November 23, 2005

things that are NOT COOL

when i just made a cup of piping-hot coffee mixed with hot chocolate (yum) and as i wander distractedly out of the kitchen, i manage to slop a bit over the side of the cup, which burns the heck out of my finger. unfortunately, i'm now standing in the middle of a carpeted hallway at my office, so i can't shriek and drop the cup (which is probably what i'd do at home) so instead i just jump about a foot in pain, which results in slopping roughly half the cup of skin-searingly-hot coffee ALL OVER MY HAND. OUCH. it's still all red and mottled. stupid coffee.

also not cool? ME. (again.) as a more-than-just-english-speaking, fairly traveled american, i am very sensitive to the Ugly American stereotype that the majority of the world holds. with good reason, too, i might add... i've come across many an Ugly American in my travels, and i assure you, they're quite wince-inducing. so anyway, i make an effort to NOT be that ugly american, and to be courteous, and learn a bit of the language of the country i'm in, and not shout all the time, and basically let the rest of the world know that we're not ALL fat, lazy, gun-toting, flag waving, smarmy, holier-than-thou arseholes. it's an uphill battle ;-P

soooo our last night in paris, matt and i went for dinner in a nice little restaurant near the eiffel tower, where we ate by far the best onion soup i've ever had in my life, followed by foie gras and smoked salmon, rare steak, and pasta.... and a bottle of wine. our waitor was a charming french gentleman, funny, nice, pleased i spoke french, etc. matt and i had stuffed ourselves on the soup and foie gras and salmon, so i was having a hard time making a dent in my pasta. i had slumped back in my chair at this point, nearing a food coma, when our waitor came over and asked if we were finished. i said we were going to try to work on the pasta some more, and he made a joke about feeding some of it to matt. i laughed, and pushed myself back up from my slumpy position to a more appropriate seated one. except. except we were at a tiny little table for two, which had a wrought iron base on the floor between our feet, which it seems my feet were resting on instead of the floor. so when i pushed myself up straighter, i essentially shoved the base of the wee table. hard. which sent both wine glasses, the bottle of wine, matt's food, and the ashtray flying. i watched in horror as matt's wine overturned all over his (white) shirt, then tumbled to the floor where it shattered among all the wine that was pouring out of the overturned bottle. the cafe had been fairly quiet - it was late, there were only 2 or 3 other tables there - so the crash was heard loud and clear over the sedate murmuring over the other tables. which all stopped immediately, all eyes turned on me. i wanted to die. it was awful. the waitor was super nice about it, since he could tell i was mortified beyond belief, and kept telling me it was no trouble to HIM, he just had to sweep up a little glass, and joking that it was matt who i should be apologizing to since i ruined his shirt. auugh. alice: ugly american extraordinaire. so sad.

12 comments:

  1. That was better than any of the "So and So Goes to Paris" movies I've ever seen (you know, like "the Olsen twins," "Growing Pains," or "The Bradys" - wait, did the Bradys ever go to Paris??)!! I can totally picture that scene, and although I am very sorry you were so publicly humiliated (in France, no less) I can't stop giggling at the thought of it. Oh, and? How was the steak? Because STEAK I love!!! ;)

    P.S. Validation? "hbrUGLY" lol

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  2. hey, happy turkey day alice!

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  3. Disaster Alice strikes again. lol. You poor thing. At least everyone was cool about it...that is totally something that would have happened to me...without question.

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  4. HAPPY TUREKY DAY, ALICE!!!!!! Glad you came back safely.

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  5. I meant turkey, of course...

    ;o)

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  6. Ugly American! Sorry about the shirt and the hand. Maybe tht's why I don't drink wine or coffee!

    Can't wait to hear more stories.

    ~Jef

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  7. not an ugly american. *S* you remained polite and concerned. I would be glad to have you for ambassador

    Dinner in Paris? I am soooooo Jealous

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  8. LMAO - you have got to read this archive in my blog (well, most of May, but specifically, this post...

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  9. Poor Matt. Hopefully you've found a way to make it up to him.

    Thanks again for the picture. I cracked me up.

    Wait a minute - I thought one of the best things about being American is showing the rest of the world that we're not ALL fat, lazy, gun-toting, flag waving, smarmy, holier-than-thou arseholes.

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  10. Wednesday I was boiling water in a tea kettle and when I took the lid off it boiled over onto my foot and gave me a huge blister that covered my entire second toe. It hurt, but now it gives me something cool to play with around the house.

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