this week's WWC was supposed to be temporary and permanent... which i clearly did not ever post here. i didn't take any pictures for it, to be honest, and while it was partly laziness, it was partly because i was struggling more with the words than i would have liked.
when i started thinking about what i could shoot for those two words, my immediate reaction, with a laugh, was that virtually EVERYTHING in my life is temporary. but it got dramatically less funny when i realized that my kneejerk reaction was actually sort of true, and that i was having a really hard time coming up with something permanent in my life. and that, ha ha, that's not actually very funny.
it's been a pretty rough year for me, all things considered, which of course means it's only been rough in the context of a middle-class sob story (tm tessie), but still. rough for ME. and a lot it has to do with things i had become comfortable with - things i had started taking for granted as welcome, permanent additions to my life - being pulled out from under my feet. people, relationships, friendships, even financial security (thanks, cat)... all things i'd gotten used to, and all hilariously ephemeral. my living situation is inherently untenable, considering i have an expensive 2-bedroom apartment and transient roommates; my company is in the process of selling off the piece of the business i'm in; i have no idea what my life will look like 2 months from now, let alone a year from now. the hard part there, i think, is that up until recently i DID think i had a glimpse of how the next few months would play out. but it's been wiped away like an etch-a-sketch, without any new drawing yet in its place.
but then i have weekends like last, and friends who show up for much-needed thursday night margaritas, and cats who are now healthy and do a lot of very therapeutic purring when i get home. so i'm in no way delusional that my life sucks, or anything quite that dramatic... but i do think i could do with a little more consistency. and would very much like to go the rest of the year without having another support structure drop out from under me. and while i would like to have someone i trust help me plan my next drawing on the etch-a-sketch, i need to buck up, do this one on my own, and be able to look back proudly at my work when it's time to erase this installment and start a new one.
you rock, lady
ReplyDeleteThis post is so eloquent. You are doing so well. You DESERVE consistency. I hope you get it soon.
ReplyDeleteAlso, we should hang out soon. Something involving alcohol and not paper-cutting. Just a thought.
If ANYONE deserves consistency that would definitely be you. I'm crossing my fingers and sending you lots of happy thoughts, hoping all the good bits and pieces in your life come together for some much needed comfort.
ReplyDeletelots of hugs
Great post, ma dear! Seriously. I think the great thing about difficult times is it allows us to reflect and right any other wrongs. I have a feeling, in a year from now, you will look back and realize how much you've grown in this one year. So, hang in there - I know if you keep at it, you'll arrive to that place of consistency (though, let's hope it not be a place of complacency).
ReplyDeletewell said. The things that we take for granted and the things we just don't NEED.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping the end of the year is better than the start has been!
Well said. Best wishes to you, sweetie. You definitely deserve some good luck soon.
ReplyDeleteHmm, IMHO, the only thing permanent in this life is yourself.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this post, Alice. You seem to be approaching your rough patch with just the right attitude.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember, all of us are here to help.
Hey now.... buck up girlie pants. It's not all that bad.
ReplyDeleteCall me next week and I'll give you some inspiration.
I went through a similar period just after law school. I was totally lost and felt like I had no plan. And things worked out just fine (and in a manner I didn't really expect). They will for you too.
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome - and THAT, my friend, is permanent. You have done an admirable job of soldiering through the hard stuff this year and come out with humor and for that you should be proud.
ReplyDeleteYay Alice! And yay for fuzz therapy!
This is a really great post :)
ReplyDelete