the almighty alice, bringer of havoc and destruction

i have come to the very disturbing conclusion that i bring sweeping destruction wherever i go, like some sort of evil disastery phenomenon. this in some way makes sense, as it validates my long-held belief that the world revolves entirely around me. this proves it, although in a less .. er.. positive... way than i would have liked. however, considering that the swath of destruction never actually INVOLVES me - i always escape unscathed - i think that just goes to show that the world does, in fact, revolve around me: since i'm clearly the most important person around, i can't get knocked off so early in the story. but all the action centers around me. except it's, uh, bad action.

exhibit A: my work history

when i was 16, i worked in a cafe called "totally wired." it was around the advent of cyber-cafes, except this was an entire cyber-restaurant. i was hired as a "technical assistant," but due to financial constraints they cut the whole technical staff within weeks of my being there. i was kept on a server, but left the job when school started back up. the restaurant shut down about 2 months later.

when i was 18, i worked at another shop downtown, an outdoorsy supply store called "colorado." they seemed to be doing pretty ok, but i found out after i went back to college in the fall that the entire national chain liquidated by christmas.

my last job was at usairways. they declared chapter 11 twice during the 2.5 years i was employed there, and were recently bought out by america west. everyone there is either being let go or transfered to tempe, arizona.

my current company is doing ok, buuut is in some financial trouble and has been getting a lot of bad press. i think we all know how this will end ;-P

exhibit B: it's not just that i pick bad companies, i swear

lest you think i just have really ridiculously bad judgement about where to work (which, ok, is not the greatest, but it's not like i GO to companies that are openly advertising financial distress) i offer the following examples:

after graduation, my college roommate moved to japan to teach english for a few years. what could be better than an excuse to go to asia!? i started making plans to go visit her. until oops! remember SARS? yeah. parents effectively theatened ritual suicide if i kept on with my plans, so i cancelled. i did get to go the next year, but still. note emerging trend: i plan to go somewhere - disaster strikes.

while at usairways, i decided one winter to realize my dream to go to eastern europe, and starting planning a trip to istanbul, turkey. until... remember those suicide bombings? in 2003? trip to turkey: cancelled. alice's destination: suddenly not a good place to be.

one of my good friends from highschool recently moved abroad to live with her european boyfriend, and i've had a trip planned for months now to go visit her. i'll give you two guesses as to which major european city they live in. here's a hint... it starts with P and ends in ARIS. suprised? i'm not. FLAMES AND RIOTERS. in a city that is SO NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A DANGEROUS DESTINATION. why? because, clearly, i have decided to go there. and the world revolves around me, and i bring destruction.

sorry, paris. my bad.

to sum up: i work somewhere? the company dies. i plan a trip somewhere? so far i've brought disease epidemics, bombings, and rioting. i'm like a biblical plague. except, you'll note, i was never AT these companies when they folded, and i have not been IN these countries when disaster struck. i = immune because i = the center of the world. obviously. so you should all reeeallly hope i don't plan a trip out to see you, like, ever. or work for your company. i wonder if i can harness this power? it would be pretty awesome if i could hex people who pissed me off...