awk·ward
Pronunciation: [awk-werd]
Function: adjective
Definition: eating dinner with my whole family at 2 amy's on saturday night, after a long day walking around dc in the hot sun, everyone partaking in a bottle of wine. inexplicably, my parent's wedding night comes up, complete with a story about how after the reception, my parents and two of their friends went to a bar that (unbeknownst to them) was frequented by a belly dancer. my dad apparently got super-awk about the dancer being there and was all hunched over in his chair, refusing to look at the her. it made him that much more of a target for the dancer, who, it seems, came over and gave him nothing short of a lap dance to try to loosen him up.
not yet the most awkward part of the night: my dad declaring "well, i just didn't think it was right to have some woman's BREASTS in my face on my WEDDING NIGHT!"
my mom had been explaining that because of the way my dad was acting, it made him this huge glaring target for the belly dancer, so i for some reason felt the need to share that ha-HA, talk about feeling like a target, there was this one time i went to an all-black male strip club.
still not yet the most awkward part of the night: me telling my ENTIRE FAMILY, over a nice dinner, about the time i went to an all-male, all-black strip club, and got, uh, "harassed" by the performers because i was GLOWING WHITE in a sea of rowdy black women.
my little sister then chimed in with how SHE'D been to a male strip club once before, and WOW, they totally just like MOLEST YOU, and how it grossed her out and she never wanted to go back to one.
now keep in mind, this whole time we've been at a really busy, full restaurant, so we were all talking pretty loudly to be heard over the general din of the room. so i had been quasi-shouting this whole time, and it was just my misfortune that there was a lull in every single other conversation in the room when i chose to agree with elizabeth.
"oh, i know! i'd SO MUCH rather go to a FEMALE STRIP CLUB than get assaulted by MALE STRIPPERS again!" i shouted at my parents, in a suddenly quiet room full of other diners.
awkward.
Oh dear! I've never been to a strip club, male or female and I'm not entirely sure I want to either lol.
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHAHHAHA! It's gotta be a Murphy's Law or something that when you're shouting to be heard, everyone will quiet down right as you're admitting to some embarrassing fact.
ReplyDeleteFirst-I LOVE 2 Amy's! I could eat there every single day (dang that place is just too good)!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, awkward, but you just put a smile on my face and I needed one. :)
DUDE!
ReplyDeleteI so hear you. Male strippers are THE WORST!
That dinner sounds AWESOME though...maybe you are confusing the words? They do both start with AW :)
I don't mean to laugh at your embarrassment, but duuuude that is funny!
ReplyDeleteI'm so with that last comment. I'd rather get a lap dance from a girl than a dude any day.
ReplyDeleteYour family sounds like fun. I am sure the rest of the restaurant was at least entertained? ;)
ReplyDeleteOkay, as I was reading this post, I kept thinking that almost every sentence was the AWK that you were referring to. But no, you saved that gem for last. Priceless.
ReplyDeleteHA HA HA!
ReplyDeleteyeah that's not awkward AT ALL! SIKE.
ReplyDeleteguy stripper gross me out for the most part all greasy and muscular.
hmmm, let me rephrase that : )
Awkward for you = HILARIOUS for me. Thank you!
ReplyDelete...ooops....
ReplyDeleteYou sure have a sweet, interesting blog Alice
ReplyDeleteI completely agree - male strippers are gross. What IS IT that they coat on their bodies to shine like that? But yeah, that is a pricelessly awkward moment. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteDinner at a nice restaurant - $40.00
ReplyDeleteembarrassing yourself in front of the parents - priceless!
I think our families might be related! The last time we all met up for dinner my Step Dad started talking about the red light districts he saw over seas while on active duty. TMI doesn't even describe the half of it.
ReplyDeleteMale strippers are too aggressive. It seems like they're acting out their own fantasy and not the woman's. At least female strippers smell good while they're slamming their pelvis into you!
ReplyDeleteOn the bright side, I'll bet that admission garnered you a room full of male admirers.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteGotta say though, that I would find the female lap dance just as unpleasant. Not more or less so, but the same. If I'm not attracted to ya, I'm not attracted to ya. Same "ew!" factor for me.
The thought of male strippers kind of grosses me out. I'd much rather go check out female strippers if I had to choose.
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