May 21, 2009

TMI Thursday: my underwear needs to come with instructional videos

**It's TMI Thursday! Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing a completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, "how many readers can I estrange THIS week??" TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else's!**

As always, you can blame LiLu for this ;-)

TMI Thursday

i don't seem to have a lot of super gross TMIs (not that i can top the helpful (-ly disgusting) words of wisdom from TGIFriday dude i shared last time).. so this one's more just about how i'm a moron.

i don't really enjoy chatting with people while i'm in the bathroom. peeing should be done alone, you know? and if other people have to be there, everyone should politely pretend to ignore everyone else. there is no need for full blown stall-to-stall conversations with coworkers. i have enough awkwardness in my life already, thank you.

however, the anti-chat rule does not apply to my friend.. um.. "gertrude." we're very good friends. and we talk about EVERYTHING. seriously. there is not a topic we have not covered at some point (and usually then beaten to death). all those things that are normally tmi between friends? nonexistent. so it's also normal for us to chat while peeing.

anyhoo! yesterday, we're headed to the bathroom together. i was wearing a cute little sundress (hello gorgeous weather! finally!) and was commenting how i had opted for boy shorts underneath, given the skirt's fullish nature and thus its potential for flying up in a stiff breeze.

me: the problem is that these boy shorts are SERIOUSLY riding up my ass.
gertrude: yeah, that's always a potential problem with boy shorts.
me: right? i.... holy shit.
gertrude: what?? are you ok?
me: yes. i just... um... my underwear is on inside out.

gertrude proceded to nearly fall off the toilet laughing (i would say "nearly pissed herself" except.. you know). mostly because about a year ago, we had THIS conversation, while side by side in the exact same stalls:

me: dude. holy shit.
gertrude: what?? are you ok?
me: yes. i just... um... i think i put my thong on sideways this morning.

as in, i had my waist through one of the leg holes. until that point, i was not aware you COULD get a thong on sideways. but if you're me, and you're not a morning person, you can.

to sum up: i am 28 years old and still cannot put on underwear properly.

28 comments:

  1. As I completely fall out of my chair laughing AGAIN!!!! NEVER gets old!

    <3 Gertrude

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  2. Oh. My lord.

    I knew we were friends for a reason. This has happened to me about once a month for MY WHOLE LIFE.

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  3. Hahahha hahahha hahahah HAHA ! Too funny.. it's hard to picture a thong on sideways but it sounds like you managed to do it well !

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  4. seriously, the sideways thong thing? ME TOO! those f'ers are complicated bits of string.

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  5. I am SO GOOD at putting my underwear on inside out. It's ridiculous. I should get a medal for it.

    Also I've put a thong on sideways before. I hate thongs. I just don't GET them.

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  6. I inadvertently put on my underwear inside out all the time. Apparently I am not smart enough to know otherwise.

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  7. You put your thong on...sideways? It's obvious to me now that your ass is entirely too small. I would never confuse the waist with the legs on my thongs (yes, I typed "tongues" and had to erase it. Where is my mind these days?).

    But I put my underwear on inside out and even backwards (those boyshorts are freaking confusing!) all the time. All the time.

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  8. I do the sideways thong thing all the time. And then I convinces myself that I've gained 30lbs overnight because my underwear is cutting off the circulation to my legs. Every time.

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  9. Haa haa! I just snorted Pepsi.

    Thongs suck, but they are necessary.

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  10. The sideways thong thing is brilliant. I have put my underwear on sideways before, but then I noticed when it DIDN'T FIT.

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  11. You know what solves this problem?

    Going commando.

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  12. Bahaha! A thong on sideways? I can't even imagine how uncomfortable that would be.

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  13. Ha ha! I've been trying to figure out how exactly you get a thong to fit sideways and just what that would look like...but I'm thinking it's one of those things you can't fully understand until you've done it yourself...

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  14. HAHAHAHHAHA - the thong! Oh my god. I have done the inside-out thing before, but never SIDEWAYS.

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

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  15. LMAO

    And I totally carry on conversations in the stall. But I've noticed that some people do NOT. Heh.

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  16. Oh, and Cute Sundress Weather rocks!!

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  17. So this is like the time when I went to the lady doc's office a few weeks back, got checked, put my nickers back on and MUCH later in the evening saw that I had put them back on backwards.

    We rule.

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  18. I totally know that feeling :S
    Apparently it's bad luck to turn it right side out after you notice too.

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  19. If you find some boy shorts that don't ride up, let me know!

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  20. Love it!! This must be why "granny panties" are called "granny panties." When you get old and your vision starts to go, you need an obvious top versus bottom.

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  21. Bwahaha. No frigging. You didn't!? I'm so emailing this to ALL my friends.

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  22. It took a few attempts, but finally I managed to picture a thong going on sideways...

    I put underwear on back-to-front and inside-out all the time, but for men it really doesn't matter a whole lot.

    Especially men like me that hardly get any action... *sighs dramatically*

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  23. I have this same issue of putting on my panties inside out. Its usually cuz I'm not paying attention to the tags and what not. I also once thought my thong was on backwards cuz the tag was in the front. Damn Victoria Secret!
    I'm with you 28 years old and still can't put panties on correctly!

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  24. I've put my thong on sideways before. I've also immediately realized it, seeing at how it feels so awkward. But, um yeah...

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  25. Five minutes ago I put on a wife beater wrong... this takes the cake.

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  26. Oh my gosh! Just last week, I wrote my coworker an email to let her know I put my thong on sideways. I am glad to hear I am not the only one! The inside-out underwear is a common occurrence for me as well. What's up with that?!

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  27. So stop wearing underwear! Would that work?

    Still enjoying your blog after all these years.

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