January 09, 2006

i, uh, don't know the people having this conversation. really.

"if i have to get surgery, i can't move for, like, a whole week while my bones set."

"what about getting up to go to the bathroom?"

"oh. um."

"you can use a bedpan!"

"i am so not using a bedpan"

"no, you'll totally have to use a bedpan. what else are you going to do, cut a whole in the middle of your bed and crap on the floor?"

"I AM NOT USING A BEDPAN."

"i'd even change your bedpan for you."

"I AM NOT USING A BEDPAN!!"

"why not?"

"because... because no. just no. i'll... i dunno. use depends."

"i am NOT changing your diaper."

"well I'M not taking a crap while you hold a pan under my ass."

"maybe you should just have a liquid diet that week so you don't have to crap in the bedpan."

"I AM NOT USING A BEDPAN!"

"no, seriously, i mean, if you can't walk, what other option do you have? you're just going to have to watch what you eat that week so i don't mind changing the pan."

"STOP TALKING ABOUT BEDPANS. SERIOUSLY. I WILL NOT USE A BEDPAN. EVER. AUGH. I WILL WALK TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM."

"but then that will probably ruin the surgery. looks like a bedpan it is."

"I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT BEDPANS ANY MORE."


we're so romantic.

17 comments:

  1. Ok, Alice... um, I know this whole bedpan thing has one of you freaked out - but may I ask who is having surgery? Are you ok? (Although the fact that you blog so frickin HILARIOUSLY about the bedpan indicates you probably are...) ;)

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  2. Is it the person holding the bed pan that's the issue, I'm sure there are lots of guys that will hold your bedpan while you poop!!!

    Some might even poop in it for you!

    ~Jef

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  3. lol I'm with that I wouldn't use a bed pan either

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  4. who is the bedpan-ee??

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  5. Um....

    Boy I sure had a lot of reading to do to catch up on your posts....

    yeah....

    :o)

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  6. Yes, I am wondering who is the one who may need that bedpan. Hilarious conversation, by the way! lol

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  7. *L* they miss the point I think. This was in public?

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  8. What a touching and vaguely nauseating story, Alice!

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  9. I've never had surgery before, but I think they insert a tube in you to get all that stuff out, don't they? I never understood bedpans, because wouldn't you have to get up to use a bedpan too? I mean you can't really go to the bathroom laying down - at least we ladies can't. This post raises so many questions! My mind is aflutter!

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  10. yeah me too.. I never understood the uses of a bedpan.. I mean.. my pee flys out.. it dosent trickle down..

    I just dont get it..

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  11. Good luck with which ever way you decide to 'go'! :)

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  12. Jeez, what have I been missing?? This is funny!

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  13. LOL. That's when you know it's true love.

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  14. Pedpans have to be one of the weirdest things to have to use ever. I had appendicitis...no fun I tell you.

    But if someone is willing to hold your bedpan for you...that's lurv!

    -N

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  15. I don't think I could use a bedpan. Seriously.

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  16. for the people worrying about peeing, they have catheters for that, I seen 'em (which would be pretty cool Alice. You should be down with that part, anyway. It's like a reverse IV!) As for the pooping... bedpans ARE disgusting. And there's no way I'd change yours. No way. That's what nurses are paid for. In grade 8 though, my friend broke his leg and had to pee in a jar and I dumped it in the toilet for him. That's what friends are for, but when it comes to poo, all bets are off.

    poooooooop

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