September 24, 2008

36 reasons hillary is mean

well ok, technically it's 36 things about myself, but hillary very unfairly passed it on to me. and anyway, if i tried to list 36 reasons hillary is mean, all i'd have is "because she made me do this meme!!" 36 times. so here goes...

1. i totally hate memes where i'm supposed to list weird / unknown / new things about myself.

2. it's because i COMPLETELY BLANK on any interesting details of my life or personality that i haven't already hemorrhaged all over the internet.

3. i have, uh, filtering issues. nearly everyone alive knows faaaar more than they probably care to know about me.

4. like one of the VPs at work? knows the whole karl saga. however, that's not ENTIRELY my fault, because we were a) at a bar, drinking many beers, and b) darlene made me tell him.

5. this was like the 3rd time i'd met the man.

6. he definitely thought i was going to be High Drama for quite some time, as a result.

7. i HATE drama. and i know, usually people who say that are the people who cause the most drama.

8. honestly not the case here, though. for reals, yo.

9. i am not the type of person who should EVER use the phrase "for reals, yo."

10. i AM the type of person who uses words like "surreptitious" in casual conversation.

11. i think it makes people assume i'm pretentious, when really it's just because i used to read FAR TOO MUCH growing up.

12. ok, i'm also a little pretentious.

13. i mean, i broke up with a guy once because his vocab was so poor.

14. there were other reasons, but that was a major consideration.

15. the other major consideration was that he enjoyed humping my leg more than actual sex.

16. i'm sorry for that visual. but imagine MY horror! i had to.. you know.. BE THERE for it.

17. uh, see #2 re: hemorrhaging personal details all over the internet. MOVING ON. so this isn't going to be news to most people, technically, but my mom is a food writer, restaurant reviewer, and all-over phenomenal cook.

18. i, however, hardly cook. it's really embarrassing. i hold that it's because i never NEEDED to learn to cook, because my mom always made such delicious dinners for us. why would i branch out?

19. i'm actually a marginally good cook, though, when i put my mind to it.

20. and i feel SO EFFING ACCOMPLISHED when i make a good dinner.

21. you'd think this would be enough of an incentive to make me.. you know.. cook regularly.

22. you'd be wrong.

23. in related news, i am heinously lazy.

24. i also hate being in messy spaces.

25. this is a REALLY, REALLY bad combination, fyi.

26. i'm slowly getting better at setting up my house in a more organized fashion, so it's easier for me to keep it cleaner.

27. but i still would SERIOUSLY LOVE several thousand extra dollars to help me redo my place so it looks like an actual grown up lives here.

28. i like to think that one day, when i own a place, that will happen, because i'll feel comfortable painting and remodeling and generally Making Things Nicer.

29. ....except there's the whole heinously lazy thing. so.. uh.. i'm not really holding my breath.

30. i know it's an antiquated position, especially given that i'm quite the feminist, but i don't actually think i want to own a house until i'm married.

31. the thing is, i know how much of a pain it is to own / maintain / constantly repair a house when it's yours.. and, due to the heinously lazy bit, i am totally not willing to take on that sort of responsibility on my own.

32. i'm not expecting to be married any time soon, so i'm not expecting to own a house any time soon.

33. but i have suddenly realized - like, within the past month - that i definitely want to have a kid. this is BIG NEWS, because for the rest of my 20s this has not been the case.

34. i'm going to be 28 in two weeks, so you could say my biological clock is a liiiiiiittle slow on the uptake.

35. hey! it's my birthday in 2 weeks!

36. i started drinking a bottle of wine before attempting this list. starting at about #15 i'm probably going to regret sharing these details.

GAH. i am tagging NO ONE, because 36 is a LOT OF THINGS. if anyone would like to tag themselves, please feel free.


  1. As agonizing and it was for you to do this, it was a lot of fun to read!

  2. Ha! 36 things IS a lot of things. You should blame the Overthinker though, not me.
    Hey - when's your birthday? Is it in EXACTLY 2 weeks?
    Mine is in EXACTLY 2.5 weeks. That's a lie - it's not exactly 2.5 weeks but I felt like writing that.

  3. #13 is entirely reasonable and in no need of justification.

  4. I initially misread your title and post.

    The result:

  5. I'm glad you want a kid because I think you will be great at it.

    Also, you ARE a good cook. I'll take some more of that pesto pasta, please.

  6. Oh god. Some guy humped your leg? Why? Why would he do that? Did he think he was a dog or something?

    Same goes with me and cooking. My mom is an AWESOME cook but since I had her, I didn't learn much. Now I have to cook for myself so it's a PAIN. She loves it and I can't stand it. Go figure.

  7. Ahem. It appears that you are, in actuality, me. Except for the wanting to have a kid and the next week birthday parts. And, yeah, speaking from experience, the not holding your breath part on the suddenly not being too lazy to keep your house spotless thing is a good idea, because if you're like me, which OBVIOUSLY you are, almost EXACTLY, you would die from lack of oxygen.

  8. I love that you broke up with a boy over grammar. Because my maid of honor and me? We used to use that as an excuse never to date a guy we met online. Can't tell the difference between their and they're? Your and you're? You're out!

  9. I once broke up with a guy because one of his eyes blinked longer than the other. It drove me crazy!

  10. Just when I thought you couldn't possibly rock any more than you already do...

    Is there any way we can make you drink wine before all of your posts?

  11. Can your mom invite me over to her house for dinner? Because while I can cook, I like it much better to eat someone else's good cooking! And Great Cooking? Count me in!!

    Now, I can't understand why you don't eat grits. You live in VIRGINIA!! Last time I checked, that's below the Mason-Dixon line. ;) But maybe you weren't born & bred here?
    Neither was I, but I occasionally do like some grits with butter, salt, and pepper for breakfast. It might be the hick in me that likes them?

  12. This list is AWESOME! And I think you and Fiona and I are triplets. I'm also heinously lazy and my house is not decorated AT ALL. And I once broke up with a guy in part because he couldn't spell AT ALL. His love letters were frightning.

  13. Oh! And when is your birthday? Mine is in 2 weeks also!