June 10, 2008

allergies = copious run on sentences

hi! how are you? i feel like ass! dear allergies: FUCK OFF kthxbye.

no WWC today, alas. whining? complaining? moaning in misery? got all those. just no, uh, pictures. which is too bad, because the words this week were fun.

so i gave blood yesterday for the first time in about eight years. i used to give blood all the time, because hey, i can! and because i have a fairly rare blood type, and because i don't really do a lot for the General Benefit of Humanity At Large and donating blood made me feel a little better about that shortcoming. but then i went and lived in france during college and donated there, and once i got home, the blood-people got all bent out of shape that i would agree to stick non-american needles in my arm. they told me to come back in a year, which i guess was enough time to cycle the Potential Dirty Europe Diseases out of my body.

so i showed up a year later, except by then the red cross had changed the rules about who could donate, and anyone who'd ever spent more than 3 months in europe could no longer give blood because they might have mad cow. i asked the lady if vegetarians could still donate. no one thought it was funny OR a valid question, even though i thought it was both. oh well.

after that, i called the red cross periodically to see if they'd changed the rules, since one nurse had told me under her breath that there was no way the anyone-who'd-been-to-europe ban would hold up in the long run, since it knocked out such a huge percentage of their donor pool. and then! about a year ago, i called, and DOO DOO DOO DOOOOO!* they'd lowered the rule to a cumulative five years in europe, which put me back into valid donor land.

*that's a fanfare. just go with it.

i asked around my company to see when the next blood drive was, and found out that we'd never held one. so i called the local blood people, talked to some folks at work, put up a bunch of posters, and organized a blood drive. i harassed my friends and coworkers to sign up and spent the morning sitting at a desk in the entry to our building, trying to coerce other people to sign up and donate as well. the blood drive was a lovely success.

until, at the end of the day, i went in for my turn to donate. we went through all the normal questions (have you ever had sex with a monkey who has had sex with a gay man for drugs? have you ever had sex in africa with a prostitute who might have been a man at some point?) and then it came out that i'd been to the Dominican Republic about 8 months prior. which is apparently a malaria zone.

which is how i was turned down as a donor at my own blood drive. O, THE IRONY.

so anyway, it's now been enough time that i've cycled the Potential Malaria out of my blood stream as well, and now the blood people are finally (finally!) willing to take my blood. i went in yesterday, and when the adorable little pre-med student tapped my vein and put the needle in, i spurted blood all over the chair, my arm, and his (gloved, thank goodness) hands. oops. i guess my veins are happy to be of service again.


  1. GO YOU!

    Also ... I should totally give. Because hello! Not Pregnant here and should do something for the Greater Good while there is still time.

    (loved the fanfare, go with it, by the by)

  2. I was SO HAPPY when they lifted that stupid mad cow ban, but by then I'd just gotten back from Senegal and so I was again prohibited because oh! Malaria zone! I was thrilled when the year went by and I could FINALLY donate. I have to remember to go donate again before I go to the DR for our honeymoon and have to wait another year.

  3. GREAT post, Alice! Seriously. You are one driven donator. I'm just gonna start calling you the Alinator! heehee.

  4. You organzied a BLOOD DRIVE! You are so awesome.

    This is a little embarassing, but I don't think I weigh enough to give blood? Last time I checked?

    At any rate, I have never given! GAH! AM BAD PERSON SLASH HUMANITY HATER!

  5. That is freakin' awesome that you organized the blood drive, and it is tooo funny that you were turned down. Sad, too.

    I can't get over how nonchalantly you speak about blood spurting everywhere from your own vein. I am so freakin' queasy JUST READING about it.

    How do people deal with needles so well? I WANT TO KNOW.

    I have blood ONCE. I CRIED three separate times, but I didn't pass out.

  6. Dude, you organized a blood drive? Rockstar!
    I lived in England so I'm not allowed to give blood. Apparently I'm diseased.

  7. I used to donate blood. I'm O negative, and they used to leave me messages saying they were in really low supply and here's a list of about 10 different local blood drives for you to leave some of your O neg...

    Now I can't donate because of my MS. Even though it's not contagious. And it's neurological, not blood borne.

  8. Alice, I love your question about vegetarians not having mad cow! I think it is a totally valid question. And then you got turned down for your own blood drive! HAHA! That is priceless. And Good on ya mate! for organizing a blood drive. That rocks!

  9. This is awesome! Good for you and very cool about being persistent. Hopefully they won't come up with new rules like if you ever stood on your head more than 10 minutes at a time you can't donate blood for 6 years.

  10. alice i'm so proud of you!!!! that is awesome that you did that, yet hilarious that you got denied.

    but look at you and all your world travels, color me green with envy.

  11. I have a story that's almost identical to yours. But the end result was that after FINALLY being able to give blood and walking away feeling good about myself and doing everything they said with eating large meals etc, I got horribly horribly ill from donating. I really did. And now I can't give blood anymore! And I'd LIKE to. I'd totally be in there giving blood every chance I had if I could.

  12. LOL, how *would* a vegetarian get mad cow disease?!? (I laughed so loud I had to explain to my kid why I was laughing.) Stupid rules. I used to give, then lived in Germany for 3 years. Same story. Except when they finally said OK, they took my blood and said it tested for hep-A or something like that. Something I've been immunized against. I'm on hold now. Luckily, A+ is pretty common. You and your eager veins, organizing a blood drive. I'm in awe.

    But I miss your pics for WWC. :(

  13. you know - they won't actually *let* me give blood...


  14. Hi Alice has Wonder-buns,

    Sorry about your mad cow vegetative condition, I hope they find a cure for that.

    Ironically, lets say that I was a vampire, I wouldnt set up any rules stating that I could not bite into your neck. Im not a vampire so its all for not I guess.

    God bless you for donating blood, you are an American sweetheart that doesnt deserve to have a vampire bite your neck.

    Again, fang you very much for donating blood.

    ~ Mark

  15. Oh man - that's hilarious. Mad cow? Give me a break.

    I don't give blood, though I'm sure I should, because I feel like there will be some definite fainting going on. Not because I'm afraid of needles, just knowing me and my medical history - I panic at the first sign of wooziness. Wouldn't that be fun? Me freaking out with a needle in my arm - bloody mayhem!

  16. Oh good for you! The mad cow business is strange, yes that is a valid question, but even a carnivore like me can't get it - because I wouldn't eat cows brains if you paid me! (no I don't eat wieners or sausages and I don't know if that is one of the ingredients)

    I can't give blood, I'm asthmatic and with all the drugs that I have to take, I guess they contaminate my blood.

    That's probably why they won't take 3carnations blood either.

  17. I don't know my blood type. That's bad, huh?

  18. Ha! I love how you're so casual about how you ORGANIZED A BLOOD DRIVE. You're all, "So I thought the political system was shakey so I ran for President and won and then I changed some stuff okay bai!" Like it's no big!

  19. I have great difficulty thinking about donating blood. I kind of throw up and faint a lot around needles, so I figure my gift to the blood collectors is to stay the hell away so they don't have to deal with me.

  20. Wow, what a go-getter you are! Starting a Red Cross drive, all of your own volition?! I'm impressed. I love giving blood (I think just cause it makes me feel like I'm saving the world or something), but I have a potential trip to the Middle East and Africa coming up, so I have a feeling I won't be able to give blood for a while after that.

  21. Turned down at your own blood drive. Man, I bet you got some heckling from your coworkers huh? Hey, at least you've traveled places where there might be strange diseases. I've never left the safety of the states and it sucks!

  22. Lol. All those rules seem silly, but I guess they have some basis good intentions!