December 03, 2008

no grammar = no date

i know this is a personal problem. i know it's because i'm oddly anal about this, given that i'm a pretty laid back person in general. but OH MY EFFING LORD MEN PLEASE LEARN TO USE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. please. do it for me. do it for you. do it so that i can have someone to make out with, because i simply cannot make out with you if your profile contains the following paragraph:
"one thing i try to do is hold chivalry to it's highest standards, even though it seems that in this day and age it's is something that is dyeing out among my pears and fellow man."
that's... a lot of spelling and grammar issues in one sentence. i know my anonymous commenters will show up now to inform me that i'm shallow and a horrible person and whatnot, but... seriously. i don't even care. i recognize that it's a personal problem, and that i'm limiting myself due to my superficial blah blah blah, but... i don't know. i have to have set my standards somewhere, right?

similarly, i starting exchanging emails with another guy who i was pretty sure wasn't going to be The One, but seemed like a fun guy. he was cute, and i figured we'd at least get along and probably have a fun date, at a bare minimum. but then i got this email, in response to one from me saying i'd been at the giants game:
"I hope it was not to cold for you. Im glad the big blue came threw."

....aaaaand all of a sudden i'm not interested. i know it's not fair of me. i know completely failing to grasp the english language doesn't make you a bad person. but.. um.. i think it makes you a bad person for ME.

some women have salary requirements in a man; i just have english language requirements.

note: i should clarify that this doesn't apply to typos, or occasional misspellings, or lax grammar on blogs or whatever. i certainly don't have perfect grammar, and i'm a pretty crappy speller overall. but i'll go back and reread and an entry later and be all "omg, how embarrassing, i forgot the apostrophe there!" i do not get the impression that these dudes are aware of any errors in their prose... and therein lies the problem.

35 comments:

Raven said...

Good thing for me, I'm not trying to make out with you! Reading my blog must make you cringe at times; I know it does me, when I go back to re-read it and see all my mistakes :)

Deutlich said...

dude! i literally chuckled out loud when reading that.

Jess said...

I have the same requirements. And honestly, it's good to have them up front, because if you were like, no, that's ridiculous, I'll get over it and go out with him anyway, at some point he'd end up accusing you of being a grammar snob. And maybe it's true, but at least you'd be RIGHT.

lfar said...

oh looooord AGREED AGREED AGREED. One time somebody wrote me letter telling me basically he was in love with me and it was so fun of errors that I couldn't even take it as a compliment. The occasional slip up is fine, but when it's actually like, NO, he doesn't even know that he sounds like an idiot! Then that's a big no-go.

Marie said...

Oh ya. We all have our requirements. Cleanliness is big one for me. If a guy has nasty finger nails, I'm automatically turned off.

And yes, bad grammar is a turn off.

Dynamita said...

I'm that way too. It's important for me that a person reads, and with reading comes the good grammar and spelling. So there. I am with you. (Btw, English is my second language so please excuse my grammar here! I have an excuse!)

I also agree with the above commenter that you can't pretend it doesn't bother you. For some it is the financials, for others the spelling.

Hotch Potchery said...

I have been trying to come up with something funny to write about "pears and fellow man."

I am stumped...I know there is a hilarious joke within those words somewhere, but I think Dayquil is blocking it from escaping my brain.

moo said...

You have STANDARDS. There's nothing wrong with that!

And while we're on the subject, can we discuss the difference between LOSE and LOOSE? GOOD LORD.

Tyler said...

I agree with you as well... This is a big sticking point with me. But for some reason, I think that careless grammar is more of an issue with men than it is with women. I am not quite sure why. It is good that you can admit that it is a deal breaker for you!

TMC said...

I absolutely, positively agree and don't you dare shirk your standards because you are SPOT ON. Also, in general, I would similarly avoid men who use the phrase "in this day and age" as it is painfully cliche.

You be careful out there, miss!

Branden Williams said...

I are a college graduarte!

Thomas said...

Here I was, about to ask you out on a date and stuff.

Pickles and Dimes said...

You need this.

So@24 said...

What are these guys thinking?? Seriously. Seriously.

This is what I'm up against!?

Shelly Overlook said...

You are so right to have these standards. I mean, yes, everyone makes casual typos, grammar errors. But as for the guy who had that on his profile - uh, if it is something as important as a profile, don't you think you'd check and re-check and re-check it? I mean, it isn't as if it's an IM conversation where errors abound. I would have been turned off by the second guy as well. I mean, most of those errors are so 5th grade stuff, right? Basic English usage that at 20+ years of age you should have down pat. I'm a snob that way, though.

Alexa said...

hey we all have our standards, i totally get it!

and the search continues

ccr in MA said...

"...aaaaand all of a sudden i'm not interested."

I am SO with you! It isn't even a conscious thought, it's a reaction. It would drive me insane. That is just my thing, and there's no getting around it.

Cheryl said...

Well it IS true that pears aren't very chivalrous. Peaches on the other hand. They are just old-fashioned, gallant romantics.

PS>I have the same reaction. Not only because it indicates a difference between us, but because that many typos hints at a bit of laziness, in my opinion.

Stefanie said...

What's sad is that is not even the WORST that I have seen! Sigh. I have thought every one of those thoughts, so I'm certainly not chastising you.

Everyone assumes that because of what I do, I'm a huge grammar snob with unrealistic standards. The truth is that like you, I know the difference between a dumb guy who doesn't know any better and a smart guy who's just typing quickly. I can give a pass to the latter, but the former? No. I learned early on in this process that dumb on paper usually does translate to dumb in person. Unfortunate, but true. And I am not going to be attracted to or challenged intellectually by a dumb guy. Someone else might be. I am not.

Stick to your standards, sister!

NeverEZme said...

And this comes from a woman that hates to capitalize!?!?!? j/k LOL

Anonymous said...

i doubt that you could pass my requirements :)

kcinnova said...

So what do you have against tree fruit and tie-dye? LOL

And the 2nd one? Nice until the last word... it left me thinking of puking (as in, threw up). Maybe if he sent another with perfect grammar/spelling, he would deserve a 2nd chance? or not.

I won't dis you for having standards. After all, this is something you'd have to put up with in every e-mail from him!

(This from someone who spent 20 years teaching her dh the difference between then and than)

Nilsa said...

You're making me relive my match.com days all over again. I can't tell you how many guys got the ax because they couldn't differentiate between their/there and your/you're. And it wasn't just a one-time mistake. Over and over again. Buh bye!

3carnations said...

Considering that we're having a battle at home about the word "often", I don't think I could do that 10 times a day with different words each day.

Hubby understands my love of grammar, and every once in a while emails me with an inappropriate use of "it's" as a joke. Seriously. We joke with bad grammar,

kirida said...

This is so funny. If I were dating, chronic grammar problems would be a definite dealbreaker. I once dated a guy who couldn't get your and you're straight and he didn't care about fixing it. That was enough for me!

Amber said...

I hate when stuff dyes my pears. The aftertaste is just gross.

As you know, since I am a word nerd, there's no WAY these guys would have passed muster (or mustard, if you happen to be one of those guys) with me. Typos, ok. The rest? NOOOOO.

pseudostoops said...

Yes, and amen.

SLynnRo said...

I'm with you on the first one, but the second could be a legit typo. Send him an email that requires he use to/too correctly.

Anonymous said...

Dear Alice,
You are spot on with the spelling.
I makes sense that a litmus for you is how well (not good) a man spells. How a person spells tells a lot about their background.
I misspell a lot when texting or emailing (for fun), but never to someone that I would be trying to court.

Not sure why you are wasting your time doing eHarmony/Match.com or any other dating service. You are a very desirable woman (smart, athletic, interesting, etc) and should not have any problem meeting guys out and about.

i sure do enjoy reading your blog.

By the way, your clarification was very funny (I had to re-read it several times and then caught on that you do have a sense of humor).

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BeckEye said...

That is not shallow. I'm totally the same way. It's certainly less shallow than not wanting to go out with someone because of the way they look, or how much they weigh, or how tall they are, etc. Those are all superficial reasons. Caring about someone's ability to speak and spell is more about what's inside! (Well, their head, not their heart, obviously. But still. It's inside.)

Hannah Grace said...

I think your totally in the realm of ok..
Poor grammar shows a lack of intelligence (or at least it can) and hey what turns you off turns you off.Although I can't say my grammar is impeccable by any means :)

Valentina said...

that entry PEAKED my interest.

mmmmmmm PEARSSSSSSSSSS

kilax said...

That would TOTALLY turn me off as well. A small error, fine. But no comprehension of the english language? NOT FINE!

sid said...

Ha ha ha. I'm the exact same way. I can't fall for a guy who doesn't use punctuation and simply has one run on sentence. A guy who doesn't know the difference between a pun and irony is also off my list. I can't help it. That's just the way I am.