more bad internet dates! i do it for YOU, folks. for you.

god, this has been a long week, and it's still only THURSDAY. and it's not even like anything has been going on this week; it's just been long. and boring. these 5 day weeks are inhumane, yo.

in much better news, though, this weekend is looking like it's going to be downright AWESOME. whose theme will be: all-blogger, all the time. tomorrow is the nova blogger meet up; @makarlin arrives from the windy city tonight (!! WHEE!); and the dc bloggers are convening for a night of debauchery on saturday. (pst! local and want to come play but don't have the details? email me!)

so last week, on dcprincess's suggestion, i joined okcupid. i'd quit match a few months ago, and while i'm certainly not regretting that decision, i also.. um... haven't had any dates. and okcupid is free. score!

but, um, let's just say my first experience on there has been.... well. "alarming" comes to mind.

i agreed to meet up with a pretty cute guy last wednesday night. let's call him... sam. there was a whole debacle around him actually showing up for the date, but short version: he got super lost and was nearly an hour and a half late. he was in contact that whole time, though, so it's not like i was sitting there wondering where he was (well, aside from in the very literal sense, since HE didn't know where he was). anyway. he eventually shows up, the date goes fine enough; he's a nice guy but i wasn't getting the sense there was much potential there for an actual relationship.

so we eventually pay up and head back to our cars. once we get to mine, he... well, he pretty much jumps me. on the one hand, i like to make out with boys, and he was pretty cute, so i was not entirely opposed to the idea. on the other hand, diving face first into my cleavage and trying to get hands up my skirt - all while standing in a parking lot - is a bit much for having just met you 2 hours ago, dude. so i laughingly but firmly put an end to the excessive gropage and sent him on his merry way.

two days later, i get a voicemail from sam apologizing for not calling sooner, saying he had a really nice time on the date, and he hopes he didn't "scare me off." i got the vm right as i was walking out the door with a book for some reading in the sun, so i decided to call him back after my read.

an hour and a half later, i get a text message: "i did scare you off, huh? that's ok, it happens...sorry. you're a cool chick. good luck on okc!"

dude. really? i didn't reply for an hour and a half. on a holiday. calm down.

i called him back a little while later and got his vm, leaving a generic message and saying maybe we'd connect later in the weekend. shortly after leaving that, though, i decided i really had no interest in connecting with him at all, so figured i'd just let it go to voicemail again if he called back and that would be the end of things.

fast forward to tuesday, when i'm at my girlfriend alyssa's house for dinner. my phone rings while we were in the middle of a conversation, and when i reached into my purse to silence it, accidentally answered it instead. and of course it was sam. i panicked and hit "end," which yeah, mean, whatever. he called right back and this time i did let it go to voicemail.

a minute after that, my phone chimes to alert me i have a text message - three times in a row. which means he had sent me a THREE PAGE LONG TEXT MESSAGE. three. pages. of how i was fake and i "get what i want" then "have regrets the next day" and ignoring him will only egg him on and he never should have kissed me. THREE PAGES.

so as not to "egg him on," i text him back this (and yeah, white lie, so sue me): "i was on another call before and accidentally answered / hungup trying to send the call to vm. but you're right, you have now officially come on too strong."

upon which my phone rings AGAIN. alyssa is laughing hysterically by this point. i didn't answer, obviously, and then about 2 minutes later - MINUTES! - the phone beeps again to let me know i have voicemail. he had left me a TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL lamenting the fact that people don't say what they feel and how he was sorry we had misunderstood each other and also i was a really cool girl and he's just so frustrated with people in general, and so he'll talk to me later - or not - and hopes we're cool.

AND THEN SENDS YET ANOTHER (two page) TEXT MESSAGE. about how he's pretty sure he sabotages himself subconsciously and then spends so much time trying to dig himself out of the hole, and also he wants me to know i have a cute nose.

i can see why some women say they'd rather just not date.