April 18, 2008

happy effing friday

you guys, it has BEEN A DAY so far. it's gorgeous and sunny and 75 outside - and friday! - and yet i am HAVING A DAY that is counteracting all that awesome, which is pissing me off even more because gah! beautiful sunny friday! i should be happy and relaxed, right?

i've been having a hard week anyway, what with the double-duty at work while covering for my coworker. and then this morning in particular started out poorly when my normal 35 minute commute inexplicably took an hour and a half. anyone local-ish to dc will be familiar with the hell that is tyson's corner, which is unfortunately located directly between my house and my office. so normally i plod along through tysons until breaking free on the west side and zipping the rest of the way to work; this morning it took ONE HOUR to traverse the approximately 4 mile stretch, for NO APPARENT REASON. there is no snow; there was no accident; the lights were not out. WTF, PEOPLE. then when i did show up at work (an hour late) my computer gave me about 45 bratty minutes of hell before deigning to work. dear computer, i know we've been over this before? but I HATE YOU.

then. ha, oh then. so karl still hasn't paid me for his half of march utilities. i also still have one small box of his stuff that i need to send him, but whereas normally i would have put it in the mail last week and been done with this, i had a sneaking suspicion i wasn't going to see any cash for the utilities... so i held on to the box for the time being. wisely, as it turns out, since HEY NO CHECK. last night, i finally sent him an email asking if he'd had a chance to mail the check, and that as soon as i had that i'd drop his box in the mail asap.

i got an email back saying he hadn't mailed the check because he wants me to pro-rate his portion of the cable bill for the last week of the month. PRO-RATE. ONE HALF. OF THE CABLE BILL. FOR FIVE DAYS. because after he LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN, and i MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE for a week because he didn't have the grace to do so himself, i also cruelly unplugged my modem and router and put them in my (locked) room so he wouldn't feel free to take those with him when he left. i actually did the math this morning, just to see what sort of cash we're talking about here. the cable bill was about $100, so his half was $50. divide that by 31 days in march... multiply that times the 5 days he was there without cable.. oh, hey, what do we have?


i told him that since i didn't prorate the electricity or water bill for the week *i* did not use either of those, maybe he should just go ahead and call it even.

dear weekend: TIME FOR YOU TO START, KTHX.


  1. karl is such a DOUCHE

    I cannot believe that he's whining about $8.06. I bet he just wanted to use the word prorate because it made him feel smart and he hadn't actually done the math to see what an effing dumbass he'd look like.

    He is shameless.

  2. Ha ha...Hillary's comment just about says it all.

    Oh, and it's a beautiful day in my neighborhood too. And wonder of all wonders, it's actually NOT supposed to rain all weekend.

  3. I would prorate your portion of the electricity and water for when you were gone and then email him with that amount and add a P.S. GO TO HELL at the end.

    Eight dollars. Give me a break. You should add to that your cost of postage for the box of HIS crap that YOU'RE spending YOUR money on to mail to HIM.

  4. What a petty, simple-minded jerkface. I want you to shred his stuff before you mail it back to him with a note inside that says "How's that for pro-rating??"

    Sorry you are having a rough day - hope your weekend is fab!! ~LA

  5. Not that I'm one full of vengence, but I think you should *accidentally* post Karl's email address. And then your loyal bloggy friends will *accidentally* start spamming him. Or better yet, we'll sign him up for all sorts of uncouth newsletters. It'd make my weekend - what about yours?

    *hug ya*

  6. your response was perfect, a classy way of telling him, essentially: "dear idiot-head, if you want me to prorate for you, i will expect you to prorate for me and i suspect that you will come out worse off if we do that. please remove head from ass. toodles, alice."

    at least it's sunny and warm!

  7. Don't forget to pro-rate your rent for those 5 days too. Plus any expenses you incurred as a result of having to stay elsewhere.

    Don't even be a jerk about it. Just type it all out neatly and submit it to him and add it to his balance (minus the 8 dollars of course.)

  8. Ugh...

    When you have mornings like this in the future, it's a sign that you're not supposed to go to work. Call in sick and tell your boss to call me and I'll explain everything.

  9. Hey Karl, YOU ARE A TWATWAFFLE! (see my post today for where that came from)

    Sorry honey. You should not still be having to deal with that sad crap.

    I am in a craptastic mood as well and the weather (now) is gorg. It's like insult to injury.

  10. If you want to just call the situation over, give him the $8.06 - In the form of a bag full of pennies that he can pick up from your porch, so you don't have to mail it.

  11. I'm so sorry, honey.

    Here's hoping the rest of your weekend is SO MUCH better than today! (and that the nice weather holds!)

  12. He certainly is...something, alright. I like the pennies idea. Love it, in fact. Only I would add it to his box of stuff and send it C.O.D.

    So I hope you have a great weekend!

  13. Wow. Karl sounds like a real douche. Want me to throw my phone at his face?

  14. Wow. I mean, wow. For eight dollars, he was willing to give up that much of the respect and good feeling you might have retained for him, as well as that much inarguable assery: I mean, NO ONE can say he's right about this. Even his big fans would be squirming awkwardly.

    I'd give him the eight bucks uncomplainingly and sans pranks/retaliation: he has definitely earned it, and your own behavior costs a lot more than that.

  15. I was telling this baby about Karl, and here's what she thinks of him.

  16. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this. What a dirtbag. Here's to hoping your weekend is only awesome and all works out well for you. As for him, maybe he'll fall down the sewer and join the creeps he belongs with (otherwise known as rats).

  17. Jesus Christ, that man is a PIECE OF FUCKING WORK, eh?

  18. Hmmm my comment didn't show up, but ya ...


    and tell him since you've had to ask a few times you will turn it over to collections so it shows on his credit report.

    Or hide his stuff and make it like a big scavenger hunt in a really bad part of town.

    Hot Karl ... truly the urband dictionary definition.


  19. Um, wow. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. What a jerk.

  20. What a shitty Friday! I hope your weekend got a whole heap better.

  21. Well, it's Sunday so I'm hoping your weekend turned out great. I HATE Fridays that start off really sucky.