"if i have to get surgery, i can't move for, like, a whole week while my bones set."
"what about getting up to go to the bathroom?"
"oh. um."
"you can use a bedpan!"
"i am so not using a bedpan"
"no, you'll totally have to use a bedpan. what else are you going to do, cut a whole in the middle of your bed and crap on the floor?"
"I AM NOT USING A BEDPAN."
"i'd even change your bedpan for you."
"I AM NOT USING A BEDPAN!!"
"why not?"
"because... because no. just no. i'll... i dunno. use depends."
"i am NOT changing your diaper."
"well I'M not taking a crap while you hold a pan under my ass."
"maybe you should just have a liquid diet that week so you don't have to crap in the bedpan."
"I AM NOT USING A BEDPAN!"
"no, seriously, i mean, if you can't walk, what other option do you have? you're just going to have to watch what you eat that week so i don't mind changing the pan."
"STOP TALKING ABOUT BEDPANS. SERIOUSLY. I WILL NOT USE A BEDPAN. EVER. AUGH. I WILL WALK TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM."
"but then that will probably ruin the surgery. looks like a bedpan it is."
"I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT BEDPANS ANY MORE."
we're so romantic.
Ok, Alice... um, I know this whole bedpan thing has one of you freaked out - but may I ask who is having surgery? Are you ok? (Although the fact that you blog so frickin HILARIOUSLY about the bedpan indicates you probably are...) ;)
ReplyDeletelol I'm with that I wouldn't use a bed pan either
ReplyDeletewho is the bedpan-ee??
ReplyDeleteYes, I am wondering who is the one who may need that bedpan. Hilarious conversation, by the way! lol
ReplyDelete*L* they miss the point I think. This was in public?
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching and vaguely nauseating story, Alice!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with which ever way you decide to 'go'! :)
ReplyDeleteJeez, what have I been missing?? This is funny!
ReplyDeleteLOL. That's when you know it's true love.
ReplyDeletePedpans have to be one of the weirdest things to have to use ever. I had appendicitis...no fun I tell you.
ReplyDeleteBut if someone is willing to hold your bedpan for you...that's lurv!
-N
Awww. Young love...
ReplyDeleteI don't think I could use a bedpan. Seriously.
ReplyDeletefor the people worrying about peeing, they have catheters for that, I seen 'em (which would be pretty cool Alice. You should be down with that part, anyway. It's like a reverse IV!) As for the pooping... bedpans ARE disgusting. And there's no way I'd change yours. No way. That's what nurses are paid for. In grade 8 though, my friend broke his leg and had to pee in a jar and I dumped it in the toilet for him. That's what friends are for, but when it comes to poo, all bets are off.
ReplyDeletepoooooooop