February 19, 2008

dear hormones, GOWAY KTHX BAI

male readers and/or other people who don't feel the need to know way too much personal information about me: fyi, you may want to stop here.

i swear, i don't know how normal women do it. i've been virtually pms-free for the vast, vast majority of my pms-able years due to chemical regulation of certain body parts (hi pills! love you! kisses!). i had some, uh, anomolies early on in my You're A Woman, Now! days which necessitated outside forces, which blah blah blah = i've been on the pill for my entire adult life. i LOVE the pill. no really, LOVE. we're talking make-out-with-the-pill-pouch-if-i-thought-it-would-make-the-pills-happy love. i have barely any side effects, and the AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC bonus of not experiencing pms. like, at all.

however, every once in a while, my body gets used to whatever pill i'm on at the moment and i start getting symptoms again. and while "being hormonal" isn't exactly enough of a reason to switch meds? DANG is it annoying. and also a sign that other parts of the meds are about to start working, but at the moment that's not what's bothering me. no: it's that i'm in the stupidest mood today. i'm cranky, irrational, and easily frustrated, and the worst part is that i KNOW it's just because i'm "hormonal." which frankly, is not enough of a reason to justify me being a lame-ass. AND YET! AND YET! there's nothing i can do to stop myself! even KNOWING that i'm only cranky because of pms? STILL CRANKY! WTF! i do not like this, sam i am!

i had a lovely daydream while i was out getting a starbucks chai to try to bribe my pms into submission which involved going home and having a very nice evening at my awesome new house with karl. and then i remembered. i don't live there yet. i have to go home to The Parents, and listen to whatever delightful crap they come up with to passive aggressively share with me tonight.

(speaking of! latest ridiculousness: my friend/old roommate/daughter of The Parents wrote me an email because her mom wanted me to know that she tried to feed oliver, but i was out of cat food. issues here? (a) she called her daughter to rat me out...? (b) oliver's food bowl is in my room, not within view of the doorway, and (c) oliver's food is kept INSIDE A CLOSED CLOSET. which means The Mom is apparently traipsing through my room and THROUGH MY CLOSETS on a regular basis. WILDLY NOT OK WITH ME.)

annnyyway. enough complaining, pms-infused alice! on to cheeriness! it's only a four day week! that should make me happy. oh, hey, and i need your help. i am increasingly disappointed with what i'm feeding myself on a regular basis. do any of you have healthy suggestions for lunches at an office? currently, i buy a loaf of bread, some lunch meat, and some cheese each week, and keep it all in the fridge at work, and make myself a sandwich each day. and while this is better than, like, mcdonald's every day, it's still processed meat + processed cheese + empty carbs. does anyone have ideas for healthier alternatives that are still easy, AND would fill me up?


  1. obviously, i have no idea what you are talking about with all this hormone stuff...

    ...and on the processed thing, i'm no help as well. i'm looking at my Jimmy John's sub right now thinking, "too much sodium, too much processed meat... mmm, Jimmy John's!!!"

  2. I totally wrote about that frustration with my post-Valentine's Day whiny post. You KNOW it's the hormones but that doesn't make a difference because you still feel like shit and GAH. I hope you feel better soon.

    Hm, healthy lunch. Salad? Whole wheat pasta with lean meat? Hummus?

  3. Keep a bag of salad, some string cheese and some salad dressing in the fridge at work. That's my lunch almost every weekday. Well, plus some munchies of some sort...

  4. aw, I'm sorry you're crabby ... I am holding onto the hope that, for you, the crabbiness has more to do with the continued violation of your privacy and less to do with the efficacy of your lovely, lovely pills.

    For lunch ... you could bring in a box of cereal and some milk, some fruit ... have breakfast for lunch each day. Or a bag of salad greens and some fixins (cold chicken, croutons, etc.). Or, you can switch to pita bread or tortillas instead of bread for a change of pace.

  5. How many days until you move? Keep reminding yourself and it just might keep you sane. :-)

  6. Hi! I came here by clicking through your comment on sid's blog. I love your writing. You make me re-think my personal rule about not writing about my family (I miss so much good material by keeping them out of things!)

    Hormones: I understand and I sympathize and I "get it." Hide under the covers, watch a movie, eat take out food, avoid everyone and everything. In short, treat yourself like you have the flu. ;) You can't make yourself feel better but you can try to avoid things that will make you feel worse. It'll pass whenever it passes (or whenever you get your new Rx), and you'll feel better again -and then you won't be able to make yourself feel worse! ;)

    Lunch suggestions you can make or keep supplies for at work (most of these presume that you have a microwave): Pizza bagels, Tacos or nachos (cook the meat ahead of time), soup and crackers, tuna, yogurt, cottage cheese, veggies and dip(s), rice and beans, Pasta/sauce/parmesan/veggies, fruit salad. Substitute the processed cheese with a bar of cheddar.

    Enough suggestions for my very first comment? ;)

    -Well you DID ask! :)

  7. I've discovered Bird's Eye Steam fresh vegetables. Whole bag is 90 calories and it's good for you and fills you up. I supplement with a lean cuisine or a salad with beef jerky and a little dressing or a can of soup. Vegetables fill you up.

    On other notes ...

    - Every time I read Karl I think "Hot Carl" ... very sorry the radio ruined me on this

    - lay a trap for the snoopy mother. leave gay porn or sex toys or something in your closet you know will offend her or totally scar her for life

  8. I've heard--and this might be what Edge is referring to--that there are bags that allow you to cook vegetables in the microwave. Unless I just unknowlingly made it all up, maybe that's an option?

    And I too hate not being able to stop PMS-induced emotional-ness despite knowing what's causing it! I also hate the fact that every time I have PMS it's different--some days I keep having to run away and hide so no one will see me crying, some days I can't stand being around anyone, and some days the most trivial crap irritates the hell out of me (and then my irritation is further compounded by the fact that I know just how trivial the cause of my irritation is).

    I don't know how you've put up with The Mom as long as you have. I just can't imagine how she could not have any understanding of the fact that she doesn't belong in your room or your closets. She either has no concept of or no concern for personal boundaries. Good luck with her until you get out of there!

  9. Do you have a Whole Foods by you? This is perhaps a little too specific, but Whole Foods makes this lemony lentil soup that I buy in bulk every week and then keep at the office. It is completely filling, very good for you and delicious. I know Whole Foods is better named "Whole Paycheck" (my step-sister claims she came up with that) but the soup isn't so bad, I promise.

  10. Soup. Healthy and filling. Plus, I know you like Chickarina, and even if you eat the whole can (it CLAIMS 2 servings, but I'm sure they only mean that if you have something else with it), it's only 240 calories. Which means you don't have to feel bad when you eat the Easter candy you've pre-purchased for their Easter baskets for dessert. Um, wait, we're talking about YOU here...

  11. By their, I meant your kids, but apparently I typed something and then deleted it without checking that I deleted the noun to which my pronoun referred.

  12. http://www.glad.com/simplycooking/

    Cook a few chicken breasts with good seasoning, throw the veggies in the steam bag with a few drops of oil/butter and some nice Italian seasonings, or cajun or whatever strikes your fancy - change it up a bit. You've got a great tasting healthy meal. A handful of grapes or strawberries makes for dessert.

    BTW - I decided (and I hope you are in full agreement) that you should shrimp the curtain rods throughout the house the day you leave. They'll never figure out where the smell is coming from and will be sweet revenge for all the BS these people put you through.

    Secondly, you should find a really twisted DVD to leave where she'll find it and mark it so you know it's been removed from the package and played. Then call them on it. hahaha

  13. Get string cheese instead of the cheddar. White cheese is better for you and string cheese is less messy.

  14. I've never had PMS either. Well, I get the face explosions, but I don't have the mood swing problems. Sometimes the face explosions piss me off, but that's about it.