shoes, interrupted

i feel like i'm losing my mind.

i feel crazy. like a crazy person. like this is how crazy must feel. how can something this small be enough to make me insane? i can't function right now because i can't find a pair of shoes.

it's an important pair of shoes. it's the only pair of heels i've been able to find since my foot surgery last year that don't make me miserable. the ONLY PAIR. i have ONE PAIR of cute heels that don't make my feet hate life. i need these shoes. i guard these shoes carefully.

i had these shoes on, this morning, but ultimately decided on a different outfit that did not go with black heels. then i carefully put the shoes away, knowing that i had to pack tonight for a wedding this weekend, and knowing that i'd absolutely need those heels tonight because what the hell else am i going to wear to a wedding? where i need to dance? and can't wear sneakers? clearly these heels. so i took the extra step of putting them in my closet, because my roommate's dog sometimes drags around shoes and i couldn't have that happen today, because i knew i'd need to have both shoes available tonight. to pack. so i put them in my closet, and made a mental note about how thoughtful i was to do so because obviously i need those shoes this weekend.

they are no longer in my closet.

WHAT. THE HELL.

no one in the house says they did anything with my shoes. the only two girls here right now don't even have the same size feet as me, and one is my roommate's MOM. there is no evidence that the dog somehow learned to open closet doors. it's not like one shoe is tattered, out in the hallway and the other is dragged downstairs. they're not under my bed, in my bathroom, behind the tv, under my desk, on my bookshelf, in my covers, or anywhere in my closet. NEITHER SHOE IS ANYWHERE IN MY ROOM.

what am i supposed to make of this? when i made a point of putting them away just 14 hrs ago? insanity is starting to look like my only option.

the other problem, aside from my apparently poor grasp on reality, is that now i am completely lost. unable to pack. what the hell am i supposed to wear now? I ONLY HAVE ONE PAIR OF HEELS that are a viable option. i no longer have these heels. i am paralyzed.

what if they don't turn up? i can't imagine i'll come home after this weekend and ha, ha! they were sitting under my bed this whole time! where i've looked EIGHTY FIVE TIMES ALREADY! hilarious! because honestly, i know i left them in my room. they are no longer in my room. should i expect them back in my room at some point? after the aliens are done running tests on them??

so. it's just a pair of shoes. but it's not just a pair of shoes. i am distraught, then get annoyed because come on, it's shoes, but DUDE it's not just a pair of shoes.

i'll check in next week from the pysch ward. have a good weekend. i won't be wearing my heels.