about to begin a beautiful marriage with my wonderful husband" like boobs that scream "please come motorboat me one last time before it's too late!"
...at which point my face melted. i turned to my coworker and said "oh my god. my sister is going to make my mom google the term motorboating."
not 10 minutes later, the following email turned up in my inbox:
Daughters: Keep in mind that you are seeing these boobs in a still shot - you should see them in action!
Elizabeth: Thank you for introducing me to the term motorboatin'.
OH MY GOD, people.
Hilarious!!! Haven't seen that ep yet, but now I cannot wait.
ReplyDeleteMotorboatin' boobies are so Klassy!
You almost made me snort soda out of my nose. That's priceless!
ReplyDeleteWell, thank goodness that iconic wedding style will be preserved for trampy brides to take example from for years to come.
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel like that email back from your mom should have had the "The More You Know" sound effect attached.
Bwahahaha! I'm still laughing over this!
ReplyDeleteHells yes! This post is made of win.
ReplyDeleteSo, is there a term for the huge (looks to be about four inches, in her case) swath of stomach you can see in between the wide, pendulous knockers? If not, I think we should come up with one.
ReplyDeleteSteavage?
Boobelly?
bwhahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly enough, I believe there *is* a way to do classy cleavage. I also believe that this is NOT it. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who is a perpetual cleavage bearer. Her wedding dress was basically cut down the front almost to her belly button. So you saw the entire center of her chest.
ReplyDeleteBut that's just how she rolls. Her family knows it. His family knew it. In fact, we were all wondering what boob-showing wedding dress she'd be wearing and she did not disappoint. Even I had a hard time concentrating.
Oh My God that is effing hilarious. I'm silent-laughing at my desk right now over the ridiculousness.
ReplyDeleteHa! Excellent.
ReplyDeleteYou always have to be careful with the sexual education of parents. They have little self control and want to try everything for themselves.
Your mom knows about motorboating. Priceless.
ReplyDeleteAs a one-time bride with ample cleavage, I hope I pulled it off better than this chick.
Ohhh... and one other thing. I love how in the first picture the groom is definitely oogling those boobs. They should frame that pic.
ReplyDeletePlease don't make me google that term. Because then my computer-savvy sons would see what I'd googled. Be a nice friend and quietly e-mail me the definition.
ReplyDeleteAnd then post this MRI business!
*quietly slinking off before anyone notices that I'm too old to know what motorboating means...
Klassy!
ReplyDeleteHA!
ReplyDeleteLet it be known that I am a fan of boobs and would hope that my future ex-wife will have a lovely matching set of them. However, I do not need all of my friends and family seeing precisely how lovely they are on the day that we wed or any day that doesn't involve a sit-com shower scene mistake.
ReplyDeleteI suppose you lose the whole pure thing with the white dress when your boobs are out and about.
ReplyDeleteI don't watch that show but LMAO what a dress. ;) She must be real proud of her rack xD
ReplyDeleteLife. MADE.
ReplyDeletePlease make your mama come to a brunch. PLEASE.
Hilarious! I was wondering while watching that episode why no one was telling her that the dress was So INAPPROPRIATE. There is practically side boob action!
ReplyDelete