April 27, 2009

have you had your coffee yet? ok good. let's talk about sex.

if you're related to me / work with me / etc., maybe you want to skip this post? kthx.

when i was younger, i never really believed it when people told me women became more sexual / reached their sexual prime in their late 20s or 30s. or more accurately, i assumed that it only applied to women who were *already* pretty sexual in their teens and early 20s - like, those ladies just got even sexual-ier.

i was a, um, "late bloomer," to put it mildly. and then once i finally did start with the sexy time, it was nice and all, but i never really craved it or thought about it much except while it was happening.

aaaaaand then. hello, late 20s. haha, so, um, people weren't lying about the whole sexual prime thing, i guess. who knew.

i was thinking about this recently, because it's Been A While, If You Know What I Mean, and i find my mind wandering in ways in which it never used to wander during periods of draught back in my earlier 20s. like last week, while playing ultimate, i spent an entire point pondering - fairly graphically, i might add - how one of my teammates would be in bed. and then i found myself wondering the same thing about a guy i'd JUST MET, while watching a baseball game this weekend with him and his friends. i used to get a crush on a guy, and then think dreamily about making out with him or spooning in bed. now, most of those words can be removed: i think dreamily about making out with him or spooning in bed. basically, i kind of feel like a dude.

so, what's the big deal, right? well, here's my worry: i'm afraid that since i've started fantasizing about sleeping with a guy before i have anything remotely resembling feelings for him, that i'm going to end up ho-ing it up with dudes when i, ah, shouldn't be. not that i think ladies shouldn't be free to sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want etc etc. but i have a Leading People On hang up, and i'm pretty sure sleeping with someone just because you've been eyeing their biceps for an hour, and not because you Like Them For Who They Are, is a good way to lead someone on.

or, maybe i should have Bicep Sex so that i WON'T feel the need to ho it up with a guy i'm actually interested in? except despite everything else, i'm not actually very good at ho-ing it up with randoms, so that's probably not going to work out.

this is clearly why people have f-buddies. or HUSBANDS, i suppose.


  1. You know, I think the fact that you're AFRAID of ho-ing it up means that you WON'T, or at least not excessively. You know? And also, what's wrong with ho-ing it up with someone you're interested in? I really do not think there's a correlation between when you first sleep with someone and whether or not the relationship works out.

    I guess my point is, have fun! In ways that are safe and comfortable for you.

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  3. When I was single, I ho-ed it up for the first time ever (I married hella young the first time) and only for a VERY brief period of my life (we're talking months) but although it really wasn't very "me" it was still a valuable experience.

    I never really had the free-love college dating experience that some of my friends did and I felt like a spinster when I was all shocked at their behavior...so I tried it out for a bit and honestly, it just didn't work for me, but at least I wasn't just being judgy pants anymore, I KNEW it wasn't for me. That first-hand knowledge made me feel better somehow, plus that was some HOTNESS going on. Boy howdy.

  4. I don't think you'll end up ho-ing around, you're way too aware of the possibility!
    I also think that sex can come before intimacy in a relationship and still have the relationship work out. So maybe one of those guys with the sexy biceps is boyfriend-potential?
    (I think I wandered over from Hillary with 2 Ls a while ago.)

  5. Am I so wrong to think and tell you that a one night stand to errrr quiet the beast isn't the worst thing a girl could do?!?

  6. I second Nilsa's comment and vote for Bicep Sex!

  7. Interesting if what you say is true about this sexual prime....

    Also, do it as much as you want baby.

  8. Hey as long as you two are being safe about it and both of you are in agreement that it's nothing more, then go for it!

  9. Oh, I say have a much fun as you want. As long as YOU want it and NOT because you are pleasing someone else. Er, just please yourself! Hee!

  10. A little bicep sex probably couldn't hurt...

  11. Women are only sluts/hos/whores (in my book) if they sleep around for reasons other than sex.

    If you sleep around because you love SEX I think that is totally acceptable VS the reason most SLUTS do it, because they want the guy to like them, want self-esteem, want to feel accepted and cool, etc. That is totally the wrong reason and it's sad that it seems to be the number one reason why so many sluts exist.

    Enough with the word slut though, seriously if you want sex for sex's sake then go for it! That's your god-given perogative :)

    PS don't worry about leading men on...they can take it.

  12. I've been thinking about this for thirty whole seconds, and I have roughed out a theory:

    1) If Person A has a love-type crush on Person B, which Person B knows about and doesn't reciprocate, and Person B has sex with Person A, this is bad and leading-on and so forth.

    2) If both Person A and Person B are just impressed with each other's hotness, and so they have sex, there is no leading-on occurring.

  13. this def sounds like the SATC pilot episode, "having sex like a man." and trust me, you are not the only one with fantasies during inappropriate situations.

  14. Okay, I haven't commented ANYWHERE in ages, but for the love of GAWD I just can't let this one go.

    1) Yes, yes, DOUBLE YES on the sexual peaking. Ahem.

    2) As a woman, I don't think the "leading on" thing applies. Men just don't think that way. Especially if you come across as a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky sort, which you DO. They just take the attention happily and don't overthink. WIN WIN.

    3) Ho-ing. PLEASE. I don't mind admitting, here or anywhere else, that I have a good amount of sexual experience, and in fact many people would have placed me squarely in the HO-ING category at various points in my life. But I am being 100% honest when I say that I don't remotely regret or feel badly about any of it. I find it is much (MUCH!) more common for women to regret NOT having had certain experiences.

    Executive Summary: You are awesome, rock on with your sexy time, ho-ing dramatically underrated


  15. I can tell you even as a guy, the sex gets better the older you get. Sex with a 21 year old female now sounds kind of boring. Like you hinted, the experience and desire probably aren't there. And that's no fun.

  16. I am so glad I read the comments before I posted because I thought I was going to come out all pro-ho'ing and turn off everyone.

    I think Bicep Sex sounds like a fine idea, as Nilsa says, to quiet the beast.

    But problem is, if Biceps is any good, it might make it LOUDER.

  17. Seeing the use of Bicep sex really makes me feel like I got no chance with the ladies cause I have like no Biceps.

    That being said sometimes I feel like being single I should go out and have the free-loving sexual romps that have already been mentioned here, but as a friend told me recently- I'm just not that kind of guy.

    So I battle with my bachelorhood probably the same way you do. I should be able to have some fun but am I also looking for something more?

  18. I may be the worst person to seek advice from ever. I'm the girl forlornly looking at condoms in the Walgreens while filling a prescription.

    Why forlornly you ask? Because I cannot remember the last time I purchased them (and not in a good way). That being said, if you can find someone to ho it up with, I say go for it. Cause then I can live vicariously through you.

    I cannot believe I just said this over the internets....

  19. ho it up!!

    as long as you are practicing safe sex of course.

    and im in the middle of that late twenty's thing too.

  20. I think you should shower before you have sex. You taste funny, hehe

  21. I do have several eff buddies in the past. Damn now I miss them.:P

  22. Hmmm... I'm kind of excited about this. I've always been, like, I enjoy it, but I don't ever actively desperately want IT. Someone, maybe, but not IT, yanno, just cause.

    So I hope you're right! Rawwwr!

  23. Oh geez, don't overthink sex! If you want to have it, have it! Guys do that all the time. You could be like the first episode of SATC when Carrie decides to have sex like a man...

  24. I have heard lots about that whole later peak thing, too, but have yet to really experience it yet. I'm a later bloomer than you are, though, so maybe my peak is still coming?

    Meanwhile, I agree with everyone who's telling you to do what feels good, within reason. Maybe ho-ing it up a wee bit at least once in your life is something we're all supposed to do. :-)

  25. darling , have no fear. I have imagined sex with so man men it's silly and I'm going on QUITE a while now. No harm in fantasy.

  26. As an old lady (43!) I can assure you that my mid-30's were AWESOME! I was done having babies, and done with the worries of having them when I didn't want to be having them. Definitely one of those stages of life where being married is a wonderful thing. (Actually, I think it is wonderful nearly all the time, but I think you KWIM.)

  27. I simply have three words for you:

    Just do IT!

    Perhaps, I indulged a little too much in the pre-marriage days, but there are several perks to this. 1) you know what you like/ want - and when to hold on when you've got a good thing, 2) you sow those wild oats before you walk the aisle, and 3)there are no regrets about, ahem, missed opportunities (and no indulging in opportunites when you shouldn't!)

    This will (hopefully) be the only time you can indulge in such "excess," so enjoy it!

  28. oy! Get a hold of yourself, woman!