Is it possible to be terrible at pregnancy? I think I might be terrible at pregnancy.

First things first, the baby is doing great! This *baby* appears to be excellent at pregnancy. It just may be trying to kill me in the process.

Did you know that even if you've never gotten migraines before, they can crop up as a pregnancy symptom? I DO NOW! Thanks to the 30 hours I spent curled up in the fetal position on Sunday/Monday! Although I also learned that while pregnant people can't take anything useful like Advil, we CAN apparently take Percocet when your ob/gyn takes pity on you because you haven't slept for 2 night because the pain is too acute, and thank you tiny baby jesus for that. However, I've now had the pleasure of experiencing OHSS, severe enough nausea that I lost 7 pounds over 2 weeks, a 30+ hour migraine, and for a while there I thought I was flirting with prenatal depression... all in the first 12 weeks. Either I am - or this baby is - an overachiever. I'm not sure which.

Either way, I happily know the baby is doing just dandy because we had the extremely awesome 1st trimester screening last Friday, which is basically an extra-high-def sonogram where you get to see that your fetus is amazingly and inexplicably entirely human-shaped now, despite only being 12 weeks old. We saw its brain! And spine! and its actual defined arms and legs, which it was flailing all around like a real live baby! S/he turned over halfway through the sonogram! I MEAN! It was seriously splendid and exhilarating and wonderful, and most importantly for me at the time, confirmed that the darn thing was still alive.

I had spent about a week leading up to that appointment becoming increasingly morose, as I inexplicably came to the (unfounded, although try telling past-me that) conclusion that the baby was probably dead. I think the main problem was I had passed the point in my last pregnancy where the fetus died without me knowing it, and while there was no indication to think it had happened this time..... I also didn't KNOW that it hadn't. Not for sure. And naturally masochist-googling "missed miscarriages at 11 weeks" did nothing but confirm that what appeared to be MILLIONS of women had gone in for 12 or 13 week ultrasounds to learn that their baby had died 2, or 4, or 5 weeks prior and they had no idea, no change in symptoms, etc. I got so weird about it (and so uncharacteristically morbid / pessimistic) that I then changed my pain-googling to "prenatal depressions signs and symptoms," even though I was 90% sure I was operating under a potent combination of pregnancy hormones (WHICH YOU'D THINK MIGHT HAVE INDICATED TO MYSELF THAT ALL WAS WELL, but.. yeah) and vague PTSD-induced anxiety from the last miscarriage. You can just imagine how fun I was to be around that week. But now that we've seen the little nugget, wiggling around and measuring properly - and importantly to my brain, at 12 weeks and hence past my personally / arbitrarily determined Danger Zone - that particular anxiety track appears to have shut down. Which is nice for everyone.

And now that I'm past the Migraine of Doom, I am feeling pretty great! I had a magical 3 or 4 days last week where my nausea appeared to have finally kicked the bucket, and I was suddenly able - and desperately wanted - to eat like 6 meals a day to presumably make up for lost time (and lost weight). I'm headed back in that direction now as well, which is just fantastic. I am interested in vegetables again! Do you know what I ate for like 80% of my meals after I got back from Ireland? White American cheese on white bread with mayo. That's it. With some plain cereal in the morning. I'm pretty thrilled this little parasite is graciously allowing me to put some food containing actual nutrients in my body now. And as I round the corner of the first trimester, I have my fingers tightly, tightly crossed that I'll have a relatively uneventful second trimester, because this first one has been quite enough drama, thank you very much.

Then again this little jerk already looks pretty cute, so s/he'll probably keep getting away with whatever s/he wants.

Sorry for the blurry phone pic of an already-not-great sono pic. But! Squee!