TMI Thursday! it tastes metallic.

those of you already familiar with the lovely lilu already know all about tmi thursday. i haven't participated before, but due to the circumstances of tuesday night i can't NOT post this.

to any regular readers who don't want to hear about things of a graphic nature, TURN BACK NOW. trust me on this.

so tuesday was our end of quarter, which means staying in the office closing deals until our fingers fall off. by the time we got out around 12:30am, we were a little punch-drunk. three of us from our department decided to head over to the TGI Friday's right across from our office for one celebratory drink before driving our sleepy asses home.

well. we were hardly halfway through our drinks when the table next to us - who had evidently been at the bar for quite some time already - started chatting us up. before long, a rather large, bald, sweatpants-and-fleece-wearing gentleman was standing (slash swaying) at the head of our table, tall beer in hand, explaining to us that he'd just that day had his penis piercing replaced with a bigger one. in fact, his old one was currently hanging out in his ear. (fyi, the one in his ear? was PRETTY DARN BIG.) after this revelation, he excused himself for a moment to go apply some more ointment, since apparently things were starting to itch.

when he got back, i asked if that meant he wasn't allowed to use his Party Tool for a while, due to the healing time, and he assured me that nope, he could bone someone right now if he so desired. then he detailed - and i do mean "detailed" - how much pleasure his partners experienced due to The Piercing. (apparently condoms can still fit over it. he made sure we were clear on this pertinent fact.)

we're not entirely sure how, but this morphed into a conversation - well, more of a soliliquy, i suppose - about how effective milking the prostate can be, complete with visual aids ("you just lick one finger like this... then you pop it in like THIS... then.. MMMMMM... in goes another finger... YEEEEAH...best orgasm of your man's LIFE, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. and if you're sucking his dick at the same time? it's like a VOLCANIC EXPLOSION. ") (uh, to be clear, these were visual aids IN THE AIR. no actual fingers being inserted anywhere.) (much to his dismay, i believe.)

NEXT came an alarming graphic demonstration of what it looks like to pry someone's Exit Only Hole open with your thumbs ("then you want to stick the tongue in a little... *licking motions*") and the assertion that he was 100% straight... except during orgies, because why not try everything on the buffet in those situations, was he right? he did admit that he's "tasted" both sexes, and that they both taste like chicken. except the asshole, which tastes "a bit metallic."

he then generously offered to take the three of us - me, my boss, and our male coworker - out to his minivan (!!) for a foursome, where he could treat us to some of his better moves. we politely declined.

i only wish we were drunker for this conversation, because it's the only way i can see it possibly being better than it already was.