The final countdowwwnnn

Hi! It's nearly baby time here!

38 weeks and headed to the pool. I do have a maternity bathing suit but my belly was literally too large for it.

I did take off the socks eventually. 

I have an induction date set for next week at about 39 1/2 weeks, because it turns out that the sono confirmed not just the extra fluid sitch and that I have a bit of a porker in there, but also that the doctors are "concerned" about the size of this kid's head. By which they mean my ability to get said head out of me with one or both of us remaining intact, if I let him cook much longer. So that's super reassuring and I can't wait to see what that means for my labor and delivery! Haha! (weep)

In the meantime, I have finally reached the "OK, this is finally getting pretty not ideal" stage of pregnancy. But dudes, it took all the way to 38 weeks this time! That's not bad. And it's still only small potato complaints compared to last time. When I get up from the couch these days, my hips and lower back need about 30 seconds to resolve into a non-spasming mess, until which time I waddle-shuffle like a 90 year old lady. But I mean... the spasms do stop and then I'm fine. I can still bend down and lean over and pick up Juliette. My ankles remain normal sized. Things are fine, is what I'm saying.

The only two real complaints with this late-stage pregnancy have been that same pain under my ribs again, and heartburn to end all heartburn. Like, wake up with stabbing chest pains, dart frantically out of meetings to acquire Tums level heartburn. But dude, it turns out Tums are MAGICAL. How can that little disc of flavored chalk stop heartburn pain SO immediately and so effectively!? It's astounding! However, after strongly considering DIYing some sort of ill-advised hip holster for my Tums bottle to make sure I had them nearby at all times, it occurred to me that perhaps there is some sort of upper limit to the number of Tums one should consume daily. So I googled it and.. well. The suggested max per day was the MINIMUM I was consuming. Every day. So my OB gently suggested I pick up a bottle of Pepcid instead and just take 2 of those a day, and HOLY COW THIS STUFF IS EVEN BETTER THAN TUMS, YOU GUYS! I haven't taken ANY Tums at all since my new Pepcid love affair. I love problems that are solved this easily.

Less compliant is this pain in my upper abs. Last pregnancy, I thought it was my abs literally ripping apart because that is legit what it feels like. It's awful. However! This time around I'm seeing a different chiropractor, and when the pain started several weeks ago she explained that it's actually due to my ribs being compressed by my giant child. The muscles start to spasm because my ribs are out of place, and the fascia between my ribs gets.. bad? angry? stuck? I'm not sure. But earlier in my pregnancy she'd do an adjustment, then spend some time aggressively massaging the fascia between my ribs to loosen it back up and have it chill out. It hurt, but it was a good hurt, and was super worth it because it definitely helped keep the overall pain level way down.

The problem now is that the child has apparently compressed my ribs to a point where she can't fit her fingers between them to massage out the angry fascia any more. So she can give me an adjustment, and use a tool to poke around in between my smushed ribs a bit, and do some e-stim, but it's not quite as effective as it was when she was manually manipulating the heck out of that space every 2 weeks to try and de-anger it.  But it's STILL better than last pregnancy, because I am still getting some form of treatment for it (and started much earlier on the treatment) and now I am retroactively so bummed that I accepted that much pain last time around when it turns out it was something I maybe could have alleviated a little more. Oh well.

Long story short, I am a day shy of 39 weeks and I still feel better than I did for my entire 3rd trimester last time, and I am incredibly appreciative of that. I still even work out ("work out") once a week! (I mean. I basically stretch and do some balance work and then strength train my arms and back. BUT STILL.)

I did finally pack a hospital bag, and make a list of things I should probably write down more formally on a "birth preferences" card for the nurses (I don't write a Birth Plan because I firmly believe the one thing you can be 100% sure of for birth is that you can't plan what happens), and the baby's room is mostly ready. My mom is coming down this weekend so we have someone to stay with Juliette when we head to the hospital Tuesday night for the induction prep. (I'll be curious to see if the prep meds put me into active labor again this time around!) Now we just need to settle on a name for this kid and by this time next week, we'll be a 2-child household (!!!)

Doh.

I had some pretty (now-hilarious) grand plans to use this blog as Juliette's de facto baby album, since using an ACTUAL baby album didn't seem likely for me. But.. uh... yeah. I clearly did a SUPER GREAT JOB with that.

And now I'm a few weeks away from popping out another one.

And in the meantime, Juliette has grown into a very independent, very hilarious, and very on-the-go almost 18 month old:

(She is also eating or drinking in nearly every picture I have of her, since that is when she is most likely to be still enough for a non-blurry photo.)

(Also she still FREAKING LOVES eating. She eats everything! I know it won't last, but for now it's still so fun - she demands in on anything adults are eating in front of her, will try virtually everything, and then actually enjoys like 90% of it. She has eaten [and enjoyed] foie gras, beef tartare, octopus, eel, truffled quail eggs.. it's silly. And awesome.)

I don't know the best way to recap 18 or so months into one blog post, so I guess we'll just do some highlights from the past few months? Eesh. I'm so sorry, future kid[s] looking for details on your childhood[s]...

So! I left off at around 5 months. Juliette learned to sit up quite early, especially given that the weight of those cheeks probably made her awfully top heavy.

She was crawling by 6 months... but only backwards. So she got stuck under furniture a lot.

Once she figured out forwards though, it was on!

 ..except that almost immediately thereafter, she decided that bipdal was the only truly acceptable position for getting from point A to point B. Cue many months hunched over with sore backs while tiny fists gripped our fingers and Juliette stomped purposefully around, gleefully upright:

(I believe she had a grand total of like 3.5 teeth there, but still went to town on that corn on the cob)

The photo below doesn't serve a particular purpose in advancing this narrative, it's just a favorite from around this time.

Anyway! By around 11 months, she had had enough of our fingers and was tottering drunkenly around on her own like a fiend.

Then when she was 13 months old, in early October, we took her to Europe!

We had no idea what to expect from that trip and/or how bad of an idea it was going to be, but it was actually great. Baby jetlag is indeed terrible and should not be underestimated (especially since we were staying in places that were not compatible with any sort of cry it out methodology, so we had to just... stay awake with her so she wouldn't scream for the full two hours during which her little body was convinced it was Awake Time in the middle of the night).

But despite the jetlag excitement for the first several night, she did GREAT in terms of flexibility - we dropped her morning nap cold turkey in favor of touring around Paris each morning; she ate anything, anywhere, whenever we needed her to; we took a side trip to the Netherlands for a few days and she handled that like a champ; she really did sleep well, all things considered, AND even went back to her normal sleeping scheduled after just a day or two of adjustment once back in the States.

Back in the states, here she is at 14 months playing piano with one of her many boyfriends, William:

And then it was Halloween! I was *determined* to use my now-showing pregnancy as a component of a costume, since this will (in theory) be the only Halloween of my life during which I will be pregnant. So Juliette and I played up our respective bellies and went as truck driving rednecks. Clearly the obvious choice.

OK we should really speed things up here. Christmas happened again! It remains delightful with babies, especially since my MIL continues to outfit Juliette in hilarious/fantastic Santa themed outfits for the occasion:

Meanwhile, now, at nearly-18-months, she is talking non-stop. The only problem is we can only understand about 15% of it. She has a ton of individual words she can use properly in context. Many of them are food related, shockingly: 'nana, cheese, "ohnj" [orange], "bey" [berry], kakah [cracker]. "Bep," for those pouches of fruits/veggies, for some reason. She declares "CHEEZ" and demands you clink glasses with her (then drinks heartily, and goes "aahhhhh!!"). She has the basics like "mama," "mo" [more] and "bye bye" (although that has now been truncated to one sassy "byeee" more recently), "baw" [ball] and of course "NO!" She also has a weird affinity for accessories, and gets super hyped about 'ocks!!!! every day, as well as shuss! gacket! and hat!! (all of which are said, every time, with at least that many implied exclamation points). She LOVES taking medicine (!?) and calls it "mey-mey." She says "on" clearly, but has this little gutteral noise, like "ock" but with more phlegmy chutzpah, and that is used for virtually every other pronoun (off, out, open) so it's hard to know what she's requesting when she starts chanting it. And meanwhile, she is chattering in what sound like full sentences most of the time, we just have no idea how to decipher most of it.

She says "cat" and calls Oliver and Bella by name, although you have to reeallly know what to listen for with those ("Ah-ya-ya" and "BEH," approximately). She can tell you what sound several animals make, and can point to her eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, ears, belly, and toes when asked. She learned gentle ("gen-teh") very early because of our constant imploring of gentle pets to the cats, and says "peess" and "tack oo" very well - although please only when prompted, and thank you usually preemptively, when she wants something from you. Like she'll hold out a dirty tissue she just blew her nose with while announcing TAHK OO to notify you that you will be taking it from her. So polite. Ha.

And now, she can say "baby" (and knows what one is) and will point to my belly when we ask her where the new baby is... although I doubt she quite understands that a REAL BABY will be joining us, like... permanently.

And so! Speaking of this new baby! This pregnancy has been MILES easier and less fraught than Juliette's, thank the tiny baby jeebus. Although I am no less... giant. This is last week, at 34w.

I am now into week 35 and people have started asking when I'm due (clearly expecting me to say, like, "next week!") and then regularly following up with "OH. Are you sure there's just one in there??!" when I explain that I still have 5+ weeks to go. HAHA SO FUNNY YES YOU'RE TOTALLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S MADE THAT JOKE TODAY HARDY HAR.

(I also had my first aggressive belly-rub this weekend, out of both pregnancies! I went for a pedicure, and one of the nail salon ladies just swooped right in and didn't just like PAT my belly, but was legit RUBBING IT LIKE A LAMP. It was super weird and I did not like it.)

Anyway! I had a sono last week for the first time since... about 25 weeks, I guess? I was having my normal ob checkup and the doctor was measuring/feeling my belly and suddenly goes, "um, how big was your daughter?" When I told him (8 lbs, 10 oz) he nodded knowingly and said, "ah. yeah. you've got another big one in here." That was confirmed by last week's sonogram, which ADDITIONALLY confirmed that I've got another case of the Perhaps Too Much Fluids sloshing around in there, which is irritating because I once again tested negative for gestational diabetes (the usual cause of polyhydramnios) and because they assured me that having poly in my first pregnancy did not make me any more likely to develop it again this time. Meaning that if my fluid levels ARE actually in poly territory again, that would mean I developed it randomly BOTH TIMES despite having a ~2% chance each pregnancy.

I really can't complain though, because even if it is poly, is has presented FAR later in pregnancy this time, and has caused me far less grief. The excessive swelling of my extremities (that started by about 24 weeks last time!) has not been present this time, nor have the near-constant Braxton-Hicks contractions of the last pregnancy. With Juliette those kicked in by 24 weeks as well and were... kind of extreme. I regularly had an hour+ of B-H contractions 5 minutes apart with her. For WEEKS. And there was that awful thing where literally any time I was standing, I was contracting. Just one giant sustained contraction the entire time I was upright. That is not happening this time! It's much better!

This entire pregnancy really has just been... easier. I haven't had as many tests with stressful and questionable outcomes; I haven't been in nearly as much pain & discomfort; and this baby is far less... well, "violent" is the word that comes to mind. Carrying Juliette felt a bit like being assaulted from inside my own body for 10+ months. This just feels like.. I guess it feels like being pregnant. I understand now why most people don't dread pregnancy quite so much. They don't have to be terrible! This is obviously uncomfortable, but it's not this like dramatic Thing I Have To Put Myself Through that is 10 months of suffering.

Let's just hope that baby boy here isn't saving all of his methods of making us suffer until after he's out, I guess :)

Juliette: the birth story

Y'all. This is super long. Read at your own risk.

So! Back when I was still pregnant, the last update I provided was a week out from my due date, when I remained exactly 0cm dilated with what they suspected was a large-ish baby and still an excessive amount of fluid. Turns out not very much changed over the course of that week... or as my due date came and went. I eventually dilated to "maybe 1cm" by a few days after my due date, but stayed stubbornly unprogressed after that, with no indication that my body had any plans to release the baby into the wild any time soon. My doctor decided he couldn't let me go more than 41 weeks with so much fluid kicking around in me, though, so they scheduled an induction for August 19th in case the baby hadn't made an appearance by then.

The baby, of course, did not make anything close to an appearance. I was a giant beached whale of a human by then: it was mid-August, in our disgustingly hot & humid part of the country, I was a week overdue, sore as hell, and still having contractions all the time plus one giant sustained contraction literally any time I was standing up.

I watched a lot of Netflix on the couch that week.

We were instructed to go to the hospital at 9pm the night before, where I would be administered Cervadil. This is basically a very uncomfortable tampon-like device that they jam up into your cervix which contains medication to soften your cervix, if you're one of the lucky ladies whose cervix has not "ripened" on its own and needs medical intervention before it will allow a baby through. For the vast majority of women, the Cervadil just stays in overnight; you don't feel anything (aside from the initial not-super-pleasant insertion, which had me attempting to crab-scuttle my way directly up the wall behind me in what I can only describe as an inadvertent primal fight or flight reflex). Then they pull it out the next morning and start you on pitocin now that your cervix has been brought up to speed. You're encouraged to get a(s) good (a) night's sleep (as possible in a hospital bed) in the meantime since who knows how long labor might last once the pitocin kicks it off? I even initially encouraged Chris to go back home after the Cervadil was administered, since my body was SO far from being ready to let a baby out that it seemed really unlikely that one of the really rare side effects - Cervadil actually kicking off active labor, which happens something like 1-2% of the time - would occur.

I'll give you one guess what happened within 3 hours of getting the Cervadil inserted!

OF COURSE I had the super-rare side effect that practically never happens, because OF COURSE. Luckily, after they jammed the Cervadil in, I told Chris I was maybe kind of sort of having second thoughts about him leaving me all alone in the hospital after all (despite it being my idea in the first place), so he was uncomfortably sprawled on the couch ("couch") next to my bed when, at 1:15am, my contractions had gotten strong enough that I for sure couldn't sleep and started pacing the room to see if that would help make them more manageable.

By 1:30am, I self-evaluated as a 6 on the pain scale... using the hastily modified pain scale in my head that assumed labor was going to be more painful than anything I'd ever experienced. On a pre-labor scale I was probably at an 8. The contractions were coming so quickly that I had no chance to recover between them - as soon as the acute pain of the contraction would start to decrease, super strong pressure would immediately build in my lower pelvis and then ramp up into a new contraction. It was... well, super unpleasant.

The thing is, they had taken the belly monitors off an hour after administering the Cervadil, and then gave me stern warnings that if I put them back on to monitor contractions, I would have to keep them on for the entire rest of labor - so basically, only ask to get the monitors back on if you're SURE something is happening because you're stuck in bed from that point on. And it was only 1:30! Three hours ago they had confirmed that I was still barely 1cm dilated and this baby was pretty much not coming out unless they yanked her out unwillingly... maybe I was just a weakling and these were, like, teensy little baby contractions that were kicking off pre-labor? Maybe they hurt more than I was expecting so I forgot how to tell time and they were actually 10 minutes apart and not two minutes apart, which is what my timing app was clearly telling me? It just didn't seem reasonable that I could be in active labor at this point.

By 2am I gave up though, and asked to be put back on the monitor because I couldn't even stand through the contractions any more, much less walk around. The monitors at least confirmed that I wasn't totally crazy, and my contractions were indeed very strong, and coming every 2 minutes (WTF!). The nurse calmly advised me that if I wanted an epidural any time soon, I should start an IV drip since I'd need to finish a bag before they could even call the anesthesiologist. I was torn - how non-hardy was I, that I was ready for an epidural less than an hour into labor!? On the other hand, GET ME AN EPIDURAL YES PLEASE &^!$^!%@$!&@^%!% OW OW OW OW.

It was around this point that I more or less blacked out from the pain. I don't remember any details of the next two hours, but apparently I spent most of it groaning into Chris's shoulder as the contractions just kept coming, exactly two minutes apart, for TWO HUNDRED YEARS (approx.) until I had finished my IV bag and an anesthesiologist could be located. I got the epidural at 3:45am, and I literally could not tell you if my anesthesiologist was male or female, because I now understood the term "blinded by pain." All I do remember is leaning over so s/he could insert the needle into my spine, and feeling ABSOLUTELY NOTHING because however much it hurts to get a giant needle jammed into your spine is roughly the equivalent of a mosquito bite at that juncture.

By 4am, I was a changed person. I could see! I could use the English language! I could talk! Heck, I could JOKE! EPIDURALS ARE AMAZING EVERYONE IN THE ROOM SHOULD GET ONE YAAAAY I LOVE DRUGS THANK YOU DRUG GOD YOU ARE MY FAVORITE. They suggested I should try to get some sleep now, but while the acute contraction pain was 100% gone (WHAT! HOW! MAGIC! I LOVE YOU DRUGS!) the super intense pressure that built up in my lower pelvis to usher in each contraction was still there, and still happening every 2 minutes like clockwork, so sleep was not exactly in the cards. I actually started to get worried for the baby - like, I know literally every woman who goes into labor has contractions that are specifically designed to push the baby down into the pelvis, but it just felt like I must be CRUSHING her little head against my pelvis. How was this not breaking her??

At 5am I had another cervical check, where I learned I was exactly.... 2cm dilated. Sooo that was kind of a let down. I really am kind of a pansy, it turns out, because I basically blacked out from pain during contractions at only 2cm. I was 90% effaced though, and the contractions were still coming every 2 minutes (I kept getting complimented on how regular they were, as if I had something to do with it) so I was encouraged to sleep again (haha) and they'd check in again later.

By 7:45 I had made it to 5cm and everyone was pleased with my progress - I hadn't been given any pitocin at this point since my contractions certainly didn't need any help, so they were happy to just leave me mostly alone and progress at will. I was on oxygen pretty much full time at this point - the contractions were stressing the baby out just enough that I had to keep an oxygen mask on to keep her calm.

Then, at about 8:45, I felt something... come out.

Now, you may or may not recall that one of the major concerns of polyhydramnios is cord prolapse. This is super super not good and needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY if it happens - like, with an emergency c-section - because the baby's life is instantly in jeopardy. So when I very distinctly felt something push out of me, and when I reached down (as well as I could around my giant-ass belly) to feel around, and felt.. something... squishy? but firm...? I freaked. the. fuck. out.

I started screaming for Chris to get a nurse because SOMETHING IS COMING OUT OF ME OMG GO GO HELP SOMETHING. IS. COMING. OUT. OMFGGGGGGG

Turns out it was my water breaking. Except! I did not know this: there are actually two amniotic sacs, one inside the other. ONE of mine had broken, and the other one was just sort of hanging around, half in and half out, totally intact and full of fluid. Which is what I had poked when I reached down to investigate.

So, the whole polyhydramnios thing? My OB had warned me several weeks prior that if my water broke, I would not be among the women who weren't sure if that was really what had happened, like perhaps I had just peed a little? - that no, it would be EXTREMELY EVIDENT if it happened. And he was not kidding: only HALF my water broke, and every time a new nurse came in, they did a comical double take at the LAKE OF FLUID surrounding my hospital bed. When the doctor came in to assess the situation and ultimately break the second bag (since it was still there, sticking out of me, super in the way of everything) she warmed everyone to stand back because it was going to be... dramatic.

So! The rest of my bag was broken for me using what seriously looked like a medical-grade crochet hook, and a subsequent cervical check revealed that I was at about 8cm and fully effaced. The contractions had yet to let up the every-two-minute pattern so I was advised to keep on keepin' on at that point.

The crazy intense pressure I'd been feeling (every two minutes) in my lower pelvis ramped WAY down with all that extra fluid out of the way and felt much less like I was slowly crushing my baby's skull into pieces against my pelvic bone, which was nice.

By 11:45am I was fully effaced AND fully dilated, but the baby was still a bit high, so they wanted to let my still incredibly regular and strong contractions do some more work to move her down further before I started pushing. I think my doula had arrived by this point and was helpfully feeding me ice chips and reminding me to keep putting the oxygen mask back on, because by this point Juliette was starting to get a bit agitated, requiring full time oxygen and also only allowing me to be in certain positions (eg, on my left side) or else she'd make alarms go off.

At 1pm, they decided circumstances were favorable, and I should start pushing. The only problem was that I had no idea HOW to push. Everyone had explained to me prior to this point that it was a feeling of "bearing down" (or in plainer speak: pooping) but I couldn't quite figure out how to do the equivalent of pooping but focused on the front side of my pelvis. We'd wait for a contraction to start, then I'd start pushing (maybe?) and then afterwards ask the L&D nurse and my doula, "did I do it? Did that work?" because HOW ON EARTH are you supposed to know what it feels like? Also I couldn't really feel much down in that vicinity anyway (STILL LOVE YOU DRUGS, KISSES) so I couldn't tell if what I was doing was having the desired effect. I mean, a baby didn't pop out within 20 minutes, so was I pushing wrong? Pushing badly? Flexing the wrong parts? Actually pooping? I still have no idea.

By 2pm, pushing had not produced a baby, and for the first time in 12 hours my contractions slowed down, coming only every 5 minutes or so. They decided to give me pitocin because WTF body, this is not the time to take a step back, there is a baby IN YOUR DANG BIRTH CANAL waiting to come out. By 2:30, there was still no baby, although apparently her head was visible to everyone on each push, but she kept slipping back behind my pelvic bone between pushes. After this happened a number of times, the doctor very calmly but firmly told me it was time to try a vacuum assist because the baby needed to come out NOW. And if it didn't work, I would need an emergency c-section.

This is exactly the reason I wanted a doula there. I immediately looked at her, panicked, because vacuum assist? Emergency c-section? Is this what needs to happen now and should I be scared? She squeezed my hand, told me it would be fine and that I could do it. So I nodded at the doctor, and she started gathering the vacuum tools.

The way it actually works it kind of nuts - they literally stick a suction cup up your business and attach it to the baby's skull. It was very good that I had an epidural already.  Then when I pushed, the doctor would pull on the suction cup at the same time. She warned me that if the suction cup popped off, she could only attach it twice more; if it came off a third time, that was when the emergency c-section would come into play. She rammed a hand up my lady bits and attached the cup; we waited for a contraction; I pushed; she pulled. The suction cup popped off.

Take two: attach; contract; push; pull... pop.

Take three, HAHA NO PRESSURE JUST IF THIS DOESN'T WORK YOU GET AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION: attach; contract; push; pull; PUSH PUSH KEEP PUSHING AGAIN AGAIN PUSH PUSH and all of a sudden I understood the pooping analogy because it honestly suddenly felt like the most terrifyingly large and painful poop in the world was stuck halfway out of my body and OW OW GET IT OUT I SWEAR I'M PUSHING AGAIN GET OUT and suddenly we had a baby.

She arrived at 3pm and was 8lb 10oz, 22" inches long, and (I found out later) scored very well on her Apgars. 

She also somehow managed to poop all over me, the bed, my gown, and several pieces of equipment within minutes of her birth. It was kind of impressive.

Day 2

Day 157 (5 months, 4 days)

Baby! I had one! Here she is!

Y'all! We made a human!

Please meet Juliette, who came into this world a very expressive baby. 

She was 8lbs 10oz and 22" long upon arrival. And unfortunately for me, with a head in the 97th percentile for size. The better to house her giant brain, obviously!

I'm a teeeeensy bit late on this birth announcement, as she is currently almost 15 weeks old. But this week also marks my first week back at work, which means I'm finally in front of a computer regularly again, which means blogging! I couldn't deal with blogging from my phone for some reason, despite having the thing glued to my hand for the entirety of my maternity leave.

I have lotttttssss to share, including her probably-only-interesting-to-me-but-too-bad-it's-going-on-here birth story, and you know.. catching up on the first 3.5 months of her life.

For now I leave you with these more current photos of our little squish, who is the squishiest squish to ever squish.

So, a doula, huh?

(Quick update after this week's appointments: I am still exactly 0cm dilated, to my ob's surprise and bafflement, especially considering the sizing scan at the antenatal specialist Wednesday morning put baby girl at 8lb 5oz.

Me, to sono tech: Wait, 8lb 5oz RIGHT NOW??!!
Sono tech: Yep.
Me: OH GOD BABY YOU NEED TO COME OUT SOON.
Sono tech, sympathetically: The meds they can give you are REALLY strong these days.

Fluid went down a teensy bit, putting me now at the very upper limit of "normal," which I'll happily take. Everyone - from my ob, to the sono tech, to the antenatal doctor - commented on my "cervix of steel" - having an 8+ lb baby consistently head down on the lady bits plus weeks and weeks of extra fluid should really have resulted in something going on down there. It's the whole reason I was at risk for pre-term labor in the first place! But all concerns turn out to have been moot, because cervix o' steel will not open up even the slightest wee bit to allow a baby out, apparently. COOL.)

I realize I just sort of casually tossed into a few posts that I was working with a doula, and since a few people in my Offline Life have asked why I chose to have one and how I chose this one in particular, (which were questions I had myself before picking one!) I figured it might be useful to share why I ended up with one, personally.

I've read and heard a lot of stories about women - first time moms, especially - who felt that their labor & delivery sort of got away from them, in one sense or another: they were pressured into a drug or a procedure (or even just a position, like staying in bed) because they simply didn't know they had other options, or that they were allowed to push back on the doctors and nurses. And I mean, why would you? I certainly will not be the most experienced person in the room when I'm trying to push a baby out, so why wouldn't I assume that the people who ARE the experts know what they're talking about when they tell me I need to start pitocin immediately, or whatever any particular directive may be? I don't know what I don't know, and I certainly don't know what my options are at any given time (and how reasonable those options even are, given how progressed I am or what complications might be present).

Basically, I am not confident that I can be my own best advocate in that situation. The thought of having someone else there who can be an advocate for me - who is also extremely knowledgeable about labor and birth - is extremely appealing. Because while Chris will of course be there, and extremely willing to advocate for me, it's not like he knows any more about this process than I do.

I want to make sure things are explained to me as they happen. I want to make sure I'm given all of my options, not just the one that a particular doctor or nurse prefers at the moment. I want to have someone supporting my labor, in addition to the excellent doctors and nurses who are working hard to get my baby out as efficiently and safely as possible. And if that person can also help physically coach me through labor? Even better!

(As one friend put it: you can always go to the gym by yourself and work out, and everything will be fine and you'll get exercise. But if you go to the gym and work out with a trainer, you will get a WAY better workout, learn a lot more, be confident you have the correct form, etc. I want a trainer!)

So once I decided on a doula, I was pretty lost on how to actually... get one. As per usual, google was my solution. I googled doulas in the area, read some reviews when I could find them, got some basic pricing info when available to get a sense of how much this would cost (incidentally: A LOT) and then reached out to two different practices to set up an intro call. The intro calls were all pretty similar, so I moved forward with one based pretty solely on feeling slightly more comfortable / friendly with her after chatting and after confirming that they offered a program that I thought would meet my needs.

The practice I went with actually assigns two doulas to each woman, so that you don't end up with a backup doula you aren't familiar with if two women go into labor at the same time, or whatever. They  came by for an intro visit at the beginning of the process, then more recently for a few hours after work to talk through what to expect when I go into labor, how to recognize the various stages, how Chris can help, when to call them, etc. We also talked about my birth plan (such as it is) so they know my preferences and can help push for them, if possible, at the hospital.

Ultimately, it's probably just a way to help me feel a tiny bit of control in a situation where I have verrrryyy little, but I'm ok with that.

Exit planning

OK! Enough wallowing and complaining! Let's talk about getting this fiesty little gal out.

(The wrap is very definitely helping, incidentally, which is hugely contributing to my ability to actually stop complaining about my abs for 30 seconds. We're down to "sharp pointy stick" pain instead of "hot searing poker ripping through muscles" so that's a pretty good downgrade. Yay hippie fixes!)

Last week at my ob/gyn appointment, right around 37w2d, my doctor had a frank discussion about Getting The Kid Out. With polyhydramnios, there are some potential complications to take into consideration, especially if my water were to break on its own. It appears that with so much fluid up in there, if it were to all rush out in one big gush, it could essentially sort of sweep out more than one would like - for example, accidentally detaching the placenta in the process, or what my doctor was more specifically worried about, umbilical cord prolapse. This is when part of the umbilical cord slips out - like, literally, is hanging down outside your body - which is Extremely No Bueno. Since it's the one and only lifeline to the baby while kiddo is still inside the body, once a loop of it pops out and is subsequently pinched by the cervix (especially during, say, contractions) it cuts off all oxygen to the baby. This is Incredibly Super Serious and requires an immediate emergency c-section - and you can imagine, if this happens at, say, work or home and not while already in a hospital, there is often not enough time to call 911, have the ambulance arrive, get to the hospital, and THEN have the surgery.

(WARNING: THIS PARAGRAPH IS KIND OF GRAPHIC YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP IT. I did some potentially ill-advised googling on cord prolapse once I got home, to see exactly what I was dealing with and also because knowledge and information are good for me in situations like this, and.. yikes. The [very few] stories I found of babies surviving cord prolapse in a non-hospital environment all had one thing in common: a) the mom had to realize both what was going on and the severity of the situation immediately [a vote of confidence in googling info!] and b) had to have another party literally shove the umbilical cord back into her uterus and HOLD IT THERE, MANUALLY, until they got to the hospital and could have surgery. I mean quite literally have someone with a hand INSIDE HER UTERUS holding the cord in there. So. Good to know. I let Chris know his job in this eventuality; he's thrilled excited ...aware.)

So spontaneous water breaking: not what we want! On the other hand, I am laughably un-dilated at the moment. Despite having Braxton-Hicks contractions regularly since 24 weeks, as well as an irritable uterus that responds with a sustained contraction any time I'm standing or walking, and regular bouts of every-five-minutes-for-at-least-an-hour contractions even while lying down.... none of the contractions are "productive" in the sense that they're having any effect on the ol' lady bits. Meaning I am not a "favorable" candidate for induction at the moment: if they were to induce me, my doctor's opinion is that it would be slow, grueling, painful, and still likely result in a c-section because my cervix is just not interested in letting a baby out right now.

This left him very torn as to what his plan was for me. Ideally I should have this baby before 40 weeks, because apparently the poly risks continue to go up as I go overdue; if they try to force the baby to come out early she will probably not cooperate without a c-section. The ABSOLUTE best case scenario would be for me to go into labor on my own sometime in the next 2ish weeks (not caused by my water breaking) although I am not holding out a lot of hope for that: both my sister and I were prettttty overdue as babies, and I don't know a lot of other first time moms who went early. Also I have the least cooperative possible kid in there. So his official plan was to not make an official plan yet, and to wait and see how I looked at my next weekly appointment, which - yay! - is today.

In the meantime, I did get an excellent piece of news at my weekly antenatal appointment late last week (I'm still going in 1x/week - separately from my weekly ob/gyn visit - for an NST and a sono to measure fluid levels): my fluid went DOWN significantly for the first time since they started monitoring it, so I'm now *barely* considered to be poly! I'm hoping this means the prolapse risks are also significantly down, and that it will also put my ob/gyn more at ease in allowing me to go over 40 weeks. I mean, talk to me once I AM over 40 weeks and I suspect I may be singing a different tune (one that sounds a lot more like GET BABY OUT NOW I DON'T CARE HOW SHE NEEDS TO BE EVICTED) buuuut over here on the non-overdue side of 40 weeks, in theory I would like to let things happen as naturally as possible and have my body go into labor naturally rather than via induction. (Everyone who has ever gone over 40 weeks, please feel free to laugh uproariously at me.)

So! The hope is still that I go into labor myself in the next just-under-two-weeks, but if not, going over 40 weeks may now be a more viable option. Or maybe I'll find out I'm dilated at my appointment today (HAHAHA yeah probably not). No matter what, I don't expect Contrary Baby to choose an easy exit - she's been having too much fun causing us stress for the entire pregnancy; I don't envision her birth going a different route :)

37 weeks and counting.. and only mostly broken

Before I got pregnant, I always joked that I was prettttty sure I was going to be terrible at pregnancy. Like, my body sucks at... well... most things. Life. Not breaking any time I play sports. Not burning to a crisp if there is sun shining somewhere on Earth at any given time. You know.

So I have honestly been pretty impressed with and proud of how my body has handled things. I'm growing a PERSON! And aside from the early OHSS situation, it isn't killing me! And sure, I've had a lot of abnormal test results and lots of scares and conditions that only 1% of people get, but they've all actually turned out OK and I made it to 37 weeks a few days ago, which means my doctors no longer consider me pre-term and WE DID IT, BODY, we sustained a baby for 37 weeks and it didn't kill us!

I am officially rescinding that statement. My body is, in fact, the worst.

To be fair, I suspect this is not an uncommon sentiment for 37-week-pregnant women. This is not a particularly... comfortable time in one's life. I have 30 extra pounds dragging on my joints all day every day. I've got a large kid AND way too much fluid in there. It's currently 100 degrees outside with a heat index of 112. I'm not supposed to feel awesome.

There's a difference, though, between "not awesome" and "jesus christ, body, can we just fucking handle this like everyone else for once!?" - which is where I am at the moment. Because apparently my stupid body can't just get sore and achy like normal pregnant women. No, for me, the abs under my ribs on the right side of my body? feel like they are being ripped in half, at virtually all times.

This is not normal pregnancy aches and pains. I HAVE normal pregnancy aches and pains, plenty of them. Trust me. This feels like a hot poker being stabbed through my skin into my organs. Repeatedly. The area is inflamed and tender to the touch on the outside of my body. If I engage that muscle - say, to try and turn over in bed - the pain shoots to acute levels that make me involuntarily cry out in pain. This is not heartburn or round ligament pain, which after much googling, is what virtually every woman who has experienced this symptom was told by their ob/gyn - or had it shrugged off as just one of those pregnancy pains we all need to go through, sorry! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(I got the exact same reaction from my ob/gyn office, who typically is really great at listening to my individual concerns. But I get the impression that once you arrive at a certain point in pregnancy, they're so used to hearing women say they hurt that they dismiss everything at this stage as normal.)

I was worried about more than just the current pain, though: how the ^@#% was I supposed to push a baby out with abs that were already so damaged that I couldn't roll over in bed?? So I turned to my doula, who thank the tiny baby jesus, believed that this was a real thing above and beyond normal discomfort. And who confirmed that it actually IS possible to pull / strain the upper abs, especially as the ligaments that normally hold everything in place continue to loosen in preparation for getting the baby out. (She also confirmed that this is something I want to get resolved before I go into labor, because yes it will suck enormous ass to try to deal with labor with pulled abs. Cool!)

And, luckily, she had a suggestion on how to get resolution: a bengkung belly wrap. This was actually something she had preemptively suggested for my post-partum recovery (which is the much more common use) since she noticed I had diastasis recti, or separated abs. But the wrap can also be used much like a more traditional belly band - although for me, less as a way to relieve pain in the lower back, and more to provide a kind of corset on the bottom of my belly to keep it propped up without as much pull and strain at the top of my stomach.

It's also really hard to get a picture of that front knotted part because it's way down under my belly.

..but hopefully you get the idea.

So, how's it working? Decently, I think. I wasn't sure it was doing too much at first, but then I didn't wear it all day Sunday and OH MY GOD THE PAIN by the end of the day. SO MUCH PAIN. So I definitely know it's at least stopping the situation from getting WORSE, which is good. I still have fairly constant pain, but it's more of a burning than an acute tearing feeling - like, as if I did indeed get stabbed by a hot poker, and it hasn't healed yet.. as opposed to the poker continuing to stab me repeatedly. Yay?

I'm still pretty worried about how this will work for the whole labor situation. Will it make labor even more unbearable than normal? Will labor pain totally overpower this, but when I finish birthin' the kid, learn that I have done serious / irreparable damage to the area? WHO KNOWS! Hopefully I can just get the region back to a slightly less inflamed / on fire place before I need to find out. Hashtag magical time.

The saga of the crib mattress

Back in early June, I was preparing our house for our baby shower / housewarming, and I was figured it was high time to start getting the nursery put together so that we could pretend like we were somewhat prepared for a baby. Chris's cousins had generously bought us a crib from our registry, and we had a dresser and nightstand from IKEA, so that seemed like a good start. We put all the furniture together, and I ordered a crib mattress, liner, and sheets off of Amazon so that we could have the crib looking fully assembled and ready to go.

Everything arrived within a day (thanks, Amazon Prime!) ... except the mattress itself. Which continued to not arrive every day leading up to the party, then eventually was given a revised arrival date of the Monday after the party. So you know, not particularly helpful, and hard to make the nursery look cute and ready for a baby without a mattress in the crib, but whatever - many many weeks until I'd actually need a crib anyway, so meh.

Except then the mattress *continued* to never show up. Like for another week. So eventually I called UPS, since I had a tracking number for the package, to ask what's up.

UPS: Ah - we never actually received that package at all.  

Me: But there's a tracking number! 

UPS: Yeah - they assigned one at the Amazon warehouse, but then never actually provided the package to us for delivery. You'll need to call Amazon, unfortunately. 

So I called Amazon next, and repeated what UPS had told me.

Amazon: Oh man, this package is really late, I'm so sorry. Well, it looks like it's been misplaced in the warehouse, and there's not much we can do about that really. I'll give you a refund for this one and your best bet is probably to just order a new one.  

Me: But.. it's in your warehouse? Can't we just... ask the warehouse to give it to UPS? 

Amazon: Unfortunately I have no way to contact the warehouse directly, and if it hasn't gone out to UPS after all this time, it means the warehouse has lost track of it too. I'm really sorry. ...Refund?  

Me: Yeah OK fine. 

So they process the refund; I waited like a week just to see if the warehouse would magically get their shit together and send the mattress... but nope. So I went back to Amazon and ordered the same crib mattress again. It was scheduled to be delivered on Tuesday.

It did not show up on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. And the order status on Amazon changed to the same vague "on the way!" status that it gave me last time, while keeping the expected delivery date of July 5.

On Thursday I called Amazon again and asked for the UPS number so I could track the package, since that information also never showed up in my order for some reason. I looked up the number on the UPS website and was relieved to see that this time it had indeed left the warehouse, had arrived in MD on July 4th, and then was scanned in at the regional shipping center in VA early on the 5th. The status was "in transit" and the delivery date was that same day.. although oddly the status was NOT "out for delivery." I figured it would be there when I got home yesterday.

It was not.

So today, Friday, I called UPS to ask what the deal was: why had it been 10 minutes away in Chantilly since 8am Tuesday morning but never delivered?

UPS: Hmm. It looks like it's lost in our warehouse.  

Me: ARE YOU SERIOUS.  

UPS: Yes, sorry. And since this is an Amazon shipment, you'll need to contact them to start the investigation process. 

Me: Why would Amazon be able to do anything about it if it's lost in YOUR warehouse? 

UPS: That's just how the process works - they'll start the investigation and will probably refund you your money.  

Me: I can't just like.. come to Chantilly and get it? 

UPS: Well, no, we probably don't actually know where it is. Or the label may have fallen off or something.  

Me: ......... 

UPS: Sorry. I would call Amazon.  

Me: FINE. OK. 

Soooo I did. And Amazon has once again kindly refunded me the money for the mattress.

Amazon: Is there anything else I can help you with?  

Me: Not unless you have any suggestions on how to ACTUALLY GET THIS MATTRESS TO MY HOUSE at some point!?

(I didn't actually say that. Amazon customer support has been super polite every time and getting the refunds has been quick and painless.)

So I mean, I get that having a crib ready to go is not, like, the highest priority right now: I don't even have a baby to put in it yet, and even once she's born it's not like she'll need the crib for the first several weeks anyway. HOWEVER. It would be nice to be able to actually get her nursery looking presentable and ready, and also WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DELIVER ME THE DAMN MATTRESS I HAVE ORDERED TWICE NOW I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I can't get over that two different mattresses have now been lost by two different parties in two different warehouses. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN. They are not small packages. I AM VERY SHOUTY ABOUT THIS.

Annnyway. I'm already grumpy today because my contractions have ramped up to Very Annoying Level, in that as of about a week ago I have a sustained contraction for the entire time that I am standing up, literally any time that I am standing up. And as of last night, the newest development is additional stabby little contractions that woke me up repeatedly throughout the night, so I am feeling far from rested. The contractions continue to do nothing: I had another cervical check this morning and I'm still locked up tight. So I'm sore from contracting all the time, tired from contracting all night, annoyed that my body feels the need to contract this much if the contractions are not even DOING anything, and grumpy about the fact that there is a nationwide warehouse conspiracy preventing me from getting a crib mattress.

35 weeks and cranky.

But, um, other than that everything is fine. Baby girl continues to look good, I'm actually fine (just grumpy) and we're all in good health blah blah blah WHATEVER GIVE ME MORE DONUTS.

FTLOG, drama baby

So! Update again! *@&#%&@^$#!

After I got home from yesterday's visit, I was catching up on some work when I offhandedly noticed that my Braxton-Hicks contractions were ramping up a bit. Not particularly concerning; I've been getting them quite regularly since 24 weeks and I've been assured they are nothing to worry about as long as they don't increase in frequency/intensity.

By about 8, I realized that they hadn't let up in hours, and seemed awfully darn frequent, like... sort of constant. And they were awfully strong.

At 8:30, I decided to start timing them to see just how frequent they were. I timed them for an hour, during which I had 11 contractions, spaced almost exactly 5 minutes apart, ranging from 30 seconds to 1:30 each. Oh. Well. OK then.

(Now, these were still not "real" contractions - not like doubled over, can't talk, in pain contractions. They were still Braxton-Hicks level: my entire uterus would get tight and hard as a rock, and I would often find it easier to "breathe through" them while they were occurring, but certainly no level of pain that I would classify as problematic in any way. Still. Every 5 minutes seemed excessive. And the symptoms of pre-term labor are not necessarily the "you'll know it's labor!!" symptoms of full term - the primary one being "Four or more contractions in one hour, either with or without pain," which clearly I had far surpassed.)

Now, the sheet they had given me with info on the beta methasone shot did mention it could cause an increase in contractions. But like.. how much of an increase? Was this acceptable? How would I know?? So I called my doula, who suggested I try a hot bath and a large glass of water to see if that calmed them down. But she also said that if I could sleep through the contractions, they were incredibly unlikely to be pre-term labor. So I drank water and took a hot shower (I am not a bath person) and went to bed. And fell asleep! Success!

...only to wake up at 1am because my contractions had ramped up considerably. I now had a deep, menstrual-cramp like pain in my lower pelvis, and I could feel these contractions coming on before the actual tightening of the uterus: the crampy pain would start in my lower back and wrap around the front of my pelvis, then my entire uterus would seize up. These were a little less regular than the contractions earlier in the evening, but were still averaging around 5ish minutes apart. They did not increase in frequency or intensity, however, and by 3am I was able to fall back asleep, so ta-da! proof I was OK.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt.. awful. Completely unrested, still crampy, and the Braxton-Hicks contracts were still coming one on top of the other. My doula suggested I would have some sort of intuitive sense of whether I was truly in labor, but what the hell do I know!? The descriptions of pre-term labor are, like, entirely symptoms that you can have at any other time, but randomly might also mean you're about to drop a baby. I decided to call my ob/gyn from my car outside of Starbucks before driving all the way to work to get their take on it.

Their take was: go to the hospital RIGHT NOW PLEASE we'll call to let them know you're on your way.

So obviously I burst into tears, went back home and hiccuped to Chris that I had to go to the hospital, and headed over. Chris was supposed to get on a flight in about 2 hours for important lawyer things, so timing could not have been better. He packed his bags in about 2 minutes and followed me to OB triage.

The good news: everything is OK. My contractions ramped waaaaay down the SECOND I was hooked up to monitors (OF COURSE) but they confirmed I was still having them every 10 minutes, which is still not exactly ideal. However, a second cervical exam in 2 days (OW AGAIN) showed that the troubling contractions, the ones which I'd had overnight and were engaging my lower pelvis, had NOT dilated me any further, which is excellent news. They did give me stern instructions to NOT WAIT should I get any more contractions like that in the future though, because those are the kind specifically designed by your body to cause dilation.

They tested me for a UTI while I was there too, since those can also cause contractions. And while I'm clear on that front, I am apparently dehydrated, despite drinking what I thought was plenty of water. Turns out you can actually drink a shitload of water but it's not always enough to hydrate you, because you pee it all out before it can seep in intramuscularly (...or.. something to that effect?). So I've been instructed to keep up with the water, but make sure ~50% of my daily liquid intake is in other forms, like milk or gatorade or lemonade.

Also I've been moved temporarily from pelvic rest to "only go to work and then come home and lie on the couch with your feet up and that is it" for the next week or so until my uterus can chill the eff out and stop being a dick.

SO. All in all, everything is fine (Chris even made his flight!) but GOODNESS, LITTLE LADY. (She, by the way, has looked "excellent" throughout all of this - she seems perfectly fine, strong heartbeat, no stress on her part, etc. Just doing a premature job of stressing out her POOR BELEAGUERED MOTHER, GAH.)

Even *I* wasn't expecting to have another update for you already

Well! Baby girl has a flair for the dramatic already. Lucky us.

I'm 32 weeks and 3 days along today. I went in for my follow up monitoring ultrasound, and was surprised to learn that I would also be getting my first non-stress test. This is a neat little test where they strap a few monitors to your belly and check the kiddo's heart rate (and mom's contractions, if any) over about 20 minutes. They also give you a little clicker that you push any time you feel the baby move or kick. Apparently after 32 weeks, the baby is supposed to have at least two "spikes" in heart rate in that amount of time, so that's one thing they check for. It started out very interesting (watching baby's heart rate progress on a monitor! Listening to her heartbeat and hearing a big THUD in the audio when she would flip up against or kick where the monitor was strapped!) and got very boring by the end.

Next was the sonogram, where they quickly determined that - sad trombone - my fluid levels had increased since last week. But also slightly concerning, my cervix was looking a little on the short side. So out came the dildo cam for a measurement of the cervix from up the hoo-ha, and yup - the ol' girl is down to about 1.7cm.

Now, this in and of itself is not necessarily an issue. Many women's cervixes begin to shorten slowly and steadily in the weeks leading up to birth. However, given the extra-large baby I have bouncing around on top of mine, plus the extra volume of fluid, plus the new-to-me-information that I had apparently had two contractions during the NST (!??)... I am now Seriously Officially At Risk for pre-term labor.

I subsequently got the privilege of my first cervical check to make sure I wasn't ALSO dilated (OW, and no, not more than a fingertip) so I'm not, like, currently in labor or about to have a baby spontaneously fall out of me.

But they don't want to take any chances in case I *do* go into preterm labor sometime soon, so next up was my first betamethasone steroid injection. This neat little shot is given to me (painfully, in the ass) but travels down to baby girl and helps her start creating a surfectant in the lungs which babies don't usually make on their own until about 34 weeks. It helps prevent respiratory distress syndrome should the baby come early. I got one shot in my right ass cheek today, and I go back for a second shot in the left ass cheek tomorrow. The effects of the steroid last about 2 weeks, at which point I'll be past 34 weeks and baby girl should hard at work maturing her lungs on her own at that point.

So, they're not saying I WILL to go into preterm labor shortly. Buuuuuut just in case I do, and just in case they can't stop it, these shots will give the little lady an even better chance at being OK on the outside and requiring less intervention in that scenario.

In the meantime, I'm on pelvic rest (mainly just means no fun things can happen in the bathing suit area, although a lot of my exercise routine is now out as well) but not bedrest (I'll take it!). I go back tomorrow for shot #2, then again next Tuesday for the next NST and sonogram. Goal: no updates between now and then. Stay calm and stay put, little lady.